


Two for Tragedy

by icegirl99



Series: Two for Tragedy [1]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Porn, Anxiety, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Blow Jobs, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dating, Developing Relationship, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Dates, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Men Crying, Oral Sex, Orgasm, Panic Attacks, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Coital Cuddling, Public Hand Jobs, RMS Titanic, Romance, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Teasing, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-01-27 09:42:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 80,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21390076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icegirl99/pseuds/icegirl99
Summary: There are two things I remember about that night. The first were the screams. The second, the unbearable cold. It is a night that will haunt my life forever.
Relationships: Cardinal Copia/Papa Emeritus III
Series: Two for Tragedy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1631125
Comments: 397
Kudos: 180





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Something I've been wanting to write for a while. Extremely short but it's just the prologue. I should have chapter 1 written and posted soon. I do hope I end up finishing this as I have a tendency to abandon fics sometimes. Let me know what you think.

There were two things I remember most about that night. The first was the terrifying screams. The gut-wrenching cries of hundreds of men, women, and children that filled the night air. I still hear those screams in my nightmares. Years later, laying in my own bed safely wrapped in the arms of my lover, I would awake in a cold sweat fearing for my life and the life of my love. 

The sea was still, flat as black glass underneath the deck of the ship. Above us, the stars shone brightly in a clear moonless sky. The ship alight with thousands of yellow lights cast a glow out over the water. Every now and again a rocket would fire from the deck, bursting into beautiful white stars that fell from the sky, disappearing into the black water. 

An onlooker might describe the scene as peaceful, worthy of a prize-winning photograph. But the chaos would go unnoticed until it's too late to stop the tragedy from unfolding. A tragedy that had begun less than an hour before. 

The second thing I remember most about that night is the cold. A cold that chilled me to the bone. I had nearly frozen to death that night. The cold is something that stays with me, I feel it every time I step outside in the colder months, every time my fingers touch cold water. 

Much time has passed since that fateful night. Both my lover and I have physically healed. It is the emotional trauma that still haunts me. As much as I try to forget about the bitter cold and the tragic screams, they will stay with me forever. 

My name is Andrea Copia and this is the story of how I met, and almost lost, the love of my life, Alessandro Emeritus, on the night of April 14th, 1912.


	2. Welcome to the RMS Titanic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia arrives in Southampton and boards the ill-fated ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did what I could with research to make this as accurate as possible when it comes to the history of both the ship and the Catholic church. Granted I know a lot more about the Titanic than I do Catholicism so if anything is incorrect I apologize.

April 10th, 1912

I watched the city buildings slowly pass by outside the window. I enjoyed watching the people bustle about, shopping and doing other daily activities. I wasn't in the city often, mostly keeping to myself. The small church that I called home was tucked away in the countryside just outside of London. The church was a member of the diocese that I oversaw as part of my duties to the Catholic church as a Cardinal. 

I chose the little church because it was quiet and peaceful. A small congregation but each and every member had strong faith. I also enjoyed keeping to myself and a smaller congregation allowed me to do that more often than not. Being alone is something I preferred. I was never one for social interactions but I would always be more than happy to lead the church in the worship of our Lord. 

It was just last week that I had received a letter from the College of Cardinals, informing me that I would be reassigned to a different diocese. This one was much larger and would be in New York city in the United States. I was nervous, my anxiety never really allowed me to handle such large congregations but I agreed to go as it was my duty to serve our Pope. 

The ticket was purchased for me by the church and they had chosen to send me away on the largest and most luxurious ocean liner ever built, the RMS Titanic. Normally I would have never chosen such an expensive or lavish travel vessel but I could not argue. I was to sail in First Class and I was already feeling like I didn't belong there. Second Class would have fit both my personal tastes and comfort levels much better. 

I tried not to think about how awkward I would feel socializing with other First Class passengers as the car slowed and my driver finally pulled around to the pier. 

I gasped in awe when my eyes fell upon the ship. It was the largest vessel I had ever seen. The black hull seemed to go on forever. It was eleven stories high, and each deck had what I assumed was a hundred windows and portholes. Atop the ship were four tall smokestacks. It truly was a thing of beauty. 

The pier was full of people. Both passengers and admirers combined. The car came to a stop near the sidewalk. "I am sorry, Cardinal Copia," the driver's voice came from upfront. "I cannot get you any closer. The crowd is too thick."

"No problem, Eric," I replied and reached into my pocket to pull out some coins. I handed him a rather large tip.

"Thank you, Cardinal," Eric replied as he counted the money. "Do you require any help with your bags?"

"That won't be necessary," I said. I opened the door and stepped out of the car into the cool early spring air. I took the time to smooth out my robes while Eric opened the trunk for me. He handed me my single black suitcase and with a wave returned to his car. My suitcase in hand, I took a deep breath and started to make my way through the crowd. 

After several minutes of stepping around people and mumbling "sorry" and "excuse me", I stood at the bottom of the boarding ramp for First Class passengers. I raised my gaze, this close the ship looked like a huge building looming over me. It actually made me a little uneasy. I took another deep breath and started to walk up the ramp. 

When I reached the top, I was greeted by a steward wearing an all black suit, his name and RMS Titanic embroidered onto the jacket. "Hello sir," he greeted me warmly with a smile. "Can I see your ticket please?"

"Of course," I replied a little shyly. In my awe I had forgotten to take the ticket out of my pocket. It would have made this process a little quicker. I reached in and pulled it out, handing it to him. "Thank you, Mr. Copia," he said, passing it back to me. "Michael, will show you to your stateroom." He gestured to another steward, standing just off to the side. 

I stepped onto the ship and nodded at Michael. "Hello, Mr. Copia," he said. "Welcome to the RMS Titanic. It is this way to your stateroom." He led me down a long hallway. 

The walls were painted a fresh white, along with the doors leading into the various rooms. The numbers on the doors were marked in gold plates. The floor covered in a deep red carpet. There were lamp light fixtures along the walls, near the ceiling. They attached to the walls with short curved brass posts, white crystal glass shades covering the bright light bulbs. 

We stopped in the middle of the hallway. My cabin number was C14. "Here you are, sir," Michael turned to me and handed me a brass key. "Dinner is served at 5PM in the First Class saloon. The pursers office is located on this deck at the landing of the grand staircase, should you wish to check anything. Enjoy the rest of your voyage, Mr. Copia." 

"Thank you, Michael," I replied. He nodded and turned, heading back in the direction we came from. 

I slid the key into the lock and it turned easily. The door opened and I stepped into my cabin, letting the door close behind me with a soft click. 

The room was larger than I expected but not obnoxiously so. The walls, unlike the ones out in the hallway, were a deep stained oak panel. Lamp fixtures hung on the wall, one above the bed and one above the sitting area. The one above the bed was a single light affixed to the wall with a gold bracket. The same white crystal shade covering the light as was in the hallway. It was the same on the other wall except there were two lamps instead of one.

To my right was my bed. It was a full size bed with a head and footboard the same color as the walls. Ornately carved to be curved along the top. The crisp white sheets looked comfortable, covered with a cream colored duvet pulled back half-way. 

Directly in front of me was a cherry wood table. It was small and had a matching chair, upholstered in the same cream colored fabric as the duvet. On the table was ship issued stationary. Off to the side was a red chaise lounge with a soft white throw blanket perfectly folded over the back of it. Beside the lounge was a small table in the same style as the writing table. The dresser across from the bed matched the color of the bed frame with round brass handles on the drawers. A large mirror sat atop it, attached to the wall. Next to it was the closed window. The curtains a light grey color that matched the carpet. They were pulled back, held in place by golden wall brackets, letting in the sunlight.

In the far left on the room was a door, which I assumed led to my bathroom. I stepped further into the room and set my suitcase onto the bed. Pulling out my pocket watch, I decided that I would take the time to put my things away before taking a short nap. My journey had been long and tiring. I could use the rest before getting ready for dinner. 

I unzipped my suitcase and removed my clothes, placing them neatly in the dresser drawers. Before grabbing my bath items and opening the door to my bathroom. 

The room was white, a bit of a stark contrast to the warm tones in the rest of the cabin but it worked well enough. The light marble countertop of the sink was sitting atop a light oak cabinet. I opened the door and placed my things underneath the sink. The bathtub was large and deep. The faucets a beautiful silver, the same as on the sink. The toilet was adjacent to the bathtub. I was almost tempted to forgo my nap in favor of a hot bath instead but thought better of it when I yawned.

Closing the door behind me, I moved over to the window and pulled the curtains shut. I removed my Cardinal robes and placed them over the back of the chaise lounge. Keeping my suit on, I laid down on the bed and turned onto my side. The bed was very comfortable and just what I needed. It only took me a few minutes to fall asleep.


	3. Disaster Avoided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A near-collision almost ruins the voyage before it even begins. Copia meets someone interesting on the boat deck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, these aren't longer chapters. But I am becoming invested in this so hopefully, I can keep bringing you chapters fairly quickly.

April 10th, 1912

I awoke with a start to the sound of the ship blaring its horn. The sound was deep and loud. My heart pounded heavily for a few moments. Sitting up, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and chanced a look at my pocket watch. It was around noon. I had slept for only a short while. 

I stood and moved over to the window, pulling back the curtains and looking out onto the pier. There were still hundreds of people moving about but the boarding ramps had been removed and the crew was preparing for the ship's departure. As tired as I was, I thought it might be nice to go up to the boat deck and watch the departure from there. This was my first time on a ship and I was interested to see how a vessel as big as this would be maneuvered out of the port. 

Turning away from the window, I grabbed my robes and put them back on. I didn't need to wear them but they covered the horribly wrinkled suit that I had worn to bed. I would change before dinner. 

I made sure I had my key before leaving my cabin. I locked the door and headed down the hallway in the direction of where the steward had led me earlier. Eventually, I came across a stairway and a sign that indicated the boat deck was three levels above me. The stairway was plain and I was rather surprised. The walls were stark white like the hallway and the stairs were the same. I wondered if I had actually wandered into a crew access hallway. Either way, it was not locked and I used the steps to climb up the flights to the top. 

I was greeted with the fresh smell of the sea air when I exited the stairwell. The sunlight was bright and the temperature a comfortable coolness. I was almost to the rail on the port side of the ship when I felt the massive vessel start to move. The sensation was new to me and it felt rather odd but not enough to make me uneasy. It felt like I was riding a very slow carousel without the spinning. The deck was crowded, but I still managed to find an empty spot at the rail. I leaned over, looking down over the water below me. 

There were three tugboats attached to the Titanic on the port side. I only assumed that there were the same number on the starboard side as well. I watched as they guided the ship out towards the wider water of the English channel. Once the ship was clear of the port I heard the sound of the engines, deep beneath me springing to life. The hum was quiet, almost comforting. 

The first of the tugboats dropped their moorings to the Titanic and we began to make a left turn. There were two smaller boats tied to each other along the docks. The stir of the water from the stern of the Titanic began to make them bob up and down violently. I felt a surge of anxiety as I watched. 

A sudden ear-splitting crack filled the air and I jumped, crying out in horror. The first crack was followed by a series of five more. I covered my ears with my hands and when I pulled them away the smaller of the two ships began to drift back towards the stern of the Titanic. 

Another loud sound filled the air, a clattering noise, followed by the loud splashing as the boarding ramp of the second ship fell into the water. For a moment I thought that it too would break free of its moorings but it held tight. 

I watched, mesmerized, as the small boat kept moving towards us. It was only a few feet away from the stern. I feared that it was about to hit us at any moment. 

One of the tugboats tossed a rope to the crew and pushed it's engines to full speed in the opposite direction, hoping to avoid the collision that seemed unavoidable. The smoke billowed heavily from the stack on the tugboat. The smaller boat, the New York I managed to read, continued to drift only inches away from us. 

I gasped and gripped the railing hard, preparing for the impact. Some of the other passengers around me did the same, others stepped back. It never came. The tugboat managed to gain control over the smaller ship and with the help of another ship, led it back towards the port. 

I stepped away from the rail, my heart pounding away in my chest. We had barely left port and things were already going wrong. I had doubts that I really wanted to continue on with this journey. I hadn’t wanted to admit it but my faith in my Lord wavered at that moment. Why had my God put me onto a ship that wasn’t ready to set sail? It was obvious the crew had no idea what they were doing, otherwise this could have been avoided. The ship was deemed unsinkable, yes, but was it really? Anything could sink in reality. I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom that I felt from that day for the remainder of the voyage. 

In my haste to forget about what just happened, I turned around and walked headfirst into another person standing near me. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly, not looking up. I stumbled and felt strong arms grip my shoulders to steady me. 

The person laughed, a light and musical sound. I felt my heart skip a beat. I raised my head and took in a breath. Standing before me was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I held his gaze, his eyes were an odd mismatched color, the left one an unearthly white and the other a deep and bright green. This should have bothered me, it didn’t. Somewhere in my scrambled brain, I knew what he was, but right now I couldn’t think. I was lost to that gaze. His eyes were alight in amusement and he was smiling at me. My heart fluttered again as I blushed in embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” I said again and I realized my mouth had been hanging open. “Excuse me.” I tried to move around him but he held me in place. 

“Forgive me,” he said, his voice velvety smooth. He had an accent, one that I recognized. I had the same one; Italian. 

Before I was reassigned to the London diocese I had served in the Vatican. Living there for most of my life. I haven’t been back since I’d moved to London and now I wasn’t sure if I ever would be. 

“My apologies, Cardinal,” he continued. “I did not mean embarrass you.” Great, he knew I was blushing. 

“My fault,” I said, smiling shyly. My wrecked brain seemed to focus on the fact that he was addressing me with my title and I wondered how he’d known. “Um…,” I continued, blushing deeper. I was lost in his eyes. I had never felt something like this before, it was both embarrassing and oddly arousing. “How did you know I was a Cardinal?”

He laughed again. “Are these robes not yours?” he asked in amusement. He fingered the red fabric hanging from my shoulders, gently rubbing it between his gloved fingers. My eyes widened, he must think me stupid for forgetting what I was wearing.

“Oh, um...Yes, they are,” I jerked my head awkwardly, biting my lip. This was really embarrassing. I wanted to get out of there but he still held onto my shoulders. I didn’t want to be rude and push him away. 

The man smiled at me again and I felt weak in the knees. He really was the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes upon. He dropped his hand from my robes and held it out to me. “Where are my manners?” he smirked. “I am Papa Emeritus the Third.” 

I stared at his hand, covered in the white glove. Realization dawned me then and I realized how I knew him. Or rather, how I knew of him. My already racing heart skipped another beat, as my eyes went to the upside-down cross embroidered into the left side of his black silk suit jacket. It was embellished in clear crystals reflecting brightly in the sunlight, the center of the cross made from light purple crystals. He was a Satanist, but not just any Satanist. His family name was held in high regard in the church of Satan and he was their Pope. 

I swallowed and took his hand. Regardless of who he was, it would be wrong for me to refuse his acquaintance. “Cardinal Copia,” I replied, refusing to meet his gaze. 

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Cardinal Copia.” His grip was tight and warm. I thought I rather enjoyed it. He dropped my hand then and removed his other hand from my shoulder.

“Likewise,” I said, taking in a breath. It was shaky. I was feeling a whole host of emotions at the moment. My brain couldn’t quite sort them out so it did the next most logical thing. It panicked. “I-I um-I have to go,” I said quickly and turned, praying that I didn’t run into someone else. I quickly walked off in the direction of the staircase I had come up from, not bothering to check and see if he was following me.

I didn’t stop until I was back into my cabin. I immediately stripped off my clothes and started a hot bath. I needed to think.


	4. An Internal Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia spends some time alone, thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't expect what happens here to happen so soon but it did.

April 10th, 1912

The water had gone cold but still, I sat there in the bathtub. How long I had been in the bath, I wasn't sure. I had taken the time to gather and attempt to sort out my thoughts. But found myself not much further along than I was when I had first gotten in here. 

I kicked the drain plug aside with my foot and let the water start to drain. I stood and grabbed a soft fluffy towel from the towel rack behind me. I stepped over the high edge of the tub and onto the soft bath mat. 

After I was dry, I made my way back into my room and dressed. It was too early to dress up for dinner, so I opted for just dress pants and a shirt. I would return later for my waistcoat. I needed to think more and decided that perhaps doing so while exploring the ship was my best option. It gave me something to focus on if my brain decided it wanted to drift off again. I grabbed my coat and tossed it on over my dress shirt. 

A part of me wondered if I’d run into Papa Emeritus again. I had no idea where he was or even what deck his stateroom was on. There was no doubt that he would be traveling First Class as well, the man was practically made of money. I felt my heart start beating wildly in my chest and I couldn’t quite place whether it was from my anxiety or from something else entirely. 

When I first laid eyes on the man, there was no doubt that I found him extremely handsome. He carried himself with an air of confidence and arrogance, both of which frustrated me beyond comprehension. In reality, I need not even associate with the leader of the Satanic church. I was a devout Catholic Cardinal and I should not even be speaking with someone who is so deeply devoted to the Anti-Christ. Yet something about Papa Emeritus intrigued me. 

I found myself thinking more about him as I moved through the ship. I really had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I had no intention of ending up anywhere. I just needed to walk. I thought about how the sound of his voice made me shiver, how the feel of his hands on my shoulders felt warm and comforting, how he had fingered the fabric of my robes. His beautiful face had made me weak in the knees and the sound of his laugh in my mind sent tingles down my spine. My throat made a sudden sound that I wasn’t familiar with and I stopped dead in my tracks as I realized what was happening to me. 

Wrapping my coat tightly around my waist, I turned and headed back to my room. Once I was back inside I stripped off my coat and stared at myself in the mirror across from me. My face was flushed and I was breathing heavily. My pupils were wide and dark, my body trembling. I didn’t need to look down to know that I had an erection, but the bulge in my pants was all too obvious to me in the mirror.

I looked away then, ashamed. Everything that I had been taught in my years in the church had told me that these feelings of lust that I was having were wrong. Very wrong. Especially because they were towards another man. As an ordained member of the church, I was not allowed to have romantic or sexual relationships with anyone, man or woman. But that’s not to say I hadn’t had the urges. There were times when I would find myself longing for the touch of another. Most times I found myself thinking of another man, not a woman like society would have me think. When I was younger I would sometimes try and catch the eye of a man I found myself admiring but they would never show any interest. 

I joined the church in hopes that my faith could make me forget these urges. In my training, I was taught that these feelings I had were sinful in the eyes of our Lord and that if I acted on them I would find myself cast out from the church and fated to an eternity in Hell. The act of touching myself to relieve these feelings was also a punishable action. 

“Damn it all,” I muttered, frustrated, as the image of Papa Emeritus's face flashed through my mind again. I had no clue what I was doing or why I was doing it, but I hastily stripped off my clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor and climbed into the bed. I laid on my back and swallowed hard. "Lord, forgive me," I muttered, looking up at the ceiling. I bit my lip as my heart skipped a beat and began pounding away in my chest. 

I slowly trailed my shaking hand over my body, letting it inch lower, towards my erection. I took in a breath and prayed to my God that he would forgive me for what I was about to do. 

I closed my eyes and tentatively ran my fingertips along my shaft, touching myself for the first time. I enjoyed the feeling. It sent little tingles down my spine. I did this a couple of times and found myself thinking about Papa again. I imagined that it was his fingers touching me. A small moan escaped my lips and I blushed, ashamed that I had made such an obscene sound at the thought of another man touching me.

But I didn't stop, I found myself enjoying the sensations too much. My fingers closed around my cock and I squeezed it gently. I knew how people had sex so I figured that perhaps moving my hand up and down my erection would feel good. I was right. My hand felt soft and warm. I enjoyed the tingling sensation I felt when I squeezed myself again. 

Curious, I released my hold and lightly ran my fingertips along the head of my cock. This felt even better I decided and began to apply more pressure. As I started to trace my thumb around the head, my cock twitched and squirted out some slick precum. I moaned again, this time, less ashamed of the action. I was starting to enjoy this too much to worry about the sounds I was making. I was alone in my cabin with no one but strangers in the rooms next door. 

The image of Papa came to me again and I closed my eyes, wrapping my hand around my cock again. Once more, I imagined that it was his hand on me, stroking me up and down, slick with my prerelease. Instinctively I began to lift my hips up off the bed and pushed myself into my hand. I did this until I was panting. 

I felt a growing burning sensation come over my body, it was pleasant. I felt it build up until I was shaking from the pleasure. I continued my motions but nothing more was happening. I cried as I couldn't get the tension to release. I groaned in discomfort, my arm and legs ached from the physical effort. I sobbed out, craving that sweet release that never came.

Finally, I stopped my movements and slumped back into the bed. I cried as the burning desire faded away and my cock went soft. 

Eventually, I got up to get back into the bathtub to clean myself up. 

As I sat once more in the hot water, I cried and I prayed to my God to help me. I was highly attracted to the man who served the enemy of my church. My faith was strong, or so I thought. But I needed an answer from my God. I found myself trapped in a crisis and I needed my faith now more than ever. He never answered my prayer.


	5. The Unusual Courtship of Cardinal Copia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner is served. Copia only wants to eat in peace but finds himself in a very frustrating situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took so long to finish. I'm dealing with some personal health issues at the moment that are leaving in a lot of pain. I had to do some extra research for this chapter as well and I found that there are few small details in previous chapters that are incorrect. Not enough to interfere with anything but they aren't completely historically accurate. They will be corrected moving forward if I need to include them.

April 10th, 1912

The sound of the horn announcing that dinner was about to begin pulled me from my thoughts. I had been sitting at my writing table with my bible open in front of me, reading through some of my favorite scriptures. I should have found comfort in them. I didn't. 

Sighing heavily, I stood and left the book on the table as I began to dress in my dinner attire. I chose a simple tailored suit. Black dress pants, freshly pressed white shirt, black vest and tie with the matching waistcoat. I should have worn a hat but my head hurt slightly and I thought better of it. I often suffered from headaches and a hat would only exacerbate the pain. 

Satisfied with my look, I grabbed my key and left my cabin. The hallway was rather crowded with other passengers, some heading to the dining saloon, others headed back to their staterooms. I felt a little uncomfortable with the thought of so many people being around me. I hated large crowds. But I was hungry enough to endure them long enough to eat. I would find an empty table to sit at by myself once I reached the dining room. 

I moved through the hallway towards the grand staircase. The dining saloon was one deck below. When I reached the staircase I took a few moments to take in the beauty of it. It was made of perfectly stained wood, a deep brown color. The same as the panels on the wall and the pillars throughout the room. The railings were carved to look like curved metal rails. The stairway itself was wide and separated by another railing in between. The stairs curved outwards as they descended. Two posts sat atop the railings at the bottom of the wooden steps. Atop them were bronze cherub statues, each carrying a torch, holding up the light fixtures in the shape of a white flame. The lights in the wooden ceiling panels were that same white but had a rounded glass covering them instead.

I stepped down onto D deck and found that it was a large open space. Off to the sides were tables and chairs set up for guests to socialize before or after dinner. 

When I walked into the dining room my breath caught as I took in the enormous room. The walls and ceiling were covered in ornate panels that were painted white, the floor covered in blue tiles that had an elegant red and yellow pattern on them. The portholes were covered by windows that had scenery painted on them giving the impression that we were eating while at shore. They were also backlit, glowing beautifully. The wooden tables were covered in pristine white table cloths with ship issued fine china atop them, each had accompanying dark wooden chairs upholstered in dark green fabric. In the middle of the room was a gorgeous chandelier. It hung high from the ceiling, lit by a hundred long crystals. 

I chose a small table in the back corner of the room, away from the crowd of elegantly dressed passengers. Perhaps it was a bad idea to sit with my back to the rest of the room but I wanted to eat in peace. 

After a few moments, a waiter walked over. "Will you be dining alone this evening, sir?" he asked me politely. 

"Yes," I replied. 

"Do you wish to see the menu?"

"That won't be necessary." I would eat pretty much anything and although I was not accustomed to such luxury dining, I'm sure I would have no issues with the menu.

The waiter nodded. "And your wine preference?" 

"Red," I said. It was not that I disliked white wine, I just found reds to be more appealing. The waiter bowed and turned to go into the kitchen. 

I sat there, listening to the noise of the chatter and happy laughter in the room and the soft music of the ship's band playing quiet dinner music. 

I heard footsteps approaching my table and I assumed it was my waiter back with my wine. I grabbed my empty glass and turned with it in my hand. I almost dropped it when I saw who was standing behind me. 

"I appreciate the offer, Cardinal, but that wine glass is empty." The sound of beautiful laughter filled the air and my heart started to race. My grip loosened on the glass and it slipped from my fingers. 

Papa Emeritus was quick to catch it, gracefully leaning forward and scooping it out of the air. He reached around me and set it down onto the table. I stared at him. My mind racing just as fast as my heart was. My instinct was to run but my ass stayed firmly planted in my chair. I couldn't move even if I had wanted to. My legs felt weak as I looked up into those eyes that made me feel like I was drowning. He was staring right back at me, a twinkle of amusement his expression. My head swam. "Mind if I join you, Copia?" Papa asked, smiling. 

I blinked, dazed by his smile. I felt myself blushing again and suddenly I was remembering what this man was capable of doing to me. "I'm dining alone tonight," I said, dropping my eyes and turning back to the table. 

"Pity," he replied, voice velvet smooth. I bit back a moan as I felt him brush the back of my shoulder as he turned around. 

Something came over me then and I turned back around quickly. My heart thumping away in my chest and my cheeks red as apples. "You may join me," I said. "I simply meant I was waiting for no one else," I spoke fast and I'm sure I sounded desperate. A part of me was. "Please join me, Papa Emeritus." I flung my hand at the chair opposite me nervously. 

I watched carefully as Papa walked around the table. His movements were obscenely elegant, his steps calculated and smooth. He kept an arm squared behind his back, the other at his side. 

Papa pulled the chair back and lifted his coattails before sitting down. He wore a black tuxedo with the same white gloves he had on earlier, large rings on his fingers, one platinum in the shape of the upside-down cross that was vacant from his clothing. His jet black hair was slicked back and he too wore no hat. 

Once he was settled, Papa sat back and crossed his legs. Something I had never seen someone do in public before. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. He was staring at me again and I refused to meet his gaze. 

Thankfully I didn't have to say anything as the waiter reappeared with my open bottle of red wine. "I see you have some company," the waiter said to me with a smile. I nodded as he filled my wine glass, still on the table where Papa had set it down. 

"Wine, sir?" The waiter addressed Papa. 

Papa nodded and smiled. "Yes, of course." 

"Do you care to view the menu for tonight, sir?" He filled Papa's glass with the red liquid. 

"I do," Papa replied. "I would like you to omit anything that is not to my liking." 

"Of course." The waiter set the wine bottle onto the table between us and handed him a menu. 

Papa took a few moments to look it over while I picked up my glass with shaking hands. I wanted nothing more than to gulp down the entire glass but knew better. I took a couple of sips instead before setting it back down. 

“I will skip the seventh and the ninth course,” Papa sighed, handing the waiter back the menu. 

“No problem, sir. I shall return with your hors d’oeuvres.” The waiter bowed and left us. 

Silence fell upon us and I tried to focus on the sound of the orchestra playing music in the background. I wasn’t looking at Papa but I knew he was looking at me. I could feel those mismatched eyes on me. It was frustrating enough sitting here with him, I didn’t need him staring at me the entire time as well. I grabbed my wine glass and took a hearty drink, if I got enough of it in me then I would feel a little more at ease. 

I chanced a glance at him as I set my glass back onto the table. He was smirking at me. My heart leaped in my chest and I took in a sharp quiet breath. I felt the heat in my cheeks and I knew it wasn’t from the wine. He picked up his own wine and swirled it in the glass before taking a small sip. He hummed in satisfaction. “Vermouth,” he said. “Nice choice, Cardinal.” He sat the glass back down.

I blushed darker. “I didn’t choose it,” I mumbled. “The waiter asked me for my preferences and this is what he brought.” My eyes were looking anywhere but at his beautiful face; the table, the floor, the walls, other people. I absentmindedly played with my salad fork like an impatient child would.

Papa tapped the table with his foot a few times before leaning forward. He put his elbows on the table, folded his hands and rested his chin on them. “So tell me, Cardinal Copia,” he said, conversationally. “What brings you to the Titanic?” 

I wanted to scowl at him for his lack of manners. I briefly looked around to see if anyone was watching us, no one was. Still, I wanted to reach over and pull his elbows off the table. I bit my lip instead. 

Our food arrived and I immediately set to eating it. I was hungry but I was also avoiding his question. I’d have to answer it eventually but it gave me time to think over what I wanted to say. Part of me wanted to lie, the other part of me couldn’t. “You did not answer my question,” Papa said as he poked an oyster with his gloved finger. I looked at his hand, appalled at his mannerisms. Granted I should have realized this, it’s not like the man cared what anyone thought about him.

“Can you stop that?” I snapped suddenly. Frustration rising in me. 

“Stop what, Cardinal?” Papa laughed, a smirk on his face. He looked at me and I picked up on the lust in his eyes. The blood rushed straight to my groin. The bastard was flirting with me, and it was working. My self-control wavering and I was quickly losing it.

I closed my eyes, trying to bring my anger with him to the surface. Perhaps that would stop my body from reacting in this inappropriate manner. I opened them and took a breath. I pointed at the oysters with my fork. “Either eat the damned things or leave them alone,” I said, trying to sound annoyed but I’m not sure it came out that way. 

“I’ll eat them,” he decided and picked one up. Keeping his gaze on mine, he tilted his head back and downed the oyster in one elegant swallow. I stared at his neck, and I found myself licking my lips. I wanted to kiss the pale skin there, his skin looked soft and I bet it was. I imagined how it would feel under my lips. Lord help me, I thought as I quickly grabbed an oyster of my own and gulped it down to stop a moan from escaping my lips. 

“I am headed to New York City,” I started talking. I desperately needed something to distract me from the growing ache between my legs. I shifted, trying to relieve some of the pressure at the front of my pants. It didn’t work so well. “Last week I received a letter from the Vatican. They are reassigning me to another diocese in the United States.” 

“I see,” Papa said, sipping his wine again. “A little last minute, don’t you think?”

“Maybe,” I replied, between bites of my food. We had received our next courses. “I do not mind. There really was nothing tying me down in London. I had no reason to stay other than it was my home for the years I didn’t spend serving in the Vatican.” 

“And you just agreed to go to New York? No questions asked?” I wondered why he was prying. I bit my lip again, watching him eat his soup. 

“Yes. I serve my Pope and that is what he wanted of me. I cannot say no,” I said. 

“But what if you could?” Papa asked and his tone was smooth, almost seductive. “Given the choice, Cardinal Copia, would you have said no?” 

I frowned, unsure of what he was getting at. “No,” I said and I was sure I had meant it. But then I thought for a moment. Perhaps if I had a choice, maybe not. I liked the small church I oversaw back in London. I hated large crowds and large congregations. The very thought of moving to New York gave me anxiety but I had hoped that I would come to manage that. It was something that I would have to adjust to. “Well…” I stopped, suddenly unsure if I should continue. What if Papa Emeritus was looking for a way in, a way to break down my faith so that he could convert me over to the dark side? I mean, surely he didn’t actually find me attractive. I was almost certain that he was just using his Master’s tricks to convince me to forsake my God. 

“Well what, Cardinal?” Papa was smiling again. He looked proud of himself for something. My heart was pounding away in my chest again.

I scowled at him but gave in. Why I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that my composure was gone. I was lost to him at this point and I knew I had to get out of there if I was to have any resistance left. “Perhaps if I had had the chance to say no, I might have stayed,” I was whispering and I wasn’t looking at him. I couldn’t. 

“And why would that be?” I could hear the amusement in his tone. He had me right where he wanted me. I shifted again. I wasn’t even halfway through my meal and already I was feeling sick.

I kept talking. It was like something was telling me to stay there. To stay with him. “Because I suffer from anxiety,” I mumbled. “I do not like large crowds or social situations.” 

“Is that why I found you seated back here, away from the rest of the passengers?” Suddenly his tone was soft, almost comforting. I looked up at him and I saw that he was giving me a sympathetic look. 

“Yes,” I replied, ashamed. 

“You are a shy one, Cardinal,” Papa said. “Don’t let it bother you so much.”

“Easier said than done, Papa Emeritus,” I said. I decided not to say anything more and went back to my food, in hope that it would help settle my stomach. 

After a moment, I heard the clank of his fork being set down on his plate. “You know, it wasn’t just by chance that you ran into me on the boat deck earlier,” he said. I looked at him, confused. I saw a twinkle in his eyes. “I saw you watching the commotion from the other side of the deck. The more I watched you, the more I wanted to meet you.” 

I blushed again and my stomach did a flip flop. I took a sip of wine in an attempt to keep the nausea at bay. “But why?” I asked, slightly intrigued. I thought that maybe he wasn’t here to try and bring me to the dark side after all, that perhaps there was something else.

“I like interesting people, Cardinal,” he replied, smiling. “I find them very engaging and you are very interesting to me.” 

I laughed nervously. I was far from interesting; a boring old Cardinal with no personality and a lot of anxiety. I was the last person someone like Papa Emeritus would find intriguing. “I am not,” I said. “I am far from interesting.” 

“I assure you, dear Cardinal,” Papa said assuringly. “I do find you interesting. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you.” He paused and laughed lightly, looking away for just a moment and taking a sip of his wine. He leaned forward and looked me in the eyes. I swallowed hard as I took in a deep breath. “I knew I had to have you.” Papa winked at me and I let out a small squeak as panic overtook me. 

My head started to spin and I was breathing fast. I blushed fiercely. He sat back, and smirked. He knew what he was doing to me. I stared at him, unable to say anything or even move. My limbs felt like they had been filled with cement. 

He continued as if he hadn’t noticed the state I was in. He smiled slightly, looking me in the eyes. I whimpered slightly. “When I first approached you and you ran into me, you looked at me, and I could see it in your eyes too. I knew that you wanted me too.” He leaned in again and reached across the table. His gloved hand brushed against my cheek. I shivered at the touch, letting out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding in. It was everything I dreamed it would be; his touch was gentle as he caressed me, his gloves soft and warm. He chuckled quietly as he looked into my wide eyes, his were dark with a desire burning in them. I felt it in my soul. I whimpered again and I felt my cock twitch in my pants. “I see what I do to you, sweet Copia, and you do it to me too. I know you want me right now.”

My limbs unlocked at that moment and I was able to move. I scrambled to my feet in a desperate attempt to run. I could not give in to these desires, as much as my body wanted me to. My heart was beating so fast I couldn’t feel it. I turned from the table, leaving my food and rushed towards the grand staircase. 

I wasn’t aware that Papa had gotten up as well and hurried after me. “Copia,” he called out to me the moment I reached the bottom of the staircase. I stopped, I don’t know why, but I did. I turned to face him. “If you wish to see me again,” he said and I saw a hint of a smile on his lips. “And I know you will, my promenade suite is B52.” I said nothing and turned back around. I hurried up the steps and back to my room, locking myself inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should have more soon.


	6. Faith Misplaced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia has a crisis regarding his faith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than the last chapter but this had to happen to further their relationship.

April 10th, 1912

I threw myself onto my bed and screamed into my pillow. I was angry at myself for letting my emotions get to this point. I shouldn't have sat in the dining saloon for that long. I let Papa Emeritus talk me into this state and it was my own damn fault that I was lusting after him. 

I sat up and stared at my open bible, sitting on the table where I had left it. Earlier I had gone searching through it for comfort. Now I wanted to search for answers. Answers that weren't there. They never had been and they never would be. I had questioned this before but not in recent years. 

Back when I was just a young priest, I had these same urges, no where near as intense but still, they were there. I had questioned my faith then and now I was questioning it again. This time though, I knew my faith was gone. I wasn't sure what I was looking for but I knew I couldn't find it within my religion. 

Why would a loving God deny me the chance to feel good? None of this made sense to me. We were meant to obey a higher power but in doing so we lost our free will. I gave up my chance at love to serve this God and I have gotten nothing in return. The very thought of spending the rest of my days serving in a dead-end role made me angry again. I grabbed my bible and threw it across the room. It bounced off the wall and hit the floor with a heavy thud. 

I left it there. I still needed answers. I knew where to go to find them.

~*~

I was shaking by the time I got to his door. Taking a deep breath and telling myself that I needed to do this, I raised my hand and knocked on the ornately carved dark wood. After a few moments, I heard the lock turn and the door swung open. 

Papa Emeritus stood on the other side, in a dark purple silk dressing gown. The symbol of the upside-down cross embroidered in gold on the left side of his chest. 

"I have to admit, I wasn't expecting you so soon, Cardinal," he said, smiling. He leaned up against the doorframe. "Come to give in to those lustful temptations, have you?" He grinned.

I stared at him, breathing heavily. All my thoughts gone. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. "Relax, Cardinal," Papa laughed when he saw the look on my face. "I am joking." He moved away from the entrance to his suite and motioned me to come in. I relaxed slightly. 

Taking a breath, I stepped into the room. His room looked different than mine, particularly because his bedroom was separated from the sitting room. The walls were also different, they were wood-paneled but stained a dark cherry color. They were adorned in gold trim. The light fixtures were gold and set on each wall with three lights each, the shades a white crystal much like those found throughout the rest of the ship. The floor was covered in a cream-colored carpet, decorated with colorful flowers. The furniture; one couch, two loveseats, and three chairs were upholstered in the same fabric as the carpet. In the corner of the room was a writing table exactly as the one back in my cabin. The fireplace off to the right of me was lit. It was framed in light oak, above it hung a round mirror trimmed in the same gold that embellished the walls. A small wooden clock sat on the mantle. I saw that it was much later than I realized, after nine. The two windows were closed but the white curtains still pulled back.

"Have a seat, Copia," Papa said. "Anywhere you'd like. This place is quite spacious." 

"I'm sorry, Papa Emeritus," I said as I took a seat on the loveseat near the fireplace. "I was unaware of the time. It is late." 

"No matter," Papa said as he sat down across from me in a chair. "I do not turn in early." He sat there for a moment, watching me. I pulled on my fingers nervously, unsure of how to start the conversation I needed to have. "Unless you need to turn in early." Papa was still watching me. He seemed amused but also a bit concerned. 

I shook my head, I was a bit tired but I was already here. If I left now I'm not sure I could collect the courage to come back. "I am fine," I said. "I took a nap shortly after arriving this afternoon." 

Papa hummed in response. "If you haven't come to give into those sinful desires of yours, then why have you come here, dear Cardinal? Not many people make a social call at this time of night." He laughed quietly. 

I looked away, Papa was trying real hard to get into my pants and I wasn't sure I could resist any more. I knew the only way to get rid of these feelings was to give in, still, I wasn't ready. It wasn't why I was here now anyway. "You're headed to New York City, as well, aren't you?" I asked. It was the only way I could think of to start this conversation. 

"I am," he replied. He looked at me curiously and I wondered if he knew why I was here. "But I am not staying. After a month I shall return home to Sweden."

"You are from Sweden?" I said. Perhaps this would go in my favor. 

"I live there yes," Papa said. "I'm sure you know the origins of my family name though." 

I nodded. "I do." The Emeritus family originated in Italy. Papa's father had formed the church of Satan to act as an alternative to Catholicism. The Vatican did not take well to this and forced them out of the country, but I had no idea where the Emeritus line had ended up. There were many other congregations under the church of Satan, and I had never bothered to keep track of them. 

"I am to oversee the administration of a new church in New York," Papa said. "My father insisted that I be the one to go. He said that he only trusted me to this task." He laughed again. "The old man is crazy. He could have easily sent one of my brothers instead. But I do not mind. I enjoy the travel. It allows me to meet new faces. It makes my lonely life interesting." 

"Lonely?" I inquired. Surely he didn't mean that. I almost pitied the man. Someone like him couldn't possibly be lonely. Papa Emeritus was a total extrovert, he knew no shame in public. 

"You are not the only one traveling alone, Cardinal," Papa said. He looked at me, there was something in his eyes I couldn't place but he also had a hint of a smile on his beautiful lips. Now I did pity him. I looked away, understanding of his words. I felt the same. "My tastes in partners is not the most acceptable to society. I have never married. My desire for a woman is not quite as strong." I met his eyes again and that same look was still in them. I felt an odd feeling in my chest, it almost hurt. 

"Mine are as well. That is why I joined the church," I muttered and I hadn't meant to say it. I bit my lip. "I did not mean to say that, Papa Emeritus."

Papa smiled sweetly at me. "No matter, Copia," he replied. "I am in no need of a wife." 

"Do you not want an heir?" I asked curiously.

"My brother has a son," he said. "I will not be Papa forever." He sighed but then grinned at me. "Surely you have not come to my suite to discuss matters of my love life."

I swallowed and took in a breath. "I am conflicted," I whispered. "My faith, it is wavering."

Papa smirked and shifted, crossing his legs. "Have you come here to confess, Cardinal?" he seemed amused again. "I am no Catholic Pope." 

"I'm aware," I said. His tone was annoying me but I ignored it in favor of getting out what I needed to say. "I've come here because I am no longer sure if I wish to stay within my current faith." I pulled at my fingers nervously and shuffled my feet.

Papa looked at me and I could tell he was thinking. A moment passed before he spoke. "Your faith is strong, Copia, of that I am sure. You would never have made Cardinal status otherwise," Papa said and his tone had changed. He sounded almost professional like he was speaking to me in confessional. "But maybe misplaced." He paused and I met his gaze. He held it as he continued. "You told me that the reason why you joined the Catholic church was because you had no desire to marry." 

"That is not entirely true, Papa Emeritus," I replied, looking away again. "You are partially correct. I do not wish to marry. However, that is because I never had desires for a woman."

I chanced a glance at Papa. The smirk was back on his face. I scowled and huffed slightly. He spoke next. "These desires, they are for another man, yes?" I glared at him. He knew damn well who they were for. He seemed unaffected by my look. "I mean before me, dear Cardinal, you've felt this way before?"

"A few times, yes," I admitted. "I am forbidden to act on them." 

"You'd be forbidden to act on them regardless of who they were for," Papa replied and his voice was back to that normal tone. "Man or woman." 

I said nothing. I was feeling ashamed again. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. 

"You know that Satan will not judge for this," Papa was careful with his words. "He encourages His followers to act on their desires that will bring them happiness. He does not take their free will. Not like your God does." 

I nodded. I'd made my decision. I stood up and moved towards Papa. He watched me and shifted in the chair so that he was sitting straight. I locked eyes with him and my hands shook as I reached around to the back of my neck. I unclasped the chain holding my cross and removed it. 

I sank to my knees in front of him and dropped my cross to the floor, bowing my head. "I wish to devote my life to the Master. I will serve Him with love and devotion until the end of my days." I looked up into Papa's eyes. "I pledge to serve you, as my dark Pope, my Papa. I promise to do anything and everything you ask of me in the name of our Lord and Master."


	7. Welcome to the Church of Satan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa accepts Copia's offer and teaches him something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet. I should have more soon.

April 10th, 1912

Papa was looking at me intently. I couldn’t read his expression, he kept his face blank. He did reach out and touch my cheek lightly. “What is your name, sweet Copia?” Papa asked gently. 

I was confused and I felt my anxiety creep up. Was he rejecting me? That was an odd thing to ask in a moment like this. I dropped my gaze but stayed still. “Andrea,” I muttered. “My name is Andrea Copia.”

Papa moved his hand to my chin and lifted it. “I will accept your offer of eternal servitude on behalf of my infernal Master, Andrea Copia. But only on the condition that I am satisfied with your answers to a few questions. Do you swear to answer them truthfully? Do not let your feelings for me get in the way of your answers.”

I nodded, heart racing away in my chest. This was my last chance to back out. I had forsaken my God and part of me regretted that, but the rest of me was feeling invigorated. Like I was coming up for fresh air after not realizing that I was drowning. “I swear, Papa Emeritus,” I said, a bit excitedly. 

He laughed quietly. “So eager to join the dark side, are you?” he whispered, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. I bit back a whimper but found myself slightly leaning into his soft touch.

“Yes,” I replied and I knew I sounded desperate. I was. 

“Remember what I told you, this has nothing to do with me,” Papa said seriously, looking at me directly. He continued, asking his first question. “Do you come here of your own free will?”

“Yes,” I answered, although for a moment I wasn’t so sure. I mean, he had tried to seduce me and it worked. I had so easily fallen victim to his charms. But in the end, it wasn’t just him that had convinced me to forsake my old God. It had been years of me oppressing my own desires that led me to make this choice. So yes, I had made this decision of my own free will and I was ready to embrace my new life. “I want to do this, no one has convinced me other than myself.”

“Good,” Papa replied, nodding. He continued after a moment. “You realize that by joining the church of Satan, you will be stripped of your Cardinal status within the Catholic church?” 

“I do,” I said, voice wavering. I was shaking. This was the part I was dreading. This was not something I wanted to give up so easily because I had worked hard to earn my Cardinal title, but I knew it had to be done.

Papa leaned down and took my hands in an attempt to calm me. “But that is not to say you won’t ever make Cardinal within my own church. I see greatness within you Andrea Copia, I know you can reach that status, and you may even make Papa one day.” Papa smiled and I knew it was another attempt to calm me. I took in a deep breath, his words did help. I felt the excitement starting to come back. “Satan does not ask his followers to give up their free will, but breaking the laws of man is punishable by outcasting from the church. Do you understand?” 

“Yes,” I said, my mind wandered though and I wondered if that meant I still couldn’t give in to my desires, even if Papa had said moments before that our Master would not stop me from acting on them. “All laws though?” I asked shyly as I squeezed his hand, trying to get him to understand what I was getting at without having to say it.

Papa smiled. “Not all laws, no. Just those that are punishable with a lengthy prison term.” He gave my hand a squeeze back.

“I understand,” I said, smiling back at him. 

“I am satisfied with your answers, Copia,” Papa said. “You may rise.” 

I climbed to my feet and Papa stood as well. Our bodies were only inches apart. I took in a shaky breath as my heart started beating wildly. “Welcome to the church of Satan, Andrea Copia,” Papa whispered. Our gazes met and I watched as Papa brought a hand to my face. He cupped my cheek and leaned forward. I felt a warming sensation flood my senses as Papa brushed his lips against mine in a chaste kiss. 

My body stiffened and my eyes fell closed as I savored the feeling of my first kiss. It was gentle and loving, and it was everything I wanted it to be. Yet it left me wanting more. I opened my eyes and found Papa looking at me. His eyes had darkened slightly and he had a small smile on his lips. “Is that how you welcome every new member of your clergy?” I asked, breathless.

His smile widened and I felt my legs go weak, somehow I managed to keep myself upright. “Not every member, no,” he replied in amusement. “Only the ones I wish to.” He kissed me again, this time pressing his lips against mine a little harder. I moaned as the warming sensation filled me again. I felt little tingles go through my body. This was an entirely new feeling for me. Yes, it was similar to what I had experienced earlier in my own cabin while I was touching myself, but still completely different. This was much, much better.

Papa parted his lips and began running his tongue back and forth over my bottom lip. I didn’t know what he wanted, but I liked it so I did it back to him. Papa pulled away then, laughing quietly. “Dear Copia,” he whispered, brushing his lips over mine again. “You do not know how to kiss, do you?” 

I blushed and turned away from him. I was afraid to admit that I was still very much a virgin to him. I turned my gaze back to his and smiled shyly, at this point he’d already know. “I have not kissed anyone before, Papa Emeritus,” I replied quietly. 

“You are blushing, Andrea,” Papa said, tracing over my lips with his fingertips. I shivered as I felt my face turn scarlet. “Do not let this bother you. I will show you how to kiss properly.” 

Papa watched me as he brought his hand to my lips. He pressed his index finger down on my bottom lip. “Open your mouth for me, Andrea,” Papa whispered and I obeyed, parting my lips for him. “Good.” He slipped the digit into my mouth. “Now, suck gently.” I did as he asked and he moved his finger around my tongue. Soon I got the hint and began circling my tongue around him. I was drooling by the time he pulled his fingers away. 

I swallowed as Papa leaned in, bringing his lips inches away from mine. He smiled. “Very good, now do that again,” he whispered, kissing me again. When he pushed against my lips with his tongue, I opened my mouth for him. We kissed deeply. I let him take control but I also moved my tongue along his. 

I was enjoying this very much. Papa’s lips tasted minty and I only assumed that he had recently brushed his teeth. It was a taste I would never grow tired of, even years later, I still craved to feel his lips on mine. My hands went to the front of his silky dressing gown and I pressed my hands against the material, feeling the warmth of his body underneath. His arms slipped around my waist and pulled me close. I wanted more. I whimpered into his mouth and he pulled back, leaving me shaking and breathless in his strong arms. “Perhaps this is enough for tonight,” Papa said as I traced the outline of the upside-down cross on his chest. “It is late and I desire to retire to my bed.”

“I don’t want to leave,” I whispered and I felt tears begin to sting at my eyes. My chest was aching and I wasn’t sure why.

“Ah, but you must, dear Andrea,” Papa muttered as he placed little kisses along my jaw. My body tingled again. “The day comes to an end and I am tired. I did not get any rest today, my journey was a long one.” I nodded in defeat and stepped back, out of his warm embrace. I felt oddly chilled. “Return here in the morning, sweet Copia. There are things we must discuss.” 

I nodded again and turned towards the door. Papa followed me, he reached for the doorknob and opened it for me. “Goodnight, Andrea.” He placed a quick peck to my lips. I blushed and looked around, afraid that we had been seen. The hallway was empty, much to my relief. 

“Goodnight, Papa Emeritus,” I replied.

I turned to leave but he reached for my arm, turning me back around. He pulled me in for another kiss, this one much deeper than the last. I broke it after a few moments, blushing and still afraid that we would be seen. “Alessandro,” he whispered in my ear, smiling.

“What?” I asked him, confused.

Papa laughed. “Alessandro is my given name,” he replied amused. “I was correcting you.”

I smiled at the name. I thought it was very fitting to his personality. “Goodnight, Alessandro,” I said and Papa nodded in approval. “See you in the morning.” I kissed him on the cheek and he dropped my arm, letting me go.


	8. Let Me Rid You of Your Frustrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Papa and Copia both awake feeling a little under the weather. After some rest Copia agrees to let Papa help him solve a nagging problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I started it the other day but yesterday I was busy, still I wrote the bulk of this chapter last night and finished it early this morning. I kinda wrote this to make me feel better. I am still in a lot of pain and not looking forward to this coming week. Anyway, enjoy!

April 11th, 1912

I slept well that night. I awoke feeling at peace with my decision from the previous night. Unfortunately, I also found myself feeling rather seasick. Thankfully the nausea was not overwhelming and I was able to get out of bed and get dressed. I put on simple dress clothes; dark grey slacks, white shirt, and a matching waistcoat. I had no desire to put on a tie, vest or hat. It was still early as the sun was low in the sky when I pulled back the curtains covering my window. I thought about setting out to explore the ship, but the thought of seeing Papa again excited me too much. 

I left my overcoat on the chair and exited my cabin, heading in the direction of Papa's suite. As I walked through the ship I started to feel worse. I knew that I was imagining the feeling of the deck rocking under my feet. The ship was much too big for me to actually be feeling it. I wondered if it was some strange manifestation of my anxiety causing this. It only seemed to get worse as I climbed the grand staircase to B deck. I stopped, my head was spinning, and I took a seat off to the side in one of the light oak sitting chairs. 

I rested there for several minutes, contemplating whether or not I should go back to my room, sitting seemed to help a little bit. I was more than halfway to Papa's cabin so I figured I'd just continue on. When I felt well enough to stand, I got up and walked down the hallway to Papa’s stateroom. I knocked lightly and it took him several minutes to open the door. He swung the door open looking a beautiful mess. Papa wore the same dressing gown he had last night, his black hair was tousled and his eyes barely open. I must have woken him, he looked tired. “Copia,” Papa muttered, eyes slipping closed. He yawned.

Despite not looking forward to returning to my own cabin, I thought that bed was probably the best place for both of us at the moment. I regretted coming here this early. “I’m sorry, Papa,” I said, turning away. “It was not my intention to wake you so early. I will go.” The motion of turning made my nausea flare and I gagged slightly. 

“Andrea,” Papa said, sleepily. He laid a hand on my shoulder, turning me back around. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, Alessandro,” I lied, swallowing. “Just a little seasick I think.”

Papa nodded slowly. “I am too,” he replied. “As much as I enjoy traveling, I do not handle sea vessels very well." 

"I'm sorry," I said again. "Perhaps I should just return to my bed." 

"Nonsense," Papa said and stepped aside so that I could enter the sitting room. "Come sit with me, Copia, we can be miserable together." 

I hesitated, staying in the hallway. Papa really looked like he should be in bed and to be honest, I wanted to be too. My head was spinning again. "I think maybe you should be in bed, Papa. You look really tired." 

He laughed quietly and sighed. "You are not wrong," he replied through another heavy yawn. "I do not like this nausea either." He thought for a moment, looking at me and smiling slightly. "Maybe I should invite you to my bed instead?" 

I blushed as I felt my heart start to race. Papa noticed my nervousness. "My suite has an extra bedroom if you would prefer that Andrea," he said, laughing quietly. "But I am not comfortable with the idea of sending you back to your own cabin. You look uneasy." 

I nodded and stepped into the room. Papa closed the door behind me. I very much wanted to join Papa in his bed but my anxiety was telling me that I wasn't ready, even if my body was telling me something entirely different. 

Papa moved past me and opened the door to a large bedroom off to the right of me. "I will be in here should you require anything from me," Papa said sleepily. He walked into the room. "You will find the other bedroom through that door." He pointed to a door directly across from where I was standing. He slipped off his dressing gown and tossed it onto the smaller, second bed in the room. 

I stood there, biting my lip. Papa only wore a pair of dark purple satin boxers underneath the dressing gown. He looked so beautiful. I fought the urge to crawl into bed with him so that I could touch every inch of his body with my hands.

"The door is not locked, Andrea," Papa said from his position in the large bed. There was a hint of flirting in his voice. He knew I had been staring at him. 

"I don't want to use the other room," I muttered nervously. I clasped my hands together a few times and stared at the bright red carpet under my feet. 

I heard Papa chuckle and looked up to see him shift himself over to the other side of the bed, close to the dark paneled wall. He smiled cheekily at me and motioned to the spot beside him. "You want to join me, Copia?" 

"Yes," I whispered. But I still couldn't move. My nerves were getting the best of me. I swayed when my lightheadedness got momentarily worse. 

"Come here, Andrea," Papa purred. "I want you here with me. Neither of us are well. Do not worry about anything else other than getting some rest." I relaxed slightly at his words. 

"Okay, Papa," I replied and finally moved over to the bed. 

"Are you going to keep your clothes on?" Papa looked amused again. He continued when he noticed me blushing. "You will be more comfortable without them, but I won't make you take them off if you don't want to." 

I removed my waistcoat and shoes but kept everything else on. I didn't feel like getting practically naked in front of Papa just yet. I climbed into the bed but kept myself on top of the cream-colored duvet. I turned onto my side, facing away from him. This was the only way I could resist kissing and touching him. 

I felt Papa wrap an arm around my waist. It was warm and comforting, the weight of his arm felt nice. I took in a breath. "If you're not okay with this, Andrea, please tell me now and I won't touch you." 

"It's okay, Alessandro," I replied. "I just wasn't expecting it." Papa hummed sleepily and I felt him press a kiss to my neck. I sighed.

"Sleep now, Copia," Papa muttered. "We should feel better after." 

"Yes, Papa," I whispered, relaxing into the soft mattress and letting sleep claim me.

~*~

When I woke again, Papa was still fast asleep beside me. He looked peaceful. I didn’t want to wake him so I carefully slipped out of the bed and back into the sitting room. The sun was much higher in the sky now and I reached for my pocket watch, only to find that I had left it in my waistcoat back in the bedroom. Sighing, I opened the door quietly and picked it up off the spare bed. 

The bed was a mess. It hadn’t been slept in but it looked like Papa had just upturned the contents of his suitcase onto the mattress. I didn’t like messes but I thought it wrong of me to just go through his stuff. At the same time though, my mind was curious. Before I could stop myself, I was picking up his clothes, starting with his discarded dressing gown and folding it. I placed it on an empty spot on the bed and continued folding through his clothes. 

He didn’t have much variety in his wardrobe. Lots of black and purple pants and vests, and almost all white shirts. I came across a couple of pairs of beautiful silk Papal robes, the same color as the rest of his clothes, adorned in the gold upside-down crosses. I smiled as I folded them and set them aside, I thought of how sexy he must look wearing them. 

As I continued through the pile, I uncovered an old book. It was bound in black leather, nothing was written on the cover. The pages were yellowed and handwritten. I wondered if I had accidentally stumbled across Papa’s personal prayer book. I knew I shouldn’t have been snooping but something compelled me to open it and start thumbing through the old pages. I pushed the piles of clothing aside and sat down on the bed, book in hand.

On the inside pages were ancient scriptures in an assortment of languages. I recognized Latin and Italian, there was also English and what I suspected was French but other than that I couldn't read a couple of the others. I assumed that Papa knew what they said. 

I began to read through some of them. What I found amazed me. In one of the few scriptures I did read, I learned that Satanists are not the horrible people that the leaders of my old faith had led me to believe. The basis of my new faith was to live my life the way I saw fit, without the worry of being punished for it upon my death. Satan would reward his loyal followers upon their arrival in Hell. 

There were rituals listed as well. I discovered that the upside-down cross Papa often wore was called a grucifix. I was also surprised and quite happy to learn that the church would perform marriage rituals for same sex couples, even if they couldn't be legally married by law. I had given up on the prospect of marriage because I assumed I could never marry another man. Well it may not be a legal marriage, it was still a marriage in the eyes of my Master and that was all that mattered to me. 

"Reading my ritual scriptures, are you Andrea?" 

I jumped at the sound of Papa's soft voice. Embarrassed that I had been caught snooping, I blushed fiercely and tried to hide the book in a pile of clothes. "I'm sorry, Papa," I said quickly. "I had gotten up earlier and wanted to check the time but found I had left my pocket watch in my coat pocket. I couldn't stand to see your mess, so I started folding your clothes…" I trailed off, ranting was doing me no good. My heart pounded in my chest. I couldn't look in his direction and I covered my face with my hands. 

"Andrea," Papa said and I didn't pick up on the gentleness in his tone. I was too embarrassed to notice.

"Don't-" I begged, my face burning scarlet in my hands. "Don't you dare say it." I was sure he was angry with me and I didn't want to hear it.

"Say what?" Papa asked quietly. "You think I'm angry with you?"

I parted my fingers and peeked through them at him. When I saw his relaxed posture and smile, I knew that he wasn't mad. Although he probably should have been. It was wrong of me to do what I did. I dropped my hands and sighed. "I'm sorry, Alessandro," I said again. "I should not have gone through your belongings." 

"I am not angry with you, Andrea." Papa pushed himself up and got out of the bed, moving over to sit beside me. He pulled the ritual book out from under his clothes. His fingers brushed over the soft leather and he smiled thoughtfully. "This is an Emeritus family heirloom," he said quietly, looking at the cover thoughtfully. "My father used the scriptures in here as the foundation for our church. He wrote most of it before he formed the clergy. It was passed down the family line as each of us became Papa. First my two brothers and then me, each of us added our own rituals and any scriptures we believe may be useful to future Papas. I assume that it will be passed on to my nephew next." He sighed and reached over to put the book down on a wooden dressing table that was up against the wall between the two beds. "But enough of that for now." He turned to me. "I desire to taste your lips, Andrea," Papa whispered, leaning close to me. 

I closed my eyes and took in a breath as Papa covered my lips with his own, kissing me softly. I whimpered slightly when he pulled away, already missing his kisses. I met his gaze and held it as I tentatively leaned in, initiating a kiss of my own. Papa looked a little surprised but recovered quickly as he kissed me back deeply. He sucked my tongue into his mouth and nipped at it gently. The sharp pinch was unexpected but I liked it. I hummed contently into Papa's mouth and he moaned back quietly. 

Papa pulled back slightly and smiled at me before he brought his hand up to my cheek. He rubbed my skin gently with his thumb. I leaned into his touch. "How are you feeling, Papa?" I asked. 

"Better," he muttered as he started placing soft open mouthed kisses along my jaw. I moaned, liking the feel of Papa's warm lips on my face, goosebumps creeping up my spine. "Come to bed with me, Andrea," Papa whispered suddenly, his lips moved lower down my neck. "Let me bring you to orgasm for the first time." He trailed a hand down my side lightly. I shivered and then froze as that hand settled on my upper thigh. Both my anxiety and arousal becoming intense. 

I bit my lip hard to stop myself from moaning. My heart was beating wildly and the rush of blood straight to my groin had me feeling dizzy. I felt my cock twitch and begin to swell in my pants. Papa stopped his kisses and sat back, looking at me when he felt me still under his touch. "Are you not comfortable with that idea, sweet Copia?" Papa asked quietly. 

I couldn't think, my body was a hot mess and my brain a pile of mush. Everything I felt physically was screaming at me to say yes, yet my anxiety had me wanting to say no. I couldn't come to a decision between the two. It frustrated me and I felt the tears start to sting at my eyes. I would have blushed if my blood wasn't making my cock throb instead.

Papa started kissing down my neck again, soft quick kisses that had me trembling with need. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall as my nerves began to burn under his lips. His hand on my thigh moved, his fingers lightly tapping up and down the top of my leg. He teased close, but never actually touched the front of my pants. I knew he wouldn't do anything more without my permission. 

"I know you want this, Andrea," Papa purred into my ear. I couldn't stop the whimper from escaping my lips when he nibbled lightly on my earlobe. "I want it too. Let me make you feel good." He sucked on my throat, licking the spot afterwards. I groaned quietly. "Your body wants me, but your mind is causing you doubt." Papa continued his worshipping of my neck and I began to tremble uncontrollably at the feel of his tongue on my sensitive flesh. "Why is this, dear Andrea?" 

"I don't know," I began sobbing suddenly, the sensations overwhelming me. What my Pope was doing to me felt too good. The burning desire in me wanted to explode, it was actually painful and my chest began to ache with something I had never felt before. "Please stop, Alessandro," I begged through my tears. "This is too much, I am overwhelmed…" I cried. 

Papa pulled away and removed both his lips and his hands from my body. "I am sorry, Andrea," he whispered. 

"I am too," I whispered back. 

Papa shook his head. "There is no reason to be sorry. It is okay." 

"I do want this," I muttered and my heart skipped a beat, causing my stomach to drop. "I do not know why I am so scared." 

My Pope looked at me for a moment. He appeared to be in thought. "Perhaps you fear the unknown," he said gently. "This is completely new to you, yes?" 

I bit my lip and nodded slightly. "I am unfamiliar with what my body is feeling from all of this," I replied. I felt slightly ashamed and looked away, bringing my hands up to cover my face again. "What you were doing to me felt good, Alessandro. Almost too good." I glanced at him and he was smiling slightly. "The pleasure hurt, it felt so good." 

"Ah, too many years of abstinence," Papa said thoughtfully. He shook his head. "This is what the Catholic church has done to you, sweet Copia. Your body has built up a frustration it cannot release. But I can show you how to rid yourself of these frustrations. All in the name of Satan of course." He smiled again. "You have never touched yourself, have you?" 

"Once," I admitted quietly. "It was recent. Really recent." I felt my cheeks burn and I covered my face once more in shame. 

"Andrea," Papa whispered soothingly. "There is no need to be embarrassed about these things. Your Papa does not judge you." 

"I am always embarrassed, Papa," I muttered through my hands. 

He nodded understandably before continuing. "When you touched yourself, how did it make you feel, did you feel embarrassed then?" 

"I did at first," I replied. "But no, it didn't really. I just wanted the feelings to go away." I didn't know if he knew that I was referring to the lust I felt towards him. 

"You felt it in the beginning though, the shame from being lustful?"

"Yes." I shifted, my anxiety causing me to feel uncomfortable. 

"That time is over, dear Andrea," Papa said. "Do not let this fear of being judged for wanting to feel good stop you from being happy." 

"Will it make me happy though, Alessandro?" I asked. I was hopeful but I couldn't help but wonder if I'd never get that tension to release. I had tried and failed. 

Papa grinned. "It will make you very happy," he said, reassuringly. "I will make you very happy." He looked at me for a moment. "May I kiss you again? I promise not to push for anything more, unless that is what you want." 

I nodded, biting my lip. I shoved my anxiety aside, deciding that I needed to try. "It's what I want," I said, smiling shyly. "Make my frustrations go away," I was begging. "Please take me to your bed, Papa." I knew I sounded desperate, I didn't care. Right now all that mattered was that my beautiful Pope was leaning over me and kissing me passionately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all know what's coming next. Unfortunately I may have to slow my updates down due to real life getting in the way of my writing. I start back at work on Monday after being off for nearly a month and will require some time to get readjusted. But I will do what I can to bring you regular updates as fast as possible.


	9. Sweet Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia finally gets his release.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pure smut. With feelings of course. Enjoy!

April 11th, 1912

Papa wrapped his arms around me, breaking our heated kiss as he lifted me from the bed. I laid my head on his shoulder as he carried me the short distance across the room and gently set me down on the larger bed. "I think we need to get some of these clothes off of you Andrea," Papa whispered, pushing me back lightly and crawling over me. "You're a little overdressed for this, don't you think?" 

"Maybe a little," I blushed at the thought but made no move to stop Papa's hands from unbuttoning my shirt. I tried to keep my breathing steady as I watched him slowly slip each button out of its hole. His touch was deliberately gentle and I sensed that perhaps he was doing this slowly on purpose. "Can't you do that a little bit faster?" I sighed, unsure of where my sudden agitation had come from. 

Papa laughed, dipping his head and kissing my neck. "My dear Copia," he muttered against my skin. His hot breath brought tingles up my spine. "I am trying not to overwhelm you again."

"You won't," I said quickly, but honestly I wasn't so sure. Somewhere my brain was telling me that I could very easily turn back into an overstimulated mess again. But I was already so turned on I just wanted to get off as quickly as possible. 

Papa dragged his lips up to mine and kissed me tenderly. "I promise that I will bring you to orgasm. But please let me do my thing. I am a very skilled lover. You won't regret this, Andrea, I promise you." He kissed me again, pushing at my lips with his tongue as his hands slipped my shirt down my shoulders. I opened my mouth for him and let his tongue slide against mine as I pulled my arms out of the open dress shirt. "The release is much sweeter the longer I tease you." Papa sucked over my pulse point and moaned. The vibrations brought on my own moan and I instinctively lifted my hips, seeking contact. 

Papa pulled back and looked at me. His pupils has widened slightly, they were bright with a burning desire shining in them. "Do you want a taste of what full contact feels like, Andrea?" He grinned devilishly at me. 

I bit my lip and nodded. "Please, Papa," I whispered. I thrust my hips again. Papa kept his eyes locked onto mine as he rolled his hips down into mine. 

I moaned obscenely, the sound making me blush scarlet. My heart skipped a beat as I felt his hardness pressed against mine. The friction from the movement felt wonderful, my cock twitched and I moaned again. A warming sensation filled my senses. My eyes slipped closed. "Alessandro…" I whimpered when he stilled his movements. 

"Feels good, doesn't it?" Papa whispered, voice thick as he resumed kissing my neck. I hummed as he nuzzled against me with his perfect nose. I turned my head, giving him more skin to lick and suck. He thrust his hips down into mine once more. 

"Papa...oh yes," I groaned, trying to grind myself against him. "This feels wonderful." I reached for him and he leaned down, wrapping his arms around me and lifting my upper body from the bed. I bent my head and kissed his shoulder. My hands went to his back and I lightly traced my fingers along his soft skin. Papa shivered slightly from my touches before reaching down and pulling my discarded shirt out from underneath me. He tossed it to the floor and lowered me back to the bed. 

"Are your nipples sensitive, sweet Copia?" Papa asked quietly, smiling. I didn't get the chance to answer. Papa brushed his fingers across my left nipple, it was pleasing enough and I liked the feeling. My nipple hardened quickly under his touch. He pinched it slightly and then took it into his mouth. I moaned when I fell his hot tongue flick against the sensitive nub. Papa sucked on me gently and I let my hand slide into his silky black hair, I petted over his head tenderly. He sighed quietly. 

I felt Papa's hands on my hips. He gave them a small squeeze before lifting his head and meeting my gaze. Suddenly my heart leaped and I was embarrassed again. I looked away, biting my lip. I felt unsure. My cock was throbbing in my pants, the burning desire strong, and I very much wanted Papa to touch me but a part of me was scared. What exactly I was afraid of, I didn't know. My lust fogged mind came back with nothing. 

I tried to hide my feelings behind what I thought was a reassuring smile, but my Pope saw right through me. He removed his hands from me and sat back on his knees, he looked at me. "What has you worried, dear Copia?" Papa asked gently. 

I whimpered quietly, upset with myself. I wanted to cry and my eyes went blurry with unshed tears. I didn't say anything, afraid that I would start sobbing. 

"Your anxiety is wanting this to stop," Papa said. "Am I correct?" I nodded and I couldn't keep it in anymore. I cried. My body was still very much alight in arousal, I felt sensitive everywhere and I longed to be touched. But my mind was making me scared.

"Do you want me to stop, Andrea?" Papa asked. "Not your anxiety; you." He looked at me again and I noticed a tenderness in his gaze. "Look beyond these feelings of doubt and fear, Andrea. Let your body feel what it wants to feel. Not what your mind is telling you to feel. Let go of these doubts. You won't be able to get that tension to release otherwise." 

"I can't, Papa," I cried and it hurt again. I wanted to scream in frustration. 

"You can," Papa insisted softly. "Have faith, sweet Copia. Have faith in our Dark Lord and Master, have faith in me and most of all, have faith in yourself." He leaned back down and kissed me gently. I whimpered against his lips, mine trembling. "I will help you with this. Do you want me to continue?" I chewed on my lip, trying desperately to push those feelings of shame away. Papa was right, there was no reason for me to keep having these doubts. He continued, "this is your first time, Andrea, you will feel nervous. That is unavoidable, but I can help you ease those nerves. All of this, it felt good, yes?"

I nodded again. "Very good, Papa," I whispered. 

"Then let me make you feel even better," he replied. "Do you trust me?"

I did, and maybe I was crazy for trusting him so much; it had only just been a day since I met Papa, but I would trust him with my life. "Yes, Alessandro," I whispered. "I trust you more than you know."

"Good," Papa said, "now trust me with this." He kissed me again, short and sweet. "May I continue, Andrea?"

"Yes," I breathed. Even though my stomach was twisting and my heart skipping beats, I managed to put all of my trust into my Pope at that moment and pushed my anxiety away. 

I felt Papa's hands at my hips again and I took in a deep breath, looking down at him. His gaze met mine. "You say stop and I stop, Andrea," Papa said seriously. "If you're really not ready to do this, I won't make you." 

"I am ready," I whispered. This time I was sure. I wanted this. I wanted him. 

Papa smiled and moved his hands to my belt. He undid it and went for the button on the front of my dress pants. He looked at me again, seeking final permission to remove the last of my clothing. I bit my lip but nodded. "Yes, Alessandro," I muttered, voice shaking slightly. I was trembling and I wasn't sure if it was from nerves or arousal, likely both. 

I closed my eyes, unable to look at Papa as he unzipped my pants and began to tug them and my boxers down my legs. I moaned at the release of pressure when my cock was freed from the confines of my dress pants. 

I felt Papa slide off the bed and drop my pants to the floor. I opened my eyes slightly to see Papa removing his own boxers. I blushed and looked away when his gaze fell upon my naked body. "You are beautiful, Andrea," Papa whispered, reassuringly as he crawled back into bed with me. I blushed deeper. I was trying really hard to believe him. "I wish to spend hours worshipping every inch of you, but that will need to be saved for another time. Today I rid you of many years of built-up sexual frustrations." His hand went to my chin and he tilted my head upward. I smiled shyly at him. "Believe me, dear Copia," he whispered, bringing his lips inches away from mine. "Our Dark Lord has given you the most wonderful body." 

"Thank you, Papa," I muttered, leaning in and closing the short distance between our lips. I kissed him deeply. I was slightly timid at first, still unsure about what I was doing, but soon I was sucking and nipping at Papa's tongue. 

"Mmm you learn fast, Andrea," Papa purred as he pulled away, tugging on my bottom lip. I gave him a small smile.

I whimpered when I felt Papa's hand on my chest. He traced lightly down my body, tapping and caressing my skin with his fingertips, leaving a trail of fiery nerve endings in his wake. His movements stilled at the top of my right thigh. "I thought about pleasuring you with my tongue, but perhaps that will be too much for your first time," Papa said, as he began to lazily trace circles around my inner thigh. I shivered in pleasure, I was quite sensitive there. Papa dropped his head to kiss along my collarbone. "I will just use my hands instead. Are you okay with that idea, sweet Copia?"

I was shaking with need and although I liked the idea of him sucking me off, I wanted to learn how to do this to myself. I wanted to know now what it would feel like to have his hands on me. "Yes, Papa," I sighed desperately. I knew he could feel me trembling under his touch. 

Papa lifted his hand from my thigh, catching my gaze briefly before kissing me hard and deep. I gasped, pulling away and breaking our kiss, when I felt his warm hand wrap around the base of my erection. His touch was firm but gentle. My eyes fell closed with a deep sigh.

Papa began a slow stroke up and down my cock, the feeling similar to what I had experienced from my own hand. I enjoyed it but quickly found myself wanting more. My hips lifted from the bed as I thrust into his hand, trying to get more friction. "Patience, my darling," Papa smiled, using his other hand to still my movements. "This will all be over too soon if you don't keep still." I whimpered desperately, the heat in my loins was intense, burning in the most pleasant way. My vision went blurry as I tried not to cry. 

"Please Alessandro," I begged. "I need this." 

I had a feeling Papa took pity on me when he saw the tears in my eyes. "Touch me, Andrea," he whispered, pushing his erection against my leg. "It will help your mind focus." 

"But I don't know what I'm doing," I cried, afraid that Papa wouldn't like my touches. "If I couldn't make myself cum, I definitely can't do it to you." 

Papa stilled his hand on me for a moment. He let go of my cock and reached for my hand. He took it and guided me to his cock, gently thrusting his hips into our joined hands. "It's okay if you don't bring me to orgasm, Copia," he whispered, encouraging me to take his erection into my palm. "I promise it will still feel good for me. The thought of you touching me alone is enough." 

I swallowed and nodded, my heart skipped a beat and my stomach dropped but I gently closed my fist around his cock. I looked up into his mismatched eyes. There was desire and lust in them but there was also adoration and something else. I felt an intense warming sensation in my chest and the words slipped from my lips before I could stop them. "I love you, Papa," I whispered. 

Papa smiled sweetly at me like he had expected to hear my confession all along. "I know you do, Andrea," he whispered. 

I bit my lip and looked away, unsure of why I'd even said that. Was it the look in his eyes that had caused me to say it? It must have been. I didn't know if what I was feeling towards Papa was actual love or something else. But my brain had said it and I wanted to believe it. Still, I blushed and apologized. "I'm sorry, Alessandro," I muttered, embarrassed because I couldn't sort out my thoughts. 

Papa shook his head and kissed me lovingly. "Don't apologize for that," he whispered. "Trust in your feelings, my darling." His hand went back to my erection and closed over it once more. This time his pace was a bit quicker and his touch firmer. I slid my own hand over his cock, drawing a quiet moan from him. I smiled slightly at the sounds Papa was making. It made me happy to know that I could bring him some pleasure. 

Papa gave my cock a small squeeze before letting go and using his fingers to lightly trace over the head. I moaned, the tip of my cock was extremely sensitive. "Papa…" I whimpered when he thumbed over the underside, my cock pulsed in his hand. The sensation making me weak with desire. "Don't stop…" I begged and Papa laughed deeply, he knew what he was doing to me. I did the same to him and he groaned, eyes closing for just a moment. 

"Keep that up, sweet Copia, and I may cum before you do," Papa breathed, looking at me with lust droopy eyes and thrusting into my hand. I squeezed him gently. "You can use a firmer touch," Papa whispered. "I like it a little rough." I nodded and squeezed him a little harder. "Keep your grip tight and stroke me," he instructed and did as he asked. I kept my fist tight around his cock, sliding up and down it slowly. He moaned. "Mmm yes, just like that Andrea...fuck...very good." 

Papa used my prerelease to slick up my cock. I felt him grip me firmly and start a fast pumping. I groaned as every nerve in my body lit up again in a strong fire. The intensity of it bringing tears to my eyes. I felt the burning again. The same burning sensation I felt the day before when I had tried to make myself cum. "Alessandro," I cried. "Alessandro, please…" I began sobbing, desperate for release. My body was shaking violently and I let go of Papa's cock, reaching out to him. 

He leaned over and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him down on top of me. I kissed him hard as he began to twist his wrist over the head of my cock. Our kiss broke as I cried out, thrusting my hips into his hand. 

"Cum for me, Andrea," Papa whispered, pressing his head into my shoulder. I clung to him tight and suddenly the most amazing thing happened. I screamed out Papa's name as my head spun. Waves of searing pleasure crashed over me, so intense that I fought to keep conscious. My body went rigid as I arched up, pressing against him. My cock twitched and pulsed, squirting out my release. My hand found Papa's hair and I pulled hard, making him groan. 

Once the waves stopped, I collapsed back onto the bed weakly. I was trembling and sobbing, still clinging tightly onto Papa. Papa raised his head from my shoulder and looked at me. His dark eyes were wet with unshed tears. "That was beautiful, Andrea," he whispered before kissing me passionately. "You are beautiful, my darling." I cried hard in Papa's arms. He tightened his grip on me and held me close to him. 

When my tears finally stopped I felt oddly relaxed. I'm not sure I'd ever felt so content in my life. This is exactly where I wanted to be. I knew now that I would never regret my decision to leave my old faith behind and embark on a new life with my Papa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might be a few days before the next chapter. My apologies.


	10. I Will Always Spoil You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa takes Copia to lunch in the A La Carte restaurant to discuss a few things with him.

April 11th, 1912

It was a long while before either of us moved. I was certain that I had almost dozed off in my post-orgasmic bliss when I felt Papa start pressing tender kisses to my shoulder. I opened my eyes and hummed quietly. "Andrea," he whispered soothingly. "We should get up." I groaned, not really wanting to leave his bed just yet. I was enjoying having him in my arms. "I am enjoying this too," Papa said after a few moments, as he nuzzled my neck. "But I am getting hungry, my darling." 

"Alessandro?" I asked. My brain was suddenly remembering my very emotional and very embarrassing love confession. 

"Hmm?" Papa replied, he was kissing my neck. 

"Do you love me, Alessandro?" I whispered, sounding a bit desperate. 

Papa stopped and raised his head. His eyes met mine and he smiled. "I feel deeply for you Andrea," Papa said. "I have not felt this deeply connected to another before. So I would say, yes. I do love you, sweet Copia." I grinned at him like a fool, my heart feeling warm and happy. 

I sought out his lips and kissed him deeply. Papa moaned into my mouth when I sucked on his tongue. I pulled away after a few moments and snuggled up against him. "I thought we were getting out of bed?" Papa asked, amused when I buried my face in his chest. 

"I want to stay here with you." I was quite comfortable and seriously didn't like the idea of not having his arms around me. 

Papa laughed and squeezed me tightly. "Does my darling Andrea want cuddles?" 

"Yes," I muttered, sounding distressed. 

Papa smiled and kissed the top of my head. "Then we will cuddle, but only for a little while. We need to clean up a bit and get dressed for lunch." I felt him shift to get more comfortable. 

"Okay, Papa," I whispered, giving in but for now I would feel content. 

~*~

After spending a half-hour in bed together, Papa and I got up to start our day. It was later than we had realized, mid-afternoon, and we had missed lunch in the dining saloon. We decided to take our time getting cleaned up and opted for showers. I was a bit surprised to learn that Papa's suite had showers. Unfortunately, they weren't large enough for two people, but both private bathrooms had one. Each bedroom had a separate bathroom. I used the spare one and Papa used the one attached to his bedroom. 

"Do you have anything fancier than that, Andrea?" Papa inquired after I had dressed. He was digging through his pile of clothes, pulling out pieces of what looked like one of his fancier suits. 

"Do I need anything better?" I asked. "We missed lunch. I will go to my cabin and change before dinner." 

"I am taking you to lunch now," Papa said as he dressed in the black suit. It was the same one he had worn the first time we met. The silk suit jacket with the purple grucifix, white shirt and black pants. "There is a restaurant here on board. I will not wait until dinner to eat." 

I frowned, unaware that such a place existed. Although this was the most luxurious ship in the world, I did not expect to find a high-end restaurant on it. "I did not know that there was such a place," I replied. 

"You wouldn't have," Papa said. He sat down in front of the dressing table and opened a drawer. "Access to the A La Carte restaurant is restricted. It required prior booking. I paid extra on my ticket for this." 

"I will go change if you need me to," I said, watching as Papa slid his rings onto his gloved fingers. 

"No," he said, a little shortly. "Check my clothes. I may have something that fits you." I didn't like the tone that he had used and I couldn't help but wonder if he was mad at me for something. I bit my lip and stood in place, feeling slightly anxious. "Stop standing there," Papa said. "If you don't want to wear something of mine, you may go and change. But I won't have you wearing that."

His words stung and I suddenly felt ashamed that I couldn't afford nicer clothing. "I'm sorry Alessandro," I muttered. "I'll just go." I wasn't entirely sure why Papa was saying these things but his sudden change in mood was bothering me. I was agitated.

"You don't need to apologize," Papa said. 

"Yes, I do," I snapped. "Stop telling me not be sorry. You know I can't." I think Papa's bad mood was rubbing off on me. I turned around and started to walk off in the other direction, towards the sitting room. 

Papa stopped me in the doorway. "Andrea," he said, his tone had changed. "You don't need to apologize...but maybe I do." 

I spun around to face him. "You think so?" I asked, still angry with him. "If I'm not rich enough for you Alessandro, tell me now and I'll leave." 

"That's not what I was trying to say." Papa sounded a bit upset with himself. "It’s just that you would fit in better." 

"I don't need to fit in, Papa, " I replied bitterly. In all honesty, I didn't like being stared at or talked about, but I had never felt the need to make myself live up to society's expectations of me. I went to turn around again. I really didn’t want to stay if he was going to treat me like this. 

Papa's hand went to my shoulder. "Perhaps, I said that wrong, dear Copia," Papa said trying again. "I will admit that I am prone to saying the wrong things if I do not think before speaking, and I have done just that." He paused and looked away for a moment. "You do not need to change if you don't want to." 

"I'm surprised that you even care what I'm wearing," I said. "It's not like you to give a fuck about what anyone thinks of you." 

"I was suggesting it for your sake," Papa replied. "I know you get anxious around others." He paused again. "The restaurant is for the established upper class, Andrea. I thought you'd be more comfortable in something nicer." 

I signed. "You really think I should change?" I asked him. Papa did know more about the upper class than I did. He nodded slightly. "Fine," I said but there was no force behind it. "Let me search through your wardrobe." 

"A vest and tie should do it," Papa added as I moved over to the piles of clothes on the bed. "Try on a pair of my pants. I do not have anything to go with your grey ones." 

After some searching, I decided on one of Papa's purple suits. The pants were a little tight but not enough for me to be uncomfortable. "Does this work for you Alessandro?" I asked, turning to him. He was seated on the larger bed, and his head was in his hands. I wondered if he was alright.

Papa lifted his gaze and smiled at me. "It does," he replied, nodding. "You look good in that my darling." I blushed and thanked him shyly. Papa stood and moved over to me. He took my hands in his gloved ones. "I am sorry for what I said, sweet Andrea. I am not feeling well and I was not thinking clearly." The look he gave me told me that he was truly sorry. I gave him a small smile. 

"We should go eat, Papa," I said. "It may help you feel better." 

"I agree" he replied. "This nausea is awful." He squeezed my hands. "But first, a little kiss, yes?"

I hummed in response, nodding my head. "I like that idea very much," I said, giving him a cheeky grin as he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine gently. 

When Papa pulled away he smiled, eyes alight in amusement before kissing me again. Quick little pecks on the lips, over and over. I laughed to cover up the heat that started to color my cheeks. I wanted to kiss him deeply but he kept pulling away. Papa laughed too. 

"I thought we were going to lunch?" I breathed, I was very quickly becoming aroused. 

"We will," Papa whispered, smiling devilishly at me. He was proud of himself. He knew what he was doing to me. "First, let me taste your lips some more, Andrea." 

I kissed him, not giving him the chance to tease me anymore. I traced his lips with my tongue and he opened his mouth for me. I immediately sucked his tongue into my mouth and nipped at it. Papa moaned and circled my tongue with his. He bit my bottom lip and pulled away. We were both slightly breathless. My lips felt tingly. "I like this new passion of yours, my darling," Papa whispered. He brushed a gloved finger across my lips. "Perhaps I should teach you other things." I blushed as I felt the pressure of my arousal against the front of the purple pants.

"I would like that," I muttered a little nervously, shifting to try and adjust the pants. 

Papa smirked at me as he watched me try to hide my erection. "Do you need a few minutes, Copia?" he asked seductively. He winked at me and I whimpered quietly, partly from frustration and partly because I was beginning to feel an intense heat between my legs. Papa's eyes had darkened but he dropped my hand and turned to sit at the dressing table, still smirking. "Take your time, I'll wait."

"Why do you tease me like this, Papa?" I whined. I craved his touch but I knew I wasn't going to get it. 

"I tease you because it is sweet fun," Papa replied. "You will thank me for this, Andrea." He laughed but then sighed. "If I wasn't feeling so unwell, I would gladly continue my teasing." 

"I am sorry you are still seasick, Alessandro," I said, wishing that I could do something to make him feel better. I still struggled with the pants.

"I am too." Papa got up and moved towards me. He reached for the front of my pants. My breath hitched as his hand brushed over my erection. His touch was brief as he adjusted my pants for me. "There," he said, standing back and giving me a once over. "Hiding an erection is no easy task, Andrea. But the more time you spend with me, the better you will get at it." He winked again and stepped around me, opening the bedroom door. "Let us go to lunch now. I wish to rid myself of this nausea." 

"Yes, Papa," I said as I followed him out the door.

~*~

The A La Carte restaurant was located just a few steps from Papa's stateroom, aft on B deck. It was a stark contrast to the first-class dining room. The walls were covered in light French walnut paneling, unlike the bright white panels in the dining room. Lots of bronze wall sconces adorned the walls. The room would be well lit at night. The tables were stained dark and the chairs were covered in yellow patterned fabric. Rust-colored carpet covered the floor. The fine china that sat in the tables was pristine white. 

The restaurant was small, giving off a cozy and romantic setting. I started to wonder if this was why Papa had chosen to bring me here. If he truly wasn't feeling well we could have just stayed in bed and have a steward bring us hot tea. 

Our waiter sat us down at a table set for two at the back of the room, at Papa's request. I didn't complain. There were a few other diners in the restaurant. It would be quiet in the back corner. After looking around I did understand why Papa had requested that I change out of my plain suit. The other passengers were dressed to the nines and it wasn't even dinner yet. 

"Order what you want, Andrea," Papa said when the waiter handed us menus. "Do not worry about the price." 

I didn't like the idea of him having to pay for both our dishes, even if he could easily afford it. Everything on the menu was horribly expensive. "I will pay for my own food, Alessandro," I replied, but trying to find something that wasn't going to cost half my savings. 

"I brought you here, let me treat you, yes?" Papa took my hand and squeezed it. I turned red, the waiter was still standing right there. 

I pulled my hand away in embarrassment. "Don't do that, Papa," I whispered, looking at the wall. 

Papa flashed a grin at the waiter. "A few moments to look at the menu if you don't mind, sir," he said. 

"Of course," the waiter bowed and left us. 

Papa turned back to me. His gaze softened. "I did not mean to embarrass you, Andrea," he said. "I'm sorry that my attempt at a little romance wasn't something that you wanted." 

"I want it, Alessandro," I muttered. I did like the idea of being romanced by my Papa but I just couldn't handle it outside of closed doors, yet. "Just not in public." I looked down at the menu, pretending to read it but just staring at it instead. 

"I won't do anything you're uncomfortable with," Papa assured. 

"Thank you, Papa," I replied. I lifted my gaze finally. He was looking at me sympathetically. 

"Will you at least allow me to treat you to this meal?" he asked with a smile. 

"Is this another of your lame attempts to woo me?" I asked with a laugh. 

"If I told you that it was, would you change your mind?" Papa grinned. 

"Maybe," I said shyly. I was trying to flirt back with him but I wasn't sure it was working. I started to feel embarrassed again.

Our waiter returned and asked us if we were ready to order. "Just bring me some fresh fruit," Papa said. "I do not have the stomach for anything else." 

"I am sorry our menu is not up to your standards, sir," the waiter replied, taking the menus back. 

"He is sick," I said before Papa could open his mouth. I could tell he didn't take the waiter's comment very well. "I will have the chicken saute with boiled rice." 

"Anything else with that, sir? Soup? Salad? Wine, perhaps?" 

"Not at the moment," I replied. "Water will be fine." 

"I will have wine," Papa said.

"No you won't, Alessandro," I said, rather firmly. "You are not drinking if you're still sick." 

Papa gave me a displeased look but eventually agreed. "You are right, Andrea," he said. He addressed our waiter. "Bring me water as well. But make it sparkling water." 

"Yes, sir." 

We sat in silence for a few moments. Papa sat back in his chair and watched me fiddle with my cutlery. "We need to talk, Andrea," he said. I looked up at him, suddenly afraid that I had done something wrong. Papa picked up on my panic immediately. "You can relax, I am not upset with you." He paused. "You need to send a telegram to the Vatican." 

"I know," I said quietly. I wasn't looking forward to that. Although I would never regret what I did, I still did not like the idea of having to inform my former leaders of my abandonment of the Catholic church. 

"If you want help, I can assist you in writing it," Papa said gently. "You do not have to mention why." 

I nodded, feeling at least some relief. “I will send one soon.”

"Good,” Papa said. “There is another matter, one that is related to this." 

I wasn't really listening to him anymore. Another thought had come to my mind. I was on my way to New York, with nowhere to go once I got there. I was no longer able to go to my original destination and I had very little money. I had no idea what was going to happen once I got off this ship. The thought scared me. "Papa," I said, quietly and slightly anxious. "Once I get off this ship I have nowhere to go. Regardless of my first-class ticket, I do not have much money...I could live on my own for a little while, but I will need a source of income. I have never worked outside of the church before." 

Papa smiled slightly. "Are you asking me to give you a job, dear Copia?" 

My anxiety was getting to me quickly. My stomach fluttered. "I-I...well if you want me to work for you," I whispered. "But I do not I think I know enough about the church of Satan to be ordained." 

"You are correct," Papa replied slowly. "But you will be of value to my church, Andrea. Not many people of our faith have the knowledge of the Catholic church that you do." 

I was a little surprised at that. "Surely I'm not the first to come to you from Catholicism." 

"You are not," Papa said. He smirked and looked proud of himself. "But you are the first Cardinal that I have brought to my Master." 

I felt a twinge of anger, thinking that he had only approached me because of my status at the time. "Is that why you came to me on the boat deck yesterday?" I asked but Papa wasn’t able to answer right away as we were interrupted by the arrival of our food. 

Papa popped a few red grapes into his mouth before he continued. "It was one of the reasons," he admitted. "But I did not lie to you when I said that I found you highly enticing. I still do. Now though, I find myself attracted to more than just your physical features, my darling." 

I smiled slightly at him, happy that my thoughts were incorrect. "I think the same, Papa."

"Good, because that brings me to our next discussion." Papa looked at me carefully for a moment while I shoved a couple of bites of food into my mouth. The chicken was really good. A quiet whimper escaped my mouth, I was really hungry. Papa laughed. "Getting your pleasure from food now, Andrea?" 

I went red but laughed. "I'm sorry, Papa. I'm really hungry." 

"No worries," he replied, grinning. "I am too." He ate a few strawberries and an orange slice before he started talking again. "Please do not get the wrong idea about what I'm about to say, Copia," Papa said. "But you told me that you don't have much money." He took a breath and looked me directly in the eyes. "I want you to come with me to my new church in New York and then I wish for you to return to Sweden with me." 

I stared back at him. In hindsight, his words should not have shocked me. Just an hour before he had professed his love for me. 

"You do not need to answer me right now, Andrea. But I ask that you come to a decision before this voyage comes to an end. I will help and support you in any way I can. If you wish to be ordained, I will give you access to my personal rituals and scriptures, it will help to streamline the process." 

I nodded, my anxiety was telling me that I shouldn't be relying on Papa's generosity, but at the same time I was excited. "I will accompany you to the church in New York, Alessandro," I replied. "But I don't expect you to support me financially. I will find work while I train to be ordained." 

"Please let me spoil you, my darling. It is my wish to care for you," Papa replied and I swore I picked up on a slightly seductive tone in his voice. "The more time you spend studying, the faster I can ordain you." 

"I will think about finding work," I said. "But I will stay with you in New York. If things go well, I will even return to Sweden with you. But I’m independent, Alessandro. Please understand that. I expect no generosity from you." I smiled at him. 

"I will still spoil you, my sweet Copia," Papa said with a slight smirk. "I always will." He smiled back, taking my hand and squeezing it. I didn't pull my hand away.


	11. I Want You to Feel Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa and Copia spend some time chatting and making each other feel better.

April 11th, 1912

We ate the rest of our meal quietly. I just wanted to take the time to enjoy my food. It was truly excellent. I did share some of it with Papa but he said he still wasn't feeling well, so I only gave him a few bites. He did manage to eat most of his plate and I was glad. I didn't like the idea of him not eating, especially since we were sailing away from the mainland and would be stuck out at sea for several more days. If Papa got sicker, I would worry immensely until we reached New York. 

"You should go back to bed, Alessandro," I said as we walked out of the restaurant, he was pale and walking slowly. I was staying a couple of steps behind him, making sure he didn't fall. 

"No," he said and he sounded pained. "I don't want to spend my day in bed unless it is to be the sexy times with you, my darling." Papa turned around and smiled at me, although a bit weakly. 

I stopped outside his door, Papa kept walking. "Papa," I said, concerned. "Please, I worry."

He stopped and came back to the door. "I think perhaps some fresh air and the horizon will be of benefit, Andrea," Papa replied. "The boat deck is where I need to be. But maybe we can write that telegram. The wireless room is near the bridge, we can drop it off." He unlocked the door. 

"Ok Papa." Once we were inside Papa took a seat on the couch near the writing-table. I sat down at the table and picked up the fountain pen. 

My hand hesitated as it hovered over the stationary. I had no idea what I was going to say. I sat there, staring at the table. This should have been a simple task, yet I found myself starting to get anxious. I felt Papa's hand on my shoulder and I looked up. "Switch places with me, Copia," Papa said gently. 

I nodded and got up. Papa sat down in the chair and I stood beside him. "I'm sorry," I muttered. "I'm not sure what to write." 

"You're fine," Papa replied, picking up the pen. "I will keep it short." I watched as he wrote across the page. His handwriting was careful and elegant. 

"Your cursive is beautiful, Papa," I whispered.

"Only when someone else has to read it, my chicken scratch is awful otherwise." He laughed. "Are you okay with this, Andrea?" Papa asked after he had written a couple of lines on the page. 

He held the paper out to me and I took it from his gloved hand. I read it over; Papa had written it so that it contained no information about why I was leaving the church. It was a very simple resignation letter. 

"It is good, thank you, Papa," I said as I put the page back down on the desk. I leaned down and kissed him. Papa groaned quietly when I deepened it. I pulled away and smiled softly at him. "Are you sure you don't need to sleep some more?" He was still looking pretty sick. 

He shook his head. "I am not tired."

"Rest, then?" I questioned. I was still worried about him. "I really don't think you should be doing much today, Alessandro." 

"I can rest on the boat deck in a chair," Papa replied. "I know it will make me feel better." He stood, using the table to keep his balance. Papa looked at me. "Do you wish to join me, my darling?"

I nodded. "I won't leave your side until you are feeling better," I said.

"Then let us take a walk," Papa whispered, he picked up the letter and handed it to me. He went to the door and opened it. I stepped into the hallway and Papa locked the door. When he turned around, I could tell that he wanted to kiss me but I was too afraid to do that in the hallway. I was still getting used to the public handholding. I looked away nervously. Papa took my hands and squeezed them reassuringly before dropping them again. "Come, Andrea," he said, turning back around. "We can sit outside for a while." 

I followed Papa down to the end of the hallway at the grand staircase. I had never been to the top of the grand staircase yet. It truly was a thing of beauty. On the A deck landing was a magnificent clock. In the oak paneling, the figures of Honor and Glory Crowning Time were carved on each side of the clock. Above, a huge wrought iron glass dome covered the ceiling, letting in natural sunlight. 

We exited the staircase on the port side, heading first to the wireless room. It was rather cool out and I wished I had my coat, but at least it was sunny. After a few minutes of walking, I started to warm up. The wireless room was just outside the bridge. 

Papa knocked on the door and I pulled the note from the pocket of my waistcoat. A young man opened the door. "Hello, sirs. I am Harold Bride," he greeted us happily. "What can I do for you today?"

I handed him the letter. "I need you to send this to Italy for me, please," I said. "The Vatican." 

"Of course," Harold answered as Papa dug through his pockets for a tip. "I will send it as soon as possible." 

"Thank you," I said a bit shyly. 

Papa handed the wireless operator a few silver coins. "Make sure you do it now," he said. 

The man eyed the tip with wide eyes. "Yes, I will. Thank you, kind sir." 

"No problem," Papa said. "Just make sure you get Mr. Copia's message sent out now, yes?" 

"Yes, yes," Harold replied. "Is there anything else I can do for either of you?"

"Not today, thanks," I said. The wireless operator nodded and went back to his work. "Do you think I will get a response?" I asked Papa as we resumed our walk along the deck. 

He shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past them to send you some sort of response," Papa said. "It won't be a nice one if they do." He sighed quietly. "On the other hand you may not hear anything from them at all." 

"I would rather it be that," I replied, looking down at the light wood under my feet. 

"Me too," Papa said. "I do not like to see you upset or anxious, Copia." 

"I know," I whispered, already feeling anxious about the possibility of receiving a reply. 

We walked until we came to a set of stairs. "Take my hand, Andrea. I wish to sit on the starboard side and do not trust myself with these steps." They were steeper and further apart than the stairs inside the ship but we had no choice if we needed to get onto the other side of the ship.

I took Papa's outstretched hand and helped him up the steps. Surprisingly he held his balance pretty well and I could tell that being outside was already helping him. 

Papa led me over to a couple of deck chairs. I reclined into one while he pulled the second close to mine. He sighed as he relaxed against the back of the chair. Papa pulled his legs up and turned onto his side, facing me. I rolled my head to look at him. "Shouldn't you be sitting up and looking out at the horizon?" I didn't know much about seasickness but I had done some research on remedies before I left London, in case I would have need of them. I was thankful that my sickness had seemed to pass. I hoped that Papa’s would as well.

Papa smiled. "Yes, I suppose I should be," he replied. "I much prefer looking at you though, my darling." I blushed and he reached for my hand. I moved it out of his reach in embarrassment.

"Alessandro, no," I muttered, nervously. "There are too many people about." The boat deck wasn't full but it wasn't quiet either. 

"Fine," Papa huffed, grinning, as he straightened out to face the water. I caught a hint of playfulness in his tone. "You are too shy, my dear Copia." 

"I'm sorry," I whispered. 

"I tease you, Andrea," Papa said in amusement. "I think you are cute all flustered." My heart rate increased suddenly and I felt a small flush of arousal. 

"Stop this Papa." I sounded a bit desperate. "I am too embarrassed." 

"You sure it's not something else making you blush?" Papa purred and I couldn't stop the lust from creeping up on me. 

"Alessandro…" I whined, trying to keep even a hint of firmness in my tone was proving to be impossible. The way Papa was talking to me made me want him. I felt a growing desire that wouldn’t stop. "You need to rest," I protested, my voice wavering slightly.

Papa smirked and leaned over to whisper into my ear. "I love watching you come undone for me," his voice was low and dark. "One day I will have you watch yourself while I sweetly tease you into this lovely state of arousal. I want you to see what I do to you." I bit my lip hard, but still moaned quietly. I shifted as I felt my cock start to swell. 

Papa took a quick glance around before sticking his tongue out and licking up my ear. I froze and whimpered. "Alessandro..." I groaned. I was blushing again. 

"I will stop, Andrea," Papa whispered and pulled away. 

I watched him sit back in his chair and close his eyes. "Bastard," I muttered, huffing. The heat between my legs slowly disappearing.

Papa laughed. "Do not worry, my darling. I will finish what I started after dinner." He opened his eyes and looked at me, I could tell he had enjoyed the teasing just as much as I did. His eyes were wide, dark and glassy. He smiled cheekily. "I gave you a taste of the most delightful sin and now you can't get enough. You truly are my beautiful sinner, Andrea, and I am so happy to have you." 

"I am so happy to have you too, Papa," I replied, smiling back at him. I wanted to kiss him but I couldn't fight the anxiety. I did decide to let him take my hand though. 

Papa turned his head to look back out at the horizon. "I will have you comfortable enough in due time my darling," he whispered, squeezing my hand. "You will no longer need to fight that urge to kiss me." I looked at him surprised. I had no idea how he knew what I was feeling. “I told you, I am a very skilled lover. I can tell when you want me.” He winked at me. I sighed and shifted again, trying to relieve the pressure in my pants.

We sat in silence for a while. Papa had closed his eyes again and I watched him take steady shallow breaths. I wondered if he had fallen asleep. It was starting to get colder and I shivered. "It is cold," Papa muttered suddenly without opening his eyes. He must have felt my hand tremble.

"Do you want to go back inside, Alessandro?" I asked quietly. 

"No," he replied. "I am doing better up here. I do not wish to return inside just yet." 

There were blankets back in his sitting room and the walk was not that far. I let go of his hand and started to push myself up. "I'll go get us some blankets," I said.

Papa stuck his arm out and pushed me back down. "Stay here with me, my darling," he whispered. "We can send a steward." 

“Okay, Alessandro.” I nodded and once I was relaxed back into the chair, Papa threaded our fingers together. 

Once Papa saw a steward approaching, he called him over and sent him off to collect a couple of blankets. When he returned, I covered both Papa and I with the cozy, warm blankets. Papa sighed contently and turned towards me again. I felt him rub his thumb soothingly across the back of my hand. "If these chairs were any bigger, I'd insist that you come lay with me." 

"You know I wouldn't," I replied, my stomach dropping at just the thought. 

"I know," Papa said. "I would still try though." He paused for a few seconds, thinking. "Consider this, Andrea; our chairs are already too close for this to be considered platonic. You do not see anyone looking at us, and no one has, even when I took your hand before." 

I thought for a moment. "That is odd," I replied and I honestly believed it. The upper class from what I knew were very judgemental. "This does not seem right." 

"Most of high society knows my name, and therefore my reputation. They do not dare to judge me, and if they do, they do it silently. The ones that do not yet know me, are new money and come from more humble backgrounds than the rest of us. They are not the kind to judge in the first place." 

"That does not mean they will not judge me," I whispered, anxiety starting to run high again.

"They do not know you," he replied. "It is because you come from the Catholic church, not because you don't come from money," he added gently.

"I am still embarrassed," I said, his words only slightly comforting me. 

"I know, Andrea," Papa said. "Anxiety is not something that you can easily rid yourself of. Especially when it has been brought on by years of mistreatment." 

"I wasn't mistreated," I said, not understanding what he was getting at.

"You were," Papa explained and his eyes met mine. His mismatched gaze was intense. "But not in the way that you're thinking. You were forced to repress your very being, sweet Copia. You could not be the person you longed to be because of fear of prejudice." 

I was silent for a moment, letting his words soak in. I felt saddened and my heart hurt. He was correct. "I want to go inside Papa," I whispered. I needed comfort. Comfort in the form of my Pope's lips and arms. 

"You want to kiss me, my darling?" Papa whispered, looking at me sympathetically and squeezing my hand under the blanket. 

"Yes," I muttered, trying not to cry. Papa's words, while true, hit me hard and I was struggling with the fact that I had wasted more than half my life in a place where I was forced to be someone I wasn't. "I also want you to hold me." My eyes filled with tears.

Papa smiled softly and tossed back his blanket. "I will return to my bed for you," Papa said. "Please do not cry, my darling. Your Papa will comfort you." I removed my own blanket and sat up. I let him pull me to my feet and lead me back inside. 

The second the door to his sitting-room closed, Papa took me into his arms and kissed me passionately. I opened my mouth and shoved my tongue into his mouth. Our tongues slid against each other. Papa groaned and rubbed his hands up and down my back. My hands were wrapped around his neck and I let one slide into his hair, tugging gently on the soft locks. I whimpered, lips trembling as I tried to hold back my tears.

When we parted, we both sighed. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his scent. "You want to cuddle in bed, yes?" Papa asked quietly, his lips were on my neck near my ear. 

"Yes, Alessandro, please," I whispered, crying now. 

I lifted my head and Papa stepped back slightly. He brought up a hand and wiped my tears away. "You are too stressed, my darling," Papa said, looking at me sadly. "After dinner, I will help you ease some more of that stress, yes?" I nodded, beginning to sob. "For now we cuddle." 

Papa guided me to the bed and we laid down. He was on his back and I put my head on his shoulder, draping my arm across his waist. He held my hand and rubbed my back soothingly with his other hand. I sighed as I relaxed into his embrace. Soon my tears ceased and I felt okay again but we stayed in each other's arms until the dinner bell rang.


	12. More Lessons in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa convinces Copia to skip dinner in favor of more lessons in pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. That's all this is.

April 11th, 1912

“We will miss dinner,” I whispered quietly to Papa as he kissed along my neck. I had attempted to get out of bed but Papa had wrapped his arms tightly around me and began kissing me everywhere he could reach. I shivered at the sensations he was causing. 

“I will get us something later,” Papa muttered, smiling against my skin. I moaned as he sucked over my pulse point. “Don’t you want this, Andrea?” 

“I very much want you, Papa,” I breathed, threading my hand into his hair and pulling to force his lips onto mine. I kept my kiss light but once I dropped my hand, Papa pressed his lips hard against mine. He pushed my lips apart with his tongue, and I opened my mouth for him, sucking his tongue into my mouth. I pulled back sighing and slightly breathless. “I do not want to miss dinner. And I still have to go and change.” I protested but it was without force. To be honest, while I did want to go eat, I also wanted to stay right here. Papa’s hands were wandering my body, caressing me through my clothes and it felt wonderful. 

“If you want me to stop, I will,” Papa said, though he continued his actions. “But I think you are just worried. We will eat, but after. I promise you.” He looked at me and when I didn’t reply, he kissed me deeply. His right hand traced up my thigh, still covered by my pants, to my hip where he squeezed gently. 

I broke the kiss. “I am worried,” I said. “I’m worried about you Alessandro. You haven’t eaten much today.”

“I will be fine, sweet Copia,” he replied, giving me a reassuring smile. “I will not drop dead from being sick for a day.” Papa trailed his hand up my side, bringing it up to my cheek. “I wish to pleasure you, my darling.” He rubbed my cheek a few times before moving his hand to pull the collar aside on my shirt. Papa dipped his head and began sucking on my collarbone. “Will you let me do that?” 

“Yes,” I sighed, petting over his back slowly. I was already too aroused to bother getting out of bed. Papa started undoing the buttons on my shirt, kissing down my chest as he went. Once my shirt was open he turned his attention to my nipples, pinching and teasing them. I moaned as he sucked one into his mouth, circling and flicking his tongue at it. “Papa...” I whimpered as I felt my stomach flip. My cock pulsed. 

Papa laughed quietly, lifting his head and looking at me with dark eyes. He kissed me deeply. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and he nipped at it. When I pulled back to catch my breath, I felt Papa's hand slide down my stomach to my pelvis, he kept his eyes on mine as he placed his hand over the bulge in my pants. 

I moaned, loud and long, as Papa palmed me through the silky purple material. I felt little shocks of pleasure shoot down my spine and straight to my cock. His fingers found the head and he thumbed gently over it. I groaned, lifting my hips off the bed. 

Papa smiled. "Not as shy tonight are you, my darling?" he said in amusement. I shivered as my heart rate increased, goosebumps creeping up my back. 

"I'm still shy," I admitted. It wasn't a lie, I would be blushing if I could. "I just know what feels good."

"Don't be afraid to try something, Andrea," Papa said, sitting back and looking at me. "Experimentation is a fun way to learn what makes you feel good. If you want to try something, all you have to do is ask." His hand went back to the front of my pants, but I felt him working them open instead of rubbing me. 

I knew what I wanted, I was just too afraid to ask. I looked away from his gaze, biting my lip as I tried not to look embarrassed. 

Papa removed his hands from me. "You're blushing again, my darling," he said. "What is it that you need to say?" I didn't reply. I just continued to chew on my lip. "Speak to me, Andrea. I cannot read your mind." 

I glanced back at Papa and took a shaky breath. My heart fluttered and began beating wildly. "I want-" I stopped. I couldn't say it. My face was burning, my cheeks surely a deep scarlet. I sighed, wanting to get the words out. 

I paused for a few moments, and Papa waited patiently while I took the time to attempt to calm myself. "I want…" I tried again, voice wavering. "Oh Lucifer," I prayed, as my head began to spin from the anxiety. “Fuck it.” I talked fast, barely a whisper, "I want you to suck me off Alessandro." I felt a sudden flash of heat in my groin. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands. I couldn't look at Papa. 

I felt him place a warm palm against my chest, right where my heart was pounding. "I would very much love to do that for you, Andrea. If that is what you want," Papa whispered and I could tell that he had leaned over me, I felt his breath on the back of my hands. He reached for my wrists and gently tugged at them. I held them in place, still refusing to look at him. "I wish to kiss you, my darling," Papa said soothingly, he started rubbing my arms tenderly. "May I do that?" 

I parted my fingers slightly, and I could see that his gaze was soft and loving. My chest filled with a warming sensation as I let my hands fall to my sides with a sigh. I lifted my gaze and smiled slightly at him. Papa smiled back and kissed me sweetly. 

There was something else I wanted to try but like before I was afraid to ask it, in case he didn’t like the idea. "I also want-" I looked away again but only for a moment. The tenderness in Papa's eyes was relaxing me a bit. "I also want to try to pleasure you." 

"With your hands?" Papa asked. 

I nodded. "I want you to teach me some more. I want to learn how to make you cum." I blushed slightly. 

“Of course, my sweet Copia.” Papa leaned down, kissing along my neck. "I will show you what I like.” He paused for a moment. “I do prefer things rough, though. Do you think you can handle that, Andrea?" He reached for the zipper on my pants and pulled it down. I groaned as he slid his hand into my underwear, wrapping his fingers around the base of my cock. 

I shivered. "I don't know, Alessandro," I muttered. I was a little apprehensive about the idea of being rough with him. I didn't know if I even wanted that.

"I will start you off slow," Papa replied, picking up on my nervousness. "You don't need to do anything to me that you're not comfortable with. Consent goes both ways, my darling." 

“Okay, Papa.” I nodded as he pulled my hard cock free of the pants. He grabbed my hips and moved away, dragging them down and off my legs. I sat up, shrugging out of my shirt and dropped it to the floor. 

Papa looked at me, eyes heavy-lidded. He licked his lips. "I want you to touch yourself for me Andrea," he whispered, giving me a hungry look. "I want to see what you've learned from this morning."

The idea of touching myself in front of him made me slightly anxious. "I don't know Alessandro," I replied. "I'm nervous." 

"Don't think about that," Papa said reassuringly as he began to undress himself. "Just do what feels good." 

"Alright," I muttered, deciding that I wanted to give in. Papa was slowly gaining the ability to rid me of my embarrassment and anxiety regarding this type of pleasure. 

I was breathing heavily and I felt my stomach drop. But I bit my lip and started to slide my hand down my naked body. My touch was light but it still sent shivers down my spine. I kept my eyes on Papa, distracting my thoughts by watching him undo his belt and pull the zipper down on his pants. He smiled at me as I wrapped my fingers around my cock. Papa and I both moaned simultaneously as I watched him take his own cock into his hand.

He stroked himself a few times before crawling back into the bed and laying down beside me. He turned to me and propped his elbow up, resting his head on his hand. 

I stroked myself slowly but used a firm grip. I gasped when I stopped to tease at my cock head, using my thumb to circle around it. I spread my precum over the palm of my hand and went back to stroking. 

Papa leaned over and kissed me deeply. He moaned quietly when I bit at his lips and I heard him start stroking himself again. I picked up the pace of my own stroking, adding in a few light squeezes. The desire within me started to grow and I shuddered in pleasure, feeling my nerve endings start to tingle. 

Our heated kiss broke when Papa reached over and pinched my left nipple sharply. I moaned, thrusting my hips up into my hand. He did it to the other one and I cried out softly, the sensation went straight to my groin and my cock pulsed in my hand. 

I felt Papa's hand close over my own and he pulled my hand off my cock. I whimpered but he stopped my protests by kissing me again. The kiss was short-lived though as he dragged his lips to my jaw, kissing down my neck. He sucked and licked at my heated skin. "You did good, my darling, but let me take over now, yes?" He closed his fist over my shaft. 

"Alessandro," I whined. Somehow the feeling of his touches felt better than my own. Papa smiled and kissed his way down my body. My hand found his hair and tugged at it. He stopped just above my belly button and sucked the skin there into his mouth. I moaned deeply when I felt it begin to bruise. 

He looked up at me. "Did you like that Andrea?" Papa purred, voice thick. "I can give you more if that's something that interests you." 

"Please, Papa," I whispered. I really enjoyed the feeling of his hot mouth on my body. He grinned smugly at me before dipping his head once more and licking over the bruise. 

Papa's hands were on my hips then and he gripped them tightly. I felt his hot breath tickle the insides of my thighs and I giggled quietly, shocks of pleasure causing my cock to twitch and leak. Papa sucked another bruise into my inner thigh, using his tongue to soothe the slight ache after. "Alessandro, please," I begged. My cock was throbbing. I needed to be touched. 

He ran his hands down my legs and kissed my thighs, my hips, my pubic bone, everywhere but where I needed him to kiss me. I whimpered from the burning sensations his lips were leaving on my skin. I bucked my hips, seeking any type of contact. 

Papa laughed at my attempts to get him to touch my cock. "So needy, so desperate," Papa muttered in between the little kisses. "My beautiful sinner." He stopped his movements and his hands went back to my hips. I looked down at him and our gazes met. His was intense as I watched him position himself so that he could take me into his mouth. 

Papa held my gaze as he stuck out his tongue and licked the underside of my shaft, base to tip. I sighed, eyes slipping closed as he did it again. Papa opened his mouth and sucked the head of my cock between his lips. The wet heat felt incredible. I'd never felt something so wonderful before in my life. Before I had thought that maybe Papa had been a bit full of himself when he bragged about being a skilled lover, now I fully believed that he was.

My brain couldn't completely comprehend what my Pope was doing to me, every nerve in my body was burning in an intense fire. "Papa…" I moaned as I felt his tongue circle around my shaft. "Fuck...yes." Tears blurred my vision. I cried, the heat was intense. 

Papa worked my cock with his mouth, up and down, sucking and licking. I tossed my head back and arched up off the bed when Papa flicked his tongue at the head, licking along my slit. 

"You like this, yes?" Papa breathed when he finally pulled away. He replaced his mouth with his fist and started a fast pumping motion, squeezing tight every few strokes. 

"Alessandro…" I whined, my overstimulated brain unable to piece together words. Papa smiled at me and dipped his head again, taking in half my cock. He wrapped his hand around the base of my shaft, stroking what he didn't have in his mouth. 

I was trembling with need, desperate for release. My head started to spin and I couldn't stop my hips from lifting from the bed. I was close, the heat building to where it was almost too much. "Alessandro," I cried, my tears falling down my face. "Papa...please. This feels amazing…"

Papa moaned as I accidentally forced him to take me deeper. His hand moved from the base of my cock and around behind my balls. His eyes sought out mine and we locked gazes. Papa took my cock all the way in, swallowing and moaning again as his fingers pressed on my taint, finding something that made my body explode in pleasure. 

My orgasm washed over me in waves of white-hot ecstasy. I cried out as my vision went dark and I was sure I was going to pass out. I didn't; riding out my orgasm as my cock pulsed and spilled into Papa's mouth. He swallowed my release with ease. Waiting until I came down to pull away and sit back on his knees. 

"I love watching you cum for me Andrea," Papa whispered, licking a stray bit of cum from his lips. He crawled over me and kissed me deeply. I tasted myself on his lips, it was salty and a bit tangy. I wasn't sure I liked the taste. I pulled away and gagged slightly. 

Papa laughed quietly. "Not a fan?" he asked in amusement. 

I shook my head. "No, I'm sorry Alessandro," I muttered, panting. 

"It's not a taste everyone enjoys, my darling," he said, laying down beside me. "It's okay if you don't." He lightly traced along my chest. I shuddered, my nerves still extremely sensitive. 

"Papa," I whispered, leaning over to kiss his shoulder. 

"Hmm?" He hummed, turning his head. He was enjoying the kisses. 

"I want to see you cum," I said quietly, blushing a little bit. I let my hand slide down his chest to his hips. 

Papa smiled, taking my hand and guiding it to his cock. "Do you want to do this yourself or do you want me to show you?" I traced around the head of his already heavily leaking cock with my fingertips. Papa groaned and closed his eyes. "If you want to try yourself, it won't take much. I'm already so close. You turn me on so much, Andrea." 

"I will try Papa," I muttered, taking my hand and wrapping it around him. "But I would not mind some help." I began stroking him, slowly at first but I soon increased my pace as Papa began to moan and whimper. I kept my grip tight like he had shown me this morning. 

"Yes..." Papa hissed, his head dropped forward onto my shoulder and his eyes fell closed. I stopped my stroking and opened my palm, rubbing the head of his cock to coat my hand in his prerelease. 

I felt Papa take my hand in his and together we worked him. My hand slid with ease over his erection. I thumbed over the underside, paying attention to the slit. "Sweet Lucifer, Andrea," Papa moaned. He guided me to start a faster and rough pumping, twisting my wrist every time it slid against the head of his cock. 

His hips lifted from the bed and he thrust hard into my hand, fucking it. I looked at him; Papa's face was flushed, his eyes closed and a look of determination in his features. He was beautiful and I leaned over, kissing him hard. At first he seemed surprised and his hips faltered for just a moment but he kissed me back. The taste of myself was still on his lips but it wasn't as strong as before and I found I could tolerate it. 

Papa broke the kiss suddenly, crying out my name. I smiled as I watched his face contort in pure pleasure, his release squirting into my hand. I squeezed him and he whimpered. "You're beautiful Papa," I whispered, leaning down and placing a kiss to his chest. His hand found my hair and he petted over it gently. 

We laid there for a few moments, reveling in our post-orgasmic haze. Papa stirred first, lifting his head. "We need to shower," he said. 

I whimpered slightly, not ready to move, but I was sticky with his cum. "Yes," I agreed, although reluctantly. "I wish the showers were large enough for us both." I sighed.

"A bath then?" Papa suggested.

"I would like that," I replied. 

"I will go start the water." Papa untangled himself from me and rolled out of the bed. 

Once I heard the water running, I got up and headed into his bathroom. The water was hot and Papa was already in the tub, reclined against the back. "Get in here and let me hold you, my darling," Papa purred. I smiled and climbed into the tub, relaxing back against my Pope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am determined to get all of Copia's 'firsts' out of the way before we get the drama of this story. So expect more smut before we get to the night of the tragedy.


	13. I Want to Try Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa asks Copia if he can try something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no intention of this happening right now but this just wrote itself. This is smut.

April 12th, 1912

After our bath the night before, Papa had found a steward and sent him to bring us some hot tea and food. It wasn't anything fancy, just sandwiches and fruit, but it was enough to satisfy us until breakfast. 

We fell asleep on the sitting room couch, snuggled together with a soft throw blanket covering us. 

It was early when I awoke. Papa had forgotten to close the curtains and the bright sunlight shining through them stirred me from my sleep. I shifted slightly, although awake I was content to stay where I was, wrapped in the arms of my Pope. 

I sighed, turning my head to face the back of the couch and pressing my ear to Papa's chest. I could hear his heart beating, my eyes fell closed as I relaxed against him.

I didn't sleep, but I did stay there and rest some more. When it was time for breakfast, I raised my hand and touched Papa's cheek. "Alessandro," I whispered, tilting my head so that I could look up at his face. "It's time to wake up." 

He leaned into my touch and hummed quietly. "Too early for that, Andrea," Papa muttered. He didn't open his eyes. 

I laughed quietly. "It's time for breakfast and we both need to eat," I said. "What did you think I was talking about?" I knew exactly what he was thinking, I just wanted to hear him say it. 

"Too early for the sexy times, my darling," he replied sleepily. I laughed again and turned around, putting my knee between Papa's legs and leaning over him. He opened his eyes and looked up at me. I watched his expression change from tired to lustful. "On the other hand," he purred, bring up a hand to pet over my chest. "With you looking like that, I can make an effort." He pinched a nipple. I blushed, biting back a moan. Papa grinned, raising his head, and kissing me lightly. 

Papa reached up and wrapped his arms around my waist as he deepened the kiss, his tongue seeking out mine. His hands slid down to my hips and he pushed them down. I groaned at the contact, breaking the kiss. Papa was already half hard and I felt a flush of heat wash over me as he lifted his hips up into mine. "Papa…" I moaned, grinding myself against him. My cock began to swell and I felt a small throbbing sensation start between my legs. 

We found a rhythm, rocking our hips together. I dropped my head and kissed down Papa's neck, licking and sucking lightly. "Fuck, Andrea..." Papa moaned, his hand slipped into my hair and he tugged slightly. "You're doing so well." 

"You taught me well, Papa," I whispered, smiling. I felt no shame in my actions. Papa really was helping me get over my years of embarrassment over these things.

"Hmm…" he smiled up at me. "I guess I did, didn't I?" He sighed and pulled my hair harder, forcing me up for a kiss. We kissed hard and sloppy. Papa moved his hand between our bodies and reached up to palm me through my boxers. 

My breath hitched as he found the head of my cock and thumbed over it a few times. "Alessandro…" I whined, pushing myself into his open palm. Papa worked his hand into my underwear and gripped my cock tight. He started stroking me quickly, pulling a moan from my lips. 

"Andrea," Papa whispered, looking at me. I stared back at him through heavy lidded eyes. His fingers circled around my leaking tip. I shivered as little shocks of pleasure shot up my spine. My eyes slipped closed as I bit my lip hard. "Open your eyes, Andrea," Papa softly commanded. I did as he asked and saw that he was looking at me with a glassy, lust filled gaze. "I want to try something." 

I felt my heart leap and my stomach drop. "What is it, Papa?" I asked, a little afraid of the answer. He didn't answer right away, he pulled my boxers down and I kicked them off. His hands went to my ass and he kneaded gently over my cheeks. 

"I want to make proper love to you, my darling," he whispered. I knew what he meant. The idea made me nervous. 

I pulled away, sitting back, my anxiety was high. I felt my heart start to race and my breathing increased significantly. "You want to take my virginity." It wasn't a question. 

"If you're not ready, I won't," Papa said and he sounded sincere. "I'll never do anything to you without your consent, Andrea." 

I bit my lip as I tried to think. My anxiety was likely just causing me to over react. I trusted Papa and I knew that he would be gentle with me. Even if he preferred things rough, he had never been rough with me. I assumed that this would be no different. It both scared and excited me. I was curious as to what it would feel like. But I couldn't stop the thoughts that it might hurt as well, and if it did I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to attempt this again. I took in a shaky breath and looked at my Pope. His gaze was soft and loving. I swallowed as I felt tears start to sting at my eyes. I made my decision. I nodded, I wanted this. "Okay, Papa," I muttered, closing my eyes in a silent prayer that I would enjoy it. "Yes." 

Papa pulled me down for a kiss. But it wasn't fueled by lust as I had expected. I felt his love for me as he pressed his lips against mine. My lips trembled and I felt a lump form in my throat. I pulled away, unable to stop the sobs as my heart began to ache in the most wonderful way. "I love you, Alessandro," I whispered through my tears. 

"I love you too, my darling," Papa replied. "Let us go to the bedroom. It will be more comfortable for you, yes?" I nodded, unable to form words. He wiped away my tears and kissed me softly again. "Do not cry. I cannot stand to see you in tears." 

"I cry because I love you," I said. "I can't stop it." Papa smiled and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. I sighed and pressed my head into his bare chest, breathing in his scent. 

He held me, pressing little kisses to the top of my head. After several minutes I finally stopped crying and my breathing leveled out. My heart was still racing but I didn't expect that to change anytime soon. 

"Are you okay, Andrea?" Papa asked quietly. 

"I think so," I muttered, shifting and placing my hands against the couch to push myself up. 

"Do you still want to try-" 

"Yes," I replied before he finished his question. I wanted to do this now in case I changed my mind.

I pulled the blanket off my back and climbed to my feet. Papa sat up and removed his boxers before taking my hand and leading me into the bedroom. He briefly wandered over to his dressing table and pulled a small bottle from the drawer before crawling onto the bed and laying down on his side. I joined him, laying down to face him. He took my face in his warm hands and leaned in to kiss me deeply. I placed my hands against his chest, feeling his heart beating wildly. I smiled against his lips. 

Papa pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. "I know you probably want to face me during this," he whispered, eyes locked on mine. He gave me a slightly sympathetic look. "But I want you to lay on your side, facing the other way. You will be able to control the depth of my thrusting this way. It will also help me to hold back if I need to. Is that okay?" I nodded, I didn't particularly like the fact that I couldn't look at him, but I trusted him to know what was best. 

I kissed him briefly before turning over. Papa wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back so our bodies were flush against each other. Papa started kissing my neck and reached around to wrap his hand around my cock. It was no longer hard, but he squeezed me gently and I gasped in pleasure. "Andrea," Papa said, his tone sounded serious, but it was also laced with desire. He stroked me a few times, I sighed as the heat came flooding back to my groin. "Listen to me, my darling." 

"I'm listening, Alessandro," I replied, breath hitching when he squeezed me again. 

Papa continued his stroking of my cock as he whispered into my ear. "This is important. If at anytime you're too uncomfortable or in pain, let me know and I will stop immediately. I want to do this but I don't want to hurt you or cause too much discomfort." He kissed my shoulder. "Do you promise to stop me if you need to?"

"Yes," I whispered. "I promise, Alessandro." 

"Good," he replied. "You can touch yourself while I do this. It will help ease the discomfort. I will tell you everything I'm going to do before I do it, that way nothing is unexpected." Papa removed this hand from my cock and instead moved it to grab the bottle of lube on the bed. He flicked it open and poured some onto his fingers. "I'm going to start with my fingers, Andrea, just touching, no penetration yet so you can get you used to the feeling. Again, if you're not okay with this, say so and I will stop." 

"I am okay," I replied. I took in a breath as my heart fluttered. Remembering what he had said, I took my half hard cock into my hand and stroked slowly. 

Papa's lips were back on my shoulder as I felt his fingertips slip between my ass cheeks. I held my breath as he lightly caressed the soft skin around my hole. The feeling was odd but wasn't unpleasant. I let out the breath slowly, moaning quietly. Papa applied slightly more pressure as he circled his fingers. Little tingles of pleasure had me shivering, my cock hardened in my hand and I started a faster stroking. 

"Do you like this, my darling?" Papa purred into my ear. His voice was dark and thick. 

I hummed, nodding. "Yes, Alessandro," I whispered. "I do."

"I'm going to try some penetration now, if you are okay with that," he said. "It will likely feel slightly uncomfortable but shouldn't hurt." 

"Okay," I whispered back. I felt my heart pounding and I tensed slightly. My anxiety telling me that maybe I wasn't ready for this. I kept quiet though. I started breathing heavily. 

"Relax, Andrea," Papa whispered soothingly as I began to tremble with both anxiety and need. My hand stilled on my erection, the throbbing heat intense. I wanted to cry again. Papa pressed a fingertip against the tight ring of muscle at my hole and I took in a shaky breath. I whimpered.

Suddenly something inside my brain snapped and I immediately pulled away from his touch. "Stop Alessandro," I cried as I went into full panic mode and jumped out of the bed. I turned to face him and he had a look of pure fear on his face. "I can't," I whispered. My head swam as my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. "I'm not ready. I'm too scared." I couldn't catch my breath and I felt like running back to my cabin but I was naked. Instead I turned and ran into the bathroom, locking the door and collapsing to the floor in tears. Leaving a stunned Papa back in the bedroom on the bed alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly a happy ending but hopefully I will get more written soon.


	14. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa and Copia have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if there are multiple mistakes in this. I am extremely tired and did my best to edit but only got halfway through it before I decided to post it as is. I did not get any sleep last night because of my shoulder injury. The good news is that I will be alright (nothing serious). This is angsty but the fluff will return shortly.

April 12th, 1912

I cried on the floor of Papa's bathroom, shaking uncontrollably. I should have never jumped into this. It was too soon and my heart was breaking, not just for me but for Papa as well. I should have told him no at the first sign of doubt. My anxiety was often an overreaction but at times it was correct, and I had convinced myself that, right now, it was. The look on his face as I ran from him broke my heart. I was sorry that I had convinced him that I was okay with what he wanted to do to me. I cried harder, leaning back against the door. I felt weak and I closed my eyes, trying to catch my breath. I couldn't and my chest started to hurt as I gasped for air. My vision started to go dark and I cried out loudly, fighting to stay conscious. 

A soft knock at the door startled me and I took in a sharp breath. "Andrea?" Papa's voice was quiet, I heard concern and pain in his tone. "Andrea, I'm so sorry." 

I said nothing. I couldn't. The pain in his voice was twisting at my heart and I could do nothing but cry. I dropped my head back against the door, taking in a deep breath before sobbing again. 

He rattled the doorknob slightly. "Can you unlock the door?" Papa whispered, quietly. "Please, Andrea." He was crying now, begging me to let him in. "I need to know that you're alright. I am worried. I'm so sorry." 

I got up on my knees and reached up, unlatching the door and crawling over to collapse weakly against the cold bathtub. The bathroom door swung open to reveal Papa standing there, dressed in his purple dressing gown, with tears streaming down his face. I timidly raised my head, reluctant to meet his gaze. "You didn't hurt me, Alessandro," I whispered when I saw the distress in his mismatched eyes. "I had a panic attack and I'm sorry that I didn't stop you sooner." 

Papa stepped closer, grabbing a black dressing gown off the back of the door and kneeling down in front of me. He silently handed me the silk gown and I slipped it on, grateful for something to cover up with. "This isn't your fault, Andrea," he muttered, reaching for my hand. I let him take it. "I am deeply sorry for this. I should have realized that you weren't ready." Tears started streaming down my face again and Papa suddenly looked unsure of himself. I realized then that he wanted to touch more than just my hand but he was afraid. To be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted it either. 

"I'm sorry, Papa," I said. Looking down at the pristine floor tiles. I swiped at my eyes, suddenly angry with my tears. I didn't want to cry over Papa's distress. I needed to show him that he hadn't hurt me because I was convinced that he thought I was lying to him.

I bit my lip, glancing back at Papa. He was still silently crying. Fuck it, I thought. I couldn't stand it anymore. I pushed myself up and fell forward into my Pope's arms, sobbing into the silky material covering his chest. Papa hugged me gently. 

"You shouldn't be on the floor, my darling," Papa whispered after a few moments. 

"I don't want to move," I muttered quietly. I felt weak and didn't think I could stand on my own. I sighed. "I feel weak. Panic attacks take a lot out of me." 

Papa pulled back slightly and looked at me. I could still see the concern in his eyes. "Let me help you, yes?" he asked gently. 

"Okay," I said. I was starting to feel cold from sitting on the floor. My mind had calmed down some, the familiar emotional numbness setting in. My panic attacks often drained me both physically and emotionally to the point where I would feel nothing at all. I welcomed it, not wanting to cry anymore. 

Papa tightened his grip on me and helped me to my feet. My body felt heavy and I leaned heavily on him to keep from falling. He didn't protest or show any indication that I was a burden. "The bed or the sitting room?" Papa asked once he steadied me. 

"The sitting room," I whispered. I didn't want to go back to bed just yet. I started to walk on my own. It was slow and Papa stayed behind me. He placed a hand gently on my lower back letting me know that while I was doing this on my own he was there should I need him. I appreciated the gesture. 

I sat myself down on the couch and covered myself with the blanket, wrapping it tightly around my body. "Are you cold, Andrea?" Papa asked quietly. He stood by the chair across from the couch, watching me carefully. 

"Yes," I said. I was a little, but the blanket was more for comfort than warmth. Papa walked over to the fireplace and turned it on. He sat down on the chair, crossing his legs and resting his hands in his lap. He wouldn't look at me. I was slightly glad, I didn't want to try and avoid his gaze. I looked at the fake flames dancing away in the fireplace. 

We sat in silence for several minutes. Papa was the first to speak. I could feel his eyes on me, I kept mine on the fireplace. "I have to know, Andrea," he said. "Are you alright?" 

I sighed. "I am okay physically," I whispered. "Emotional will come with time." 

"I'm sorry," Papa said and he sounded upset. "I hope you can forgive me." 

"I already have, Alessandro," I replied. "This isn't your fault either." I turned my head and finally looked at him. He was trying to read my expression. I didn't show any emotions. I didn't have any. "My anxiety is at fault." 

"Your anxiety is you, my darling," Papa said softly. "When I choose to take you to my bed, I take all of you, anxiety included, and I should have known better." He sighed quietly. "It is too soon for you and for that I am sorry." I didn't reply. He was technically right but I was still blaming this on my screwed up brain. 

I shifted and licked my lips before changing the subject. "I want to go eat, Papa," I said. I needed to get out of the stateroom. Sitting there was bringing my anxiety back. 

"We can do that," he replied, nodding. 

I bit my lip and looked away. He hadn't picked up on what exactly I had said. I needed some time away from him. I needed to think. "No, Alessandro," I muttered. "I meant, I want to go eat. Alone." I just hoped it wasn't too late for breakfast in the dining saloon.

Papa looked gutted and I almost lost what little resistance I had. But I knew that he knew I needed this and I also knew that he would be fine. "Okay," Papa whispered, he was fighting tears.

"I'm not leaving you," I said and I meant it. "I'll be back. I just need some time to think this through. Everything happened between us so fast." 

"If you need to slow things down, you just need to ask," Papa replied quietly. 

"I know." I pushed the blanket away and stood. My legs felt weak but I could hold myself up well enough. I went around the stateroom, picking up my clothes. Papa watched me with a sympathetic expression. 

I went into the bedroom and slipped out of Papa's dressing gown, folding it and leaving it with the rest of his clothes. Staring at the piles reminded me that when I returned I should take the time to put them away. I dressed and fixed my hair as best I could. 

When I returned to the sitting room, Papa got up from the chair and approached me. "I'm sorry again," he said, extending an arm towards me. I took his hand. "Are you sure you want to go to breakfast alone?" He sounded scared. 

"I'm sure," I replied. I squeezed his hand when that look of fear spread to his eyes. "I just need to think, Alessandro. I'll come back once I feel better." 

I turned to head towards the door and Papa tightened his grip on my hand. "Don't leave me," he whispered, barely audible. 

I frowned, something wasn't right with Papa. "What's wrong, Alessandro?" I asked, I was beginning to become concerned. 

Papa sighed and dropped my hand. He raked his hand over his face and looked at me. "You can go, Andrea," he whispered. "If you don't come back, I will understand." His tears were back. I watched him blink them away. 

My frown deepened as my heart started to ache in a way that made me want to hug my Pope tightly. He was genuinely afraid that I was going to leave him. 

I walked over to the chair and sat down, all thoughts of wanting to be alone left me. "Why are you suddenly afraid that I won't come back?" I asked, concerned. I wasn't sure if he would actually tell me or not. 

He did. Papa turned to face me. "I used to not be so good with this Andrea," he admitted, he bit his lip and I wondered if he was experiencing some anxiety of his own. "I used to only care about myself and not about the wellbeing of my lovers." Papa sighed and moved over to the other chair. He sat on the arm of it. "I simply chased my own orgasm, not giving a damn whether or not they also got what they wanted." 

I shook my head, not believing that for one second. Papa had been very gentle and loving with me. I couldn't believe that he had once been like that. "No, Papa," I whispered. "You're not like that. If you were I wouldn't be here anymore." 

"And that's why I'm worried that you want to leave," Papa said, voice wavering. "I tried to be different with you, Andrea. I used what I learned from all the others who had left me before to try and keep you around." He started to cry. "I've had many lovers walk out on me and never return because I was always thinking of myself and never of them. I tried to change that with you. I felt more for you. I don't want you to leave, but I will understand why if you do."

"No," I repeated. "I'm not going anywhere. I won't. I don't know why I fell for you so quickly but I do know that what I feel for you is true and what happened isn't your fault. So stop blaming yourself." I smiled slightly at him. 

A hint of amusement appeared in Papa's mismatched eyes and I knew I had finally reached him. "I could tell you the same thing, my darling," Papa gave me a small grin in return.

I stood up and went to him. I took his hand and held it. "I want you to come with me to breakfast, Papa," I said. 

"I will," he replied. "But not in the dining saloon. I wish to return to the A La Carte restaurant." 

"If you insist," I said. I looked down at my clothes. "Do you want me to change?" I smiled.

Papa shook his head. "Only if you want to. I do not care what you wear, Andrea. I am just happy to have your company. It does not matter what you look like." I grinned and pulled him to his feet, taking his face in my hands and kissing him deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have more for you tonight. It depends on how I'm feeling. I have to go back to work tomorrow so it may be a couple or a few days before the next update.


	15. Spending Time Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa and Copia each spend an afternoon by themselves doing some thinking.

April 12th, 1912

"What do you want to do today, my darling?" Papa asked as ate his chicken gumbo soup. Unfortunately the breakfast menu had ended and we had to order from the lunch and dinner menu. I did not mind. Food was food. 

"I don't know," I sighed as I poked at my salmon with my fork. I was still feeling a little off emotionally. I couldn't quite place the feelings though. "Is there really anything to do on a ship?"

Papa laughed quietly. "You really weren't given enough time to get to know this ship, were you?"

"You know I wasn't." I said it bitterly and I didn't mean to. Papa said nothing and looked away, taking a hearty drink from his wine glass. "Sorry Alessandro," I muttered. "I'm still feeling off from this morning. I didn't mean to snap at you." 

He looked back at me. I couldn't read his expression. "It might be best if you do spend some time alone," Papa replied, his tone was flat. 

"Papa…" I sighed, reaching across the table and taking his hand. He gave me a slightly surprised look but then smiled. "I would like that but I'll stay with you if that's what you want." 

Papa shook his head. "It is okay, Andrea," he said. "I think I will be going for a swim later. It will help. You are welcome to join me." 

"I can't swim," I said. "I never felt the need to learn. I am afraid of deep water." 

"If you ever want to learn, I will teach you." Papa drank more of his wine. "You will need to get over your fear though." I nodded. That fear would never go away. 

I took a breath, there was a question that I wanted to ask him. Something that had been nagging at my brain ever since I learned of his fear of abandonment. "Alessandro?" I inquired. 

"Hmm?" Papa said, looking up from his plate. 

"I…" Damn it. Why was this so hard for me to say? There was a part of me that was slightly nervous about this but I had thought it through. This wasn't the same type of anxiety I had felt before when I was faced with the prospect of losing my virginity. This was an easier decision. Papa was waiting patiently for me to reply. I swallowed and bit my lip. I admired the patience that man had for me. "Would it be okay if I moved some of my things into your stateroom? I'm not anticipating spending much more time on my own in my cabin." 

Papa smiled and it reached his eyes. "Yes, of course, my sweet Copia," he said. "I would be happy if you stayed with me in my suite." 

"We can move my things later," I said. "Are you sure you're okay with me going off on my own for a while today, Papa?"

He nodded and I could tell that he wasn't lying to me. "I am," Papa replied. "My worries are gone and I understand your need for personal space. I won't stop you from spending time alone." 

"Thank you, Alessandro," I whispered, smiling at him. 

"I love you, Andrea," Papa muttered so that only I could hear. I blushed but muttered it back.

~*~

After our lunch, Papa and I parted ways for the afternoon. We agreed to meet in the dining saloon at dinnertime. I set off to explore the ship. 

I headed up to the boat deck, instantly regretting that decision once I excited the grand staircase into the cold air outside. I did not have my coat with me and the temperature seemed to have drastically decreased over the past 24 hours. I didn't know exactly how cold it was but I shivered as I walked aft on the port side of the ship. 

I looked around the deck, there were a lot fewer passengers out walking today than there had been yesterday. My eyes fell upon a young couple, walking hand in hand along the railing, looking out over the water. They were laughing and stealing kisses from each other. I smiled, thinking that they must be on their honeymoon. I couldn't help but think that maybe one day that couple could be me and Papa. 

Although it was cold, I took a few moments to stop and sit down on a deck chair. The sun was shining and I felt some warmth from it. I looked out at the horizon and let my thoughts wander. 

My mind went immediately to Papa, as I found it often did and would continue to do. My thoughts would almost always involve my Alessandro. I did love him, of that I was sure. What bothered me was how fast I had fallen for him. I confessed my love for him yesterday, just one day after we had met. I had never felt anything like this before, but then again I had never loved another before. Most people take weeks or months to fall in love, we didn't and I knew he felt the same. 

I was a little worried that perhaps what I was feeling was fueled by lust or infatuation. All of this was new to me. I had no idea how to sort out my thoughts but at the same time I really only had two choices; continue with this relationship or completely abandon it. I couldn't do the latter. I had already made my choice. 

Regardless of the doubts floating around inside my head, I knew Papa and I had something special. Whatever that was, I hadn't yet figured out, but I didn't want to stop trying either. I was completely in love with Papa Emeritus III and he with me, or so he told me. I left my faith and my life to begin a new one with him and I wasn't going to lose him over some stupid thoughts of mine brought on by my anxiety. I couldn't control my anxiety but I could control how it affected me in the long run. I would try to do that for my Papa. I had to.

I got up from the chair and continued my walk along the boat deck until I came to a door leading inside again. It opened into a much smaller and less elegant version of the forward grand staircase. It had the same wrought iron glass covered dome but the clock and wood panels were much simpler and plain looking. Not that I would have complained, I did not care about luxury. 

I found that this staircase only went to C deck, unlike the forward staircase, which went all the way down to E deck and had an elevator. I walked down to A deck and found the entrance to the first class smoking room. 

I did not smoke but I was curious. When I entered the room it was mostly empty. I assumed that it was mostly used late at night and while Papa and I did stay up, we were usually engaging in other activities. Drinking and casual conversation or card games were the last things on our minds.

The room was expansive, larger than the dining room. On the dark mahogany walls were intricate carvings and inlaid with mother of pearl patterns. Beautiful stained glass windows ran along the walls with backlighting similar to that of the dining saloon. Red and blue tiles covered the floor. Along the far wall was a small bar, next to it was a large revolving door that led out into another sitting area on a promenade.

In the middle of the room sat a large fireplace, reminiscent of the one back in Papa's promenade suite, except this one was real. Black coals burned within it, giving off a decent warmth. I welcomed it, still being cold from the outside. 

I sat down at one of the small tables next to the fireplace, intending to sit there for a few minutes to warm up. The table was small and square, made from heavy oak that was stained dark brown. The top was covered in light green velvet. The chairs had the same fabric. 

After a few moments the bartender wandered over to me. "Cigar, sir?" He held one out to me.

"No thank you," I put my hand up, politely declining. 

"Perhaps a drink then?" 

"I am good, thanks," I replied. "I've only just stepped in here to warm up." 

"Yes, of course," he replied, "should you change your mind, please let me know." 

I nodded and he wandered off to some other passengers. 

It was a long while before I got up. The heat from the fireplace was comforting and I found myself getting sleepy. It was only when I feared nodding off that I decided to continue with my exploration. 

I excited the smoking room and on the other side of the staircase I found the aft entrance to the first class lounge. The room was styled in decor taken from the Palace of Versailles in France. The lighting came from wall sconces and a large gold chandelier in the middle of the room. Along the back wall, directly next to the door, was large oak bookcase. There was also a fireplace but it was not a coal burning one. 

Curious, I went over to the bookcase and started browsing through the volumes. I had always been a book lover. As a child I had been teased for it, being told by other boys my age that books were for girls. Although I had been embarrassed about it, I never bothered to stop reading. It was a secret pleasure of mine. I found comfort in the pages of my favorite books. I pulled a brand new copy of Treasure Island off the shelf and carried it over to one of the couches. Sitting, I made myself comfortable and opened the cover.

~*~ 

I didn't put the book down until I heard the dinner bell. After finishing the chapter I was reading, I returned the book to the shelf and headed back up to the boat deck. It was dark and cold. A lot colder than before. We must have been further north than I expected. I hurried down the deck, breathing out a sigh of relief once I reached the forward grand staircase entrance. At the time I hadn't realized that I could have exited the lounge on that side of the ship, saving myself the trouble of being exposed to the cold. 

I had no intentions of changing so I didn't bother stopping by my own cabin. When I stepped into the dining saloon, I noticed that it was quite crowded. I scanned the room but did not see Papa. The table that Papa and I had sat at the first time we had dinner together was unoccupied so I decided that I would go and wait for him there. 

A waiter approached me not long after I had sat down. It was the same waiter from the first night. "Hello again, sir," he smiled at me, obviously remembering me. "Dining alone or will the other gentleman be joining you this evening?"

"He will be joining me," I replied. "Please bring us red wine and a menu. Alessandro will want to look over it." 

"Of course," he said, bowing before heading into the kitchen. 

I pulled out my pocket watch and saw that it was after seven. Papa was running quite late, as I myself had been a little late. It wasn't until our waiter had returned with the menu and wine did Papa join me. "My apologies Andrea," Papa said as he sat down across from me. "I spent some extra time in the shower after my swim." He winked at me. 

I blushed and laughed nervously. "You can't be serious, Alessandro," I said. Honestly I wasn't surprised, Papa was always either kissing or flirting with me. He didn't hide the fact that he was highly attracted to me. 

Papa sipped his wine. "Not at all, my darling," he replied. "Thinking about you turns me on and I think about you often." He smiled at me. I blushed deeper.

"I think about you often too," I admitted quietly as Papa picked up the menu to look it over. I took a drink from my wine glass. 

Our waiter reappeared and set down our appetizers. "Is the menu to your liking tonight, sir?"

"It is," Papa said, handing the menu back. "Thank you." He piled some salad onto his plate. "What did you do today?" He asked me.

"Read," I said. "I found the lounge and read a few chapters of Treasure Island. It's one of my favorite novels." 

"Do you like to read, Andrea?" Papa asked, smiling. For a moment I thought he was going to make fun of me. But he said nothing else.

I ate some of my salad before replying. "Yes, I do, Papa," I replied, and his smile widened. "Please don't tease me, I have dealt with that all my life."

"I am not teasing you," he said. "I ask because I have done some thinking in our time apart today."

"I did as well," I said. 

"You go first, my darling," Papa said. "I want to hear what you have to say." He poured me more wine before filling his own glass. 

I took a breath and a bite of food before speaking. "I have come to the conclusion that I really have no idea what's happening to me. These feelings I have for you, I don't know where they came from, but I do know that you make me happy Alessandro. I don't want to give up what we have because of my stupid anxiety. I just ask that we slow down a bit with the…" I blushed. I couldn't say it. Not in public. 

"I understand," Papa replied. "I'm not going to try anything with you unless you ask me first." 

"I don't want it to be like that though." Our entrees had arrived. Sirloin steak with mixed vegetables. I ate a carrot before continuing. "You can ask me anything, Alessandro. I just need to listen to myself more." 

"And please do," Papa said. "I really don't want a repeat of this morning." 

"Neither do I," I muttered. I cut up my steak before changing the subject. I didn't want to talk about what happened this morning anymore. "Why did you ask me if I liked to read?" 

"As I said, I did some thinking earlier," Papa replied. "I have the power to ordain anyone I want." He paused to eat and drink some wine. "If you truly want to dedicate your time to my church and learn the masses and rituals as quickly as possible I can ordain you immediately." 

"What?" I asked, confused. No church would ever do that without some education or experience in their faith. I had neither. "What do mean, Papa?"

"I do not require you to have in depth knowledge of our faith. I am willing to give you Priest status without that knowledge as long you promise to take the time to learn it quickly." 

"But why?" I whispered. I was both surprised and confused. 

"Isn't that obvious, my darling?" Papa smiled. "It's because I love you. I want to make you happy by giving you everything that is within my power, and this is one of those things." 

"I'm flattered, Alessandro," I said. "But I won't ask you to do that."

"I'm simply offering, Andrea," he said. His voice was sincere. "The choice is ultimately yours." 

"I will think about it," I replied. 

"I have some books in my suitcase, as well as my ritual book," Papa said. "You are welcome to read anything I have with me. There will be more resources for you once we arrive at the church in New York." He stopped for a minute. "You may want to read through the ordainment rituals though, you should know what is required of both of us." 

"I will Alessandro," I said. "But I would like to go to my cabin after we're finished eating to collect some of my things." 

"Of course, sweet Copia," Papa said, smiling. He paused for a moment, shifting in his chair and then looking directly at me. I watched as his eyes darkened slightly while he stared at me. I blushed. "I wish to bring you to orgasm again tonight, my darling," he whispered, so quiet I barely heard him. My heart rate increased drastically. It wasn't from anxiety. "If you're okay with that?" He added.

I bit my lip and nodded. "I am," I whispered, glad we were tucked away from the other passengers. 

"Then let us finish our meal, collect your belongings and return to bed," Papa replied, winking at me. 

I groaned and ate the rest of my dinner as quickly as was considered polite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will likely include smut or be all smut. I haven't decided yet.


	16. Taking Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa asks Copia to take some control in bed, hoping that it will help him overcome some anxiety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not happy with this. I thought about deleting it and starting over but to honest I don't think that will help. This is what happens to me when I attempt to write smut over a couple of days. But I believe it's also the way I've built up their relationship that has me frustrated with it so now I have to find a way to work through that. It could also be the fact that work has been killing me this past week. But on the upside I am feeling physically better after my fall for the most part. I have a lump on my knee that really hurts but I had it checked and was told it would be okay.

April 12th, 1912

After our meal, I brought Papa down to my cabin to help collect my things. "Your room is so much smaller, Copia," Papa said as he stepped into the stateroom. 

"I did not mind," I replied shrugging. "I'm not as used to such luxuries, Alessandro." I picked up my suitcase and started putting my things together. 

"I will have you adjusted soon enough, my darling." He smiled at me.

I watched as Papa went over to the side of the room. He bent to pick up the discarded bible. "Such disrespect for the holy book," he tsked in amusement. I stared at him and he laughed. "Did you want to keep it? I don't care if you do." Papa sat down on the bed and set the book down next to him on the duvet. 

"Never really thought about it," I said absentmindedly. I watched as Papa placed the bible in the bottom of my suitcase. I let him do it. While I was certain that I would never use it again for spiritual purposes, it may come in handy in the future for something else.

"I did not bring much with me," I admitted as I piled my clothes on top of the book. "I thought it best if I left with as little as possible." 

"Smart choice," Papa replied and paused for a moment. "I am not a light traveler," he admitted. When he saw the surprised look on my face, he continued. "I am very good at hiding my clutter, as you will find out in time, my darling. Most of my items are tucked away in the bedroom closet." 

That must have been why Papa had left his clothes all over the spare bed. "Organized clutter?" I asked. Papa nodded and I cringed, sighing. Well, I couldn't love everything about him, but at least I might be able to change his ways. 

I turned and bent over to retrieve some of my discarded clothes, the ones that I had hastily stripped off the first day of the voyage. 

"Andrea," I heard Papa purr from behind me. I turned back around, dropping the garments to the carpet. Papa licked his lips and I could tell that he had been staring at my ass. I blushed as I felt a jolt of heat in my groin. "Come here, my darling." He reached for my arm and pulled me towards the bed. I stopped just short of crashing into him and his hand went to my shirt, fisting into it and pulling me down for a kiss. 

Papa groaned when I opened my mouth for him. Our tongues met and he released his hold on my shirt, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. We kissed deeply for a few moments before Papa slid his hand down to my hip, giving it a light squeeze. He pulled away and pushed my suitcase off the bed, crawling backward. I wanted to protest the mess he had just made, but he pulled me down on top of him. "I want you to take control, Andrea," Papa whispered. "Do what you want to me."

I hesitated, unsure of myself. I placed my knees on either side of Papa's legs and sat back. "I don't know, Papa," I muttered. "I'm still so inexperienced." 

A sympathetic look came over my Pope's face and he propped himself up on an elbow. The other hand went to my face where he brushed over my cheeks tenderly. "Let go of these fears, my darling," Papa said, soothingly. "They're only holding you back. You won't do anything to me that I wouldn't enjoy, and if for some reason you did, I would tell you. I won't be upset with you. I promise." I bit my lip. "Trust in yourself, Andrea. I do. This will help you." 

"I think-" 

Papa cut me off with a quick kiss. "Don't think, just feel. Do what feels good, don't second guess yourself." 

I still had no idea what I was doing but Papa's comforting words calmed me and I was able to overcome my insecurities. "Okay Alessandro," I muttered. He smiled at me and I leaned down to kiss him gently. 

"You can ask me to take back control at any time," he whispered into my ear. "But please try it for a while. I think you will like it." I nodded, content with that idea. 

Papa licked over my ear and I couldn't stop myself from giggling. The feeling was nice but tickled slightly. He nipped at my earlobe. 

I dropped my head and kissed his cheek, making my way down his neck. I stopped and licked over his pulse point. Papa hummed, bringing a hand up to my head. He threaded his fingers into my light brown hair and pushed my head down gently. I had an idea of what he was trying to get me to do. 

I licked his neck a couple more times before opening my mouth and sucking gently on his beautiful pale skin. Papa sighed and tightened his grip on my hair. I whimpered quietly. It was both painful and delightful at the same time. Papa loosened his hold. "I'm sorry if that hurt you, Andrea," he muttered. "I didn't mean to pull so hard. What you were doing felt quite good." 

"It hurt a little," I admitted, resuming my kissing of his neck. "But I did enjoy it." 

"I am happy you are being truthful with me," Papa replied, and he bit back a moan when I pulled his shirt collar aside, sucking on his collarbone. "Suck harder, Andrea," he whispered, grip tightening again. I groaned and did as he asked. I found I rather liked giving Papa little bruises, now I knew why he liked to do this. 

"Papa?" I asked. I wanted him to do this to me. 

"What can I do for you, sweet Copia?" he replied, voice velvet smooth. 

"I want you to mark me some more," I whispered. "I really like them." 

"Do you like giving them to me too?" Papa asked, smiling. 

I hummed affirmatively. "I do." 

"Good. Very good." Papa reached for my shirt and pulled it over my head, removing his own afterward. We kissed hard, Papa's lips moving against mine. I moaned when he pushed his tongue into my mouth. I sucked on it gently and he moaned quietly. I broke the kiss by tugging on his bottom lip with my teeth. 

Slowly I slid my hand between our bodies and found the front of Papa's pants. I pressed my palm against his erection, rubbing it. "Andrea…" Papa sighed. I dropped my head and we sucked at each other's necks. Papa wrapped his arms around me and scratched lightly down my back, I shivered, liking the feeling. Papa pushed himself up into my hand, seeking more pressure.

Remembering that he liked things a little rough, I decided to pull my hand away and roll my hips down into his instead. I sighed at the contact. Papa was already hard, and feeling him against me made my cock twitch and start to swell. We found a rhythm with our hips that had us both moaning and gasping in no time. 

I dipped my head and Papa latched onto my lips, kissing me passionately. His arms pulled me closer so he could suck a small bruise into my shoulder. "Alessandro…" I whined, giving him a hard thrust with my hips. 

"Take your pants off, Andrea," Papa whispered, giving me a gentle push. I sat back and slid off the bed, undoing my belt and shoving my dress pants down. I kicked them aside as Papa removed his own pants. "Get back over here, my darling." He reached for me and I climbed back on top of him, his arms wrapped around my waist. 

I felt a sudden rush of arousal and placed my hands on his hips, squeezing them roughly. Papa groaned and kissed me hard. We nipped and bit at each other's lips and tongue. "Flip me over, Papa," I muttered in between the heated kisses. I knew he wanted me in control but I needed to be able to touch more of him. 

He did as I asked, tightening his grip on me and turning our bodies. He did it with such precision that our kiss never broke. When he finally did pull away, he looked down at me with lust heavy eyes. "Do you want me to take over?" he asked. 

"Only if you want to," I whispered. "I wanted to be able to touch more of you." Papa smiled and dropped his head, licking down the side of my neck. It tickled and I laughed, my body shuddering in pleasure. He sucked on me hard and I groaned, the slight ache felt good. 

"I think you like things a little rough too, eh?" Papa muttered, licking at my throat again. 

"Maybe," I replied a bit shyly. "I'm still trying things out." 

"And that is perfectly okay, Andrea," Papa replied. "You are learning what you like and I am proud of you."

I blushed but smiled slightly. I lifted my hands and ran my fingers up and down his back a few times before curling them and scratching him lightly. He sighed, trailing a hand to my nipple. He rubbed over it and pinched it. Papa kissed me to quiet my little moans and whimpers. I slid my hand around his hips and took his cock into my fist. I started a slow stroke, stopping every now and again to palm over his tip and cup his balls. 

"Ah yes," Papa moaned. "You really are a fast learner." He reached between my legs and started stroking my cock. I closed my eyes as I felt the burning desire intensify. Biting my lip, I lifted my hips from the bed. 

Papa kissed me hot and heavy and I started to drool. My brain was slowly getting lost to the pleasure. I looked up at him, I could barely keep my eyes open. My hand stilled on his cock. "Papa," I whimpered when he thumbed over the head of my leaking erection. 

"How do you want to cum, my darling?" he asked me, voice thick. I squeezed him and he moaned. 

"Like this," I whined. Papa had my balls in his hand, rolling them between his fingers. "Please Alessandro." I started stroking him again, faster than I had before. 

"We can make each other cum," Papa whispered. "Keep your hand on me. Don't stop and I'll cum for you too." I smiled and kissed him, liking that idea. 

I closed my fist tightly around Papa's cock and began to pump my hand up and down his shaft. Circling around the tip every few strokes. He began making cute little noises and his eyes fell closed. "Fuck, Andrea," he groaned, thrusting into my hand. "Sweet Lucifer, you're getting good at this…" 

I grinned, but quickly let out my own moan as Papa began to do the same to me. His wrist twisted over my cock, expertly working the head. My hand on him faltered for a moment as I rocked my hips up. 

I felt the tension in my groin building. "Alessandro...I-" Papa kissed me, rubbing the underside of my cock. I bucked my hips and he sucked my tongue into his mouth. 

"You're so beautiful like this, Andrea," Papa whispered when he pulled away. I whined, desperately. He squeezed me and I cried out. His other hand pressed against my taint, finding that spot that made me cum hard. 

I gave him one last stroke as my body exploded in waves of pleasure. I felt my cock twitch and pulse, spilling my release onto Papa's hand and my stomach. 

Not long after, Papa groaned and I felt the wet splatter of his release combine with mine. 

After a few minutes, he rolled onto the bed beside me, breathing heavily. I whimpered quietly as he ran his fingers along my sides. I was an overstimulated mess. My nerve endings tingled everywhere, no matter where he touched. 

Finally, Papa leaned over and kissed me softly. "Did you enjoy yourself, my darling?"

I nodded. "I did, Papa." 

"Good," he replied, sitting up. "You know there are many things we can try. Now that I know you like things a little rough as well, we will see what you might be into." He grinned and I groaned. "But not tonight." 

Papa climbed out of the bed. "You have a bathtub in here, correct?" he asked, heading to the bathroom door. 

"Yes." I pushed myself up and smiled lazily at him. The idea of a warm bath with him sounded nice.

"We will take a hot bath and then I will pick up the mess I made." He laughed lightly when I looked at him, confused for a moment. "I saw the way you looked at me, Andrea, when I pushed that suitcase off of the bed. I may prefer disorganization but that doesn't mean I don't take responsibility for my own clutter." 

"I am glad," I replied, laughing and following him into the bathroom.


	17. Learning a Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuddles and early morning reading. Copia realizes something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but really fucking cute. I had to break up the smut somehow lol

April 12th, 1912 - April 13th, 1912

It was cold. Papa and I were lounging on his private promenade deck, covered in the duvet from the spare bedroom. The chairs weren't big enough for both of us but pushed together, we could hold hands and rest our heads together. My eyes were closed when I felt Papa press a soft kiss to my temple. "It is late, Andrea," he whispered, nuzzling my neck with his nose. 

"I know," I muttered, turning my head towards him. He lifted his head and brushed his lips against mine. "Do you want to go to bed, Alessandro?" 

"Not without you," Papa replied, sighing quietly. "Do you want to go to bed?"

I looked at him in the darkness and smiled. He looked so beautiful. I shook my head. "I want to kiss you," I whispered, leaning in and kissing him gently. Papa brought his hands to my face and held my cheeks between them. His hands were warm, my cheeks cold. My skin burned pleasantly under his touch. 

"You're so cold, my darling," Papa said, breaking our tender kiss and resting his forehead against mine. 

"It has gotten cold outside," I replied. "Are we supposed to be this far north?" 

He shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about it," Papa whispered, tilting his head and kissing me gently. I groaned quietly when he ran his tongue along my lips. I opened my mouth for him and he deepened the kiss. 

Papa sighed when I pulled away, a little breathless. Smiling, I laid my head on his shoulder. "I love you, Alessandro," I whispered. 

"I love you too, Andrea," he replied, talking my hand and squeezing it. 

"I want you to ordain me, Papa," I said and I'm pretty sure I surprised him with this, he looked at me with slightly wide eyes. He opened his mouth and I answered the question before he had the chance to ask it. "I'm sure. I want to serve you and our infernal Master." 

"I think you should read over the ritual in my book first, Andrea," Papa said and then quickly added, "I was going to make you do this anyway." 

I nodded. "I'm okay with that," I replied and briefly wondered why that was so important to him. I forgot when Papa covered my lips with his own. We kissed for a few moments, just gentle and sweet, neither of us tried to deepen it. 

"I'd sleep here if I could," I sighed. As cold as it was, I enjoyed the chill. The blanket was warm and being near Papa was comforting. I only wished that I could be in his arms. 

"Not a good idea, my darling," Papa laughed lightly. "If you are truly that sleepy, we should go to bed." 

"I'm just comfortable here, Papa," I said. "It is warm under this blanket with you. And I enjoy looking out at the stars." The night sky was a lovely sight. The moon provided some light in the promenade, as Papa had kept the lights off, and the stars shone brightly along the horizon. The black water was still and looked like glass. 

"It is nice out here," he admitted, and I felt him shift closer to me. Well, as close as being in two separate chairs would allow. Papa laid his head on my shoulder. "It is nice to be here with you, my darling. I have not been able to enjoy company quite like this in a long while." He pressed his lips to my neck. I smiled, his words warming my heart. I shifted so that I could kiss him. This time I couldn't hold back and deepened it immediately, making Papa moan quietly. 

"Let's go to bed, Alessandro," I whispered, breaking the kiss. "I want to lay in your arms." 

Papa replied by kissing me again and pulling the blanket back. I shivered from the cold, but it was short lived, as we hurried into the bedroom. We stripped off our clothes and crawled into bed together, snuggling close. It didn't take long before we were both fast asleep.

~*~

When I awoke the sun was high in the sky and I assumed that it was late morning. Confused on how I could have slept so long, I carefully slid out of the bed to retrieve my pocket watch. It was just past seven. It took me a few minutes to realize that because we were so far north the sun had risen a lot earlier. 

I turned around and looked at Papa, softly snoring and sprawled out on his back in the bed. I knew it was too early to wake him so I went over to his dressing table and picked up his ritual book. It still felt odd, going through a book that wasn't mine. I felt like I was reading his diary. In a way I was. But he had given me permission to do so and that helped. 

Grabbing Papa's black dressing gown, I slipped it on and carried the book out into the sitting room. It was rather cool so I switched on the fireplace before taking a seat in the chair beside the fireplace. 

I knew Papa wanted me to look over the ordainment rituals first, but I found myself wondering about the marriage ritual. My fingers flipped through the pages until I found it. Before I had no urge to marry, but now that I had found a new faith that accepted me for who I was, I wasn't so against the idea anymore. 

Reading through the ceremony I found that it was pretty straightforward. It began by calling on the Princes of Hell and the four cardinal directions, followed by some scriptures and lighting candles and incense. The couple drank wine from a special wedding chalice and said their vows. Then they were bound together in a blood hand fasting ceremony. 

I read through the scriptures, noticing that the more I read, the faster my heart started beating. The feeling wasn't anxiety. It was actual excitement. I wasn't sure if it was from the knowledge I was absorbing or if it was from something else. 

I raised my head from the book and looked into the fireplace, trying to place these odd feelings. Biting my lip, I thought about how reading through that marriage ritual made me feel. My brain tried to determine if I was excited about the prospect of being able to perform the ritual. I wasn't. I had performed many marriages in the past in the Catholic church. This wasn't why I was so excited. My excitement came from the thought of being a participant in the marriage. 

I had imagined myself reciting those scriptures and vows, and not just to any random man either. My gaze moved from the fireplace to the doorway of the bedroom and tears began to fill my eyes. 

My heart was beating wildly in my chest when I realized that the man I wanted to marry was fast asleep in the other room.


	18. Love and Marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa attempts to comfort Copia when he awakes to find him crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and cute again lol. Should have more tomorrow.

April 13th, 1912

I sat there in the chair, silently crying. I had closed the ritual book to keep the pages safe from getting wet should my tears fall onto the paper. I don't know how long I cried for but eventually I got up, heart pounding, and walked back into the bedroom. I slipped out of the dressing gown before getting into the bed. I laid down next to my sleeping Pope and wrapped my arms around his warm body. 

Papa sighed sleepily and turned, reaching for me and pulling me close. "Good morning, Andrea," he mumbled, a smile on his face. His eyes were still closed. He buried his face into my chest and I bit back a sob. Papa immediately lifted his head, eyes open and looked at me. "You're crying," he whispered, his gaze was both surprised and concerned. "What's wrong, my darling?" I shook my head. I couldn't tell him. Not yet, anyway. I feared his reaction. 

Closing my eyes, I let myself sob as he clung tightly to me. Papa didn't press for an answer and I was glad. I lifted my head. "Kiss me, Alessandro," I cried, voice cracking. "Please, just kiss me." Papa leaned in and did just that. He kept it clean, not giving any indication that he wanted to deepen it. I whimpered, my lips trembling against his. 

"Are you alright?" Papa asked, still concerned. "If you don't want to tell me why you're crying, at least answer me this."

"I am," I muttered. "I think I just got a little emotional." I sighed.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Papa was petting over the sides of my face, wiping away my tears.

"Stay with me, Papa," I replied, and I knew I sounded desperate. 

He looked at me, concern in his beautiful mismatched eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, my darling," he said. "Why do you think that?" I shook my head again, dropping my gaze, and keeping quiet. I was starting to regret coming back to bed and waking him. "Are you doubting my feelings for you, Andrea?" Still I refused to reply, even though that wasn't the case at all. I fully believed that he did love me. It was my own feelings that I couldn't trust.

Papa kissed my forehead and brought a hand to my chin, lifting my head and forcing me to look at him. "Please talk to me," he whispered. "I'm not going to judge you for anything. Do not be afraid to tell me what's going on." My anxiety was starting to get the best of me and I think he sensed this. 

I sighed. "I'm fine, Alessandro," I lied. But there was no lying to Papa. From this day forward, he would always see straight through me.

He placed his hand on my chest, over my rapidly beating heart. "You are silently panicking, my darling," Papa said, he took my hand and squeezed it comfortingly. "I awake to find you having anxiety and crying. Tell your Papa, what is worrying you? Did you have a bad dream?"

I took in a shaky breath, there was no getting out of this now unless I begged him to leave it alone. "No," I said, looking away and biting my lip. "I don't think I can tell you, Papa. My feelings are all over the place. I can't make sense of this." 

"Please try." He was begging me to tell him and I was about to beg him not to. This wasn't going well. 

"I can't tell you because I know what you're going to say." My voice was barely a whisper. I pulled away from him and sat up, moving to the edge of the bed. I planted my feet on the floor but didn't get up. 

"Say to what?" He sounded oddly confused. "Andrea, what is wrong?" There was a slight firmness to his tone and it bothered me. 

"I was up earlier," I said, suddenly agitated. Somehow I was able to keep my voice calm. "I left you in bed because I didn't want to wake you so early. I was reading your ritual book in the sitting room." 

Papa moved over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Is it the ordainment ritual that has you feeling anxious? I could rewrite it if you're not comfortable with it." 

"No," I replied, now wondering what that ritual involved. I decided that I wouldn't worry about the ordainment right now. "I didn't read through that one, yet." 

Papa frowned. "Which one did you read?"

I turned to face him, anxiety high again. "The marriage ritual." 

He laughed and it wasn't what I was expecting at all. I stared at him, wide eyed and slightly angry. I didn't know what he found so funny, but no part of this was funny to me. 

I stood up and went straight to the spare bed to grab the discarded dressing gown. When I turned around to glare at Papa, I saw that he was watching me with a grin on his face. I scowled at him and walked out of the room, slamming the door closed. 

I didn't want to leave the stateroom in just a dressing gown so I flung myself into the chair I had been sitting in earlier. 

The bedroom door opened and Papa stepped out, still wearing only his purple silk boxers. "I'm sorry Andrea," Papa said and it sounded sincere. I crossed my arms and huffed, I wanted to cry again but kept it in. Papa walked over to the couch and sat down. He picked up his book and flipped through it until he found the marriage ritual. 

I chanced a sideways glance at him when he stayed silent for a few moments. I thought maybe he was waiting for me to say something. Papa's head was down and he was reading the page. I turned towards him. "It's been years since I've performed a marriage ritual," he whispered. "I'd forgotten just how much I love them." He looked up at me and I saw tears in his eyes. I softened my gaze. "I know why reading this made you cry." 

"Why did you laugh at me, Papa?" I muttered. 

"Sometimes I don't think before my actions," he admitted. "I found it slightly amusing that you would have been interested in such a ritual. You had told me you had no desire to ever marry." 

"Well maybe that has changed," I replied, slightly bitter. 

"Given the chance with the right partner, would you consider marriage, Andrea? Even if it couldn't be legal? Only in the eyes of our infernal Master?" 

"Alessandro...I-" I didn't know how to answer his questions. This surely wasn't an actual proposal. He wasn't asking me to marry him. He just wanted to know if I would ever consider it. "I would consider it, yes." 

Papa smiled at me and stood. He came over and sat on the edge of the chair arm. "I would too," he whispered, leaning down and kissing me deeply. 

While this wasn't how I pictured it happening, I was at least glad to know that I hadn't scared him away. Perhaps one day my dream of marrying my Alessandro would come true. 

I wrapped my arms around Papa's neck and kissed him back eagerly. Showing him that I did love him very much.


	19. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia has his first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not what I had planned for the next chapter and to be honest I don't remember what I had planned now lol. Not edited because I am sick and can't go through over 3000 words of smut. I'm too tired to do that and I have work early tomorrow.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, typos, odd wording, etc.

April 13th, 1912

I poured all my love into that kiss. When Papa pulled back I looked at him with a shy gaze. He smiled softly. My emotions were running high and I needed to feel closer to him. Tears stung at my eyes again and I fought hard not to start crying. "Alessandro?" I whispered. I knew what I wanted. 

Papa touched my face gently. "What is it, my darling?" he asked. 

"Take me to bed," I replied, blinking and letting my tears fall. I bit my lip. "Make me feel good. I want this." 

Papa looked at me thoughtfully for a moment with a small smile on his lips before glancing away briefly. His smile widened when he looked back into my eyes. "Are you absolutely sure you're ready for this, Andrea?" Papa asked and his tone matched the softness in his gaze. "I don't want you jumping into something just because you're feeling depressed." 

I nodded. My heart was fluttering away in my chest but I wasn't overly anxious. There was also excitement and I needed to feel closer to him than ever before. "I am sure," I said. "I want to try again." 

My Pope reached for my chin and tilted my head. He brought his lips close to mine but didn't quite kiss me. "Promise me that you'll stop me if you can't handle it," he whispered, brushing against my lips with his. "Promise me, and I'll give you what you desire."

"I promise," I whispered back and Papa kissed me. The kiss was heated but also fueled by the love we held for one another. I ran my tongue along Papa's lips and he opened his mouth for me. Our tongues met and we circled them around each other. I moved my hands to Papa's back and started petting over his skin lightly. He moaned quietly into my mouth as I sucked on his tongue. 

Papa lifted a hand to my chest and found my nipple. He thumbed over it before pinching it lightly. I groaned, breaking the kiss as the sensation sent white-hot heat directly to my groin. My cock began to swell in my boxers. "Let us go back to the bedroom now, sweet Copia," Papa said as he rested his forehead against mine. I nodded in agreement, slightly breathless. He gave me a quick peck on the lips and pinched my nipple roughly. I yelped at the sharp pleasure. Papa got up off the arm of the chair, amusement in his dark eyes. "Come, my darling." He held a hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me to my feet, wrapping me in his arms and squeezing me tightly. 

When Papa pulled away, he retook my hand and guided me through the doorway and onto the bed. I sat down and watched as he stepped back to remove his boxers, sighing as his hard cock sprung free. He moved towards me again, pushing me down onto the bed. Papa grabbed the waistband of my boxers and pulled them off before standing and leaning over me. "Do you want me to go straight for it or would you like a little something else first?" He gently thrust his hips into mine. 

I moaned at the contact, my body shuddering slightly. "What did you have in mind, Alessandro?" I asked, gasping as we rocked our hips together. 

Papa kissed along my jaw and up to my ear. "Let me taste you again, Andrea," Papa whispered, his hot breath sending tingling sensations down my spine. He licked my ear and I shivered, giggling slightly. "Will you let me do that?" 

"Yes, Papa," I sighed as I felt his hand wrap around my erection. He stroked me slowly, drawing a low moan from my lips. I turned my head and kissed him deeply, taking my hand and gripping the base of his cock. 

We stroked each other for a few moments, kissing and gazing into each other's eyes. It was both intimate and romantic. 

My heart fluttered when Papa leaned down and sucked on my throat, creating a pale bruise. My free hand went to his head and tugged lightly on his silky black hair. I felt him smile against my neck and drag his teeth down my chest, forcing me to let go of his cock. 

I groaned as Papa sucked my left nipple into his mouth, circling and flicking his tongue around it. "Alessandro..." I whined. He rubbed the head of my cock and I shuddered, pleasure shocks making my tip leak. Papa pulled off my nipple with a sharp nip. I gasped. 

"Can I try something, Andrea?" Papa whispered, kissing down my stomach. 

"What do you want to try?" I asked, only slightly nervous. 

"Have you ever thought about being held down while I pleasure you?" Papa inquired, voice thick. I could tell that he very much liked this idea. 

I bit my lip and sighed quietly. "I haven't," I replied, deciding to stay truthful with him. "But I am okay with trying it." 

Papa looked up at me with wide glassy eyes and nodded. He brought his arm up and laid it across my chest, pressing down. The hold was firm enough to keep me in place but not enough to prevent me from getting out of it, should I choose to. “Good?” Papa asked.

“Yes, Papa,” I whispered, the idea of leaving him completely in control of my pleasure excited me. The heat between my legs ached in the most wonderful way. I tried lifting my hips up but found that I couldn't.

Papa smiled at me, laughing quietly. "My dear Andrea," he said, amusement in his tone. "I have no intentions of keeping you this way, just long enough for me to be satisfied that I've teased you enough." He continued his kissing until he reached my cock. 

Pressing a final soft kiss to my tip, Papa opened his mouth and swirled his tongue around the head of my cock. He took me into his mouth and sucked gently. I sighed and moaned quietly. Looking down, I watched as Papa started to bob his head, each time taking in more of my cock. My hand slid into his hair and I petted through the soft locks tenderly. My eyes slipped closed with a moan as he tongued directly underneath the underside of the head. 

Papa's free hand went to my balls and cupped them. He rolled them between his fingers and squeezed gently. "Ah fuck, Alessandro," I groaned, wiggling slightly. My cock twitched and pulsed. 

He pulled back, looking up at me with lust heavy eyes and smirking. His eyes stayed locked on mine as he licked his lips and stuck his tongue out, lapping up the precum running down the side of my shaft. Papa gave me a few more licks before taking me back into his mouth. His tongue slid over my slit and around my length. 

"Lucifer. Yes!" I moaned. I could feel the pressure building. My heart was pounding and I began panting. I whimpered desperately, I was close. Papa moaned and the vibrations made my nerve endings burn. He took me in deeper, swallowing and hollowing his cheeks. "Papa!" My head spun and I cried out as the pleasure finally released in waves of intense heat. 

Papa released his hold on me and pulled back, my cum squirting across his cheek. "I'm sorry, Alessandro," I panted, trembling from the aftershocks of my orgasm. 

Papa wiped my release from his face with the back of his hand, licking it clean after. "It's okay Andrea," he replied and then laughed lightly. "I'm going to have to pay a little closer attention to the sounds you make. You are not used to my teasing. It was too much for you, my darling." He crawled over me and kissed me. I broke it fairly quickly, not liking the way he tasted again. "My apologies. I had forgotten you don't enjoy the taste." He rolled beside me and pulled me close, pressing little open mouthed kisses to my shoulder. 

I whimpered and lightly trailed my hand down his chest to his hard and leaking cock. My fingers closed over the shaft and I began a firm but slow stroke. Papa sighed. 

"Do you still want to fuck me, Papa?" I asked, looking up at him. 

His eyes met mine. They were wide and dark with lust, but there was also a tenderness in them. "Is that something you still desire?" 

I nodded. "I do."

"I will fuck you, Andrea," he replied. "But I want to give you a little while to recover from what we just did. I want you hard while I fuck you." 

"How much time?" I asked, slightly disappointed. I did want to try this again and I wanted to try it soon.

"Not much, but you let me know when you're ready." Papa kissed me gently. "For now, we cuddle." 

I nodded and took my hand off his erection. He didn't protest. I laid my head down on his chest and took in a breath, letting myself relax and enjoy the post orgasm endorphins. 

~*~

After several minutes of laying in my Pope's arms, I turned to him and brought my hand up to his cheek. "I am ready, Alessandro," I whispered, tilting my head up and kissing him lightly. 

"You are sure you want to do this now, yes?" Papa asked when I broke the kiss. 

"Yes," I said. 

"We will do this the same way as before, Andrea," Papa whispered, pressing another kiss to my lips. "On your side for me," he ordered softly and I did as he asked, turning to face away from him. I didn't want to but I knew that one day I would be able to face him. For now, this was the best possible position for both of us. "Can you grab the lube for me from the table?" Papa asked quietly. 

I leaned forward and picked up the small bottle from the dressing table, handing it back to him. Just like before, Papa wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. "Touch yourself, my darling," Papa purred into my ear. "Stroke yourself hard for me." He licked my shoulder before kissing along the back of my neck. 

I shivered, goosebumps creeping up my back. I took my soft cock into my hand and squeezed gently. 

"You liked the feel of my fingers caressing your hole, Andrea, didn't you?" Papa rasped. I could feel him already hard again, pressing against my lower back. I groaned and the familiar heat of arousal started to ignite my senses. My cock hardened slightly in my grip. 

"Yes," I whispered. 

"Do you want me to touch you there again?" His lips latched onto the back of my neck and he sucked a bruise into my skin.

"Yes," I said again. It was practically a whine. "Please Alessandro. I want it this time." 

"Good," Papa whispered soothingly. "Very good." He rewarded my honesty with another bruise. I increased my stroking when I heard him open the lube. "Are you hard, Andrea?" 

"Not yet," I muttered. "Almost." I gave myself a firm squeeze and started to thumb over the head of my cock. I sighed as I swelled fully into my hand. "I'm ready." 

Papa kissed my shoulder tenderly and poured the lube onto his fingers. "You will tell me if I need to stop, yes?" 

"I will," I assured him. 

"Good," he replied. "Just like before, I'll let you get used to the sensation before I do anything more." I felt his slick fingertips slide between my ass cheeks and I sighed quietly. I did enjoy this. My skin there was extremely sensitive and my body reacted positively to his light touches. 

I moaned when Papa started rubbing his fingers against my hole. My cock twitched and started leaking. I palmed myself, coating my hand with my prerelease before teasing the tip. I sighed, closing my eyes and letting myself get lost to feeling of both my hand and Papa's fingers on me. 

After a few more minutes of caressing, I felt Papa press gently against my entrance. My breath hitched and I felt slightly anxious. His fingers stilled. "Are you alright, Andrea?" 

"I think so," I muttered, taking a deep breath and trying to relax. This what I've been wanting, I reminded myself. 

Papa pressed a soothing kiss to my shoulder. "Tell me if you need a moment or if you want me to stop altogether." 

I took another deep breath, squeezing my cock gently. I bit my lip before replying. "I am okay," I whispered. 

"May I continue?" Papa asked. 

"Yes, Alessandro." 

Papa circled my hole once more, making me shiver, before pressing against the tight ring of muscle. "Relax, Andrea," he whispered as he continued kissing my shoulder. "I will be gentle. I promise." He slipped a single finger into me and I whimpered at the foreign feeling. It wasn't the most comfortable sensation but it wasn't completely unpleasant. Still I tried to relax as best I could. I whimpered again as my hand faltered on my cock. 

Papa pulled his finger out and pushed it back in, this time a little further. "You're okay, my darling," Papa whispered, dropping his head onto my back. "I know this feels strange but it helps." 

"It's uncomfortable," I whispered. 

He stilled his movements again. "Do you want me to stop?" 

"No," I replied. "It's uncomfortable, yes, but I'm okay with it." I resumed my stroking, teasing the underside of my shaft, and I felt myself start to relax a bit more. 

"That's good, Andrea," Papa said, kissing the back of my neck. He started to move his finger in and out of me a bit faster. "You will feel less discomfort the more relaxed you are." 

He was right. I started to enjoy the feeling of his finger inside me. I moaned when he got deep enough to find the spot inside me that made my cock pulse and twitch when he pressed against it. "Alessandro…" Papa's name fell from my lips and I found myself pressing back into his hand. 

"You ready for another finger, my darling?" I could tell he was pleased with me, I could hear it in his voice. 

"Okay," I replied. My nerves were starting to fire off in the most delightful way. I increased the pace of my stroking, twisting my wrist around the head of my cock. 

Papa added a second finger and I gasped. It was slightly painful and more uncomfortable. "Papa," I whimpered. "Can you slow down a bit?"

"Of course, I can," he answered and immediately stopped pressing deeper into me. He did keep moving his fingers, letting me get used to the feeling at this depth. "Is this okay, Andrea?"

"Yes," I whispered. Papa curled his fingers and found my prostate again. I closed my eyes as I began to shake. "Papa...please. This feels so good." I had no idea what I was begging him to do. I wasn't sure I was going to cum again. All of this felt amazing but the intense burn refused to release. 

Papa removed his fingers from me. "Shift up, my darling," he whispered soothingly. "I think I know what you need." He helped me slide up further up the bed. "Stay on your side but bring your knees up." Papa reached behind my left knee and pulled it up towards my chest. I felt slightly exposed and I think he picked on it. "All of this makes it easier for you, Andrea," Papa said. "We can try other positions once I get you more comfortable." He reached for the blanket and pulled it over us. "Does this help?" 

I nodded, covering up did make me feel better. "It does, Alessandro," I said. I resumed stroking my cock, the strong desire to cum had waned but I was still very much aroused. My cock was still hard and leaking. 

Papa pushed himself up so that he could kiss me. It was short and sweet. "I'm going to keep my thrusts shallow. I won't go deep unless you want me to." He settled back down behind me and grabbed the bottle of lube. I groaned when I heard him stroking himself to coat his cock in the slick liquid. 

"Please try to stay relaxed, my darling," Papa whispered as he guided himself to my hole. "I'm going to go slow as this might hurt a bit." He pressed his tip against me and began a steady, shallow thrusting. 

I closed my eyes tight and bit my lip hard. I whimpered as it was both painful and pleasurable. I did tense but only slightly. "Is this too much for you?" Papa sighed, stopping for just a moment. I could tell he was biting back a moan. 

"No, Alessandro, I am adjusting," I muttered. With each slow and shallow thrust of Papa's hips the pain lessened and was replaced by a feeling of fullness. I moaned, liking the sensation. 

Papa groaned. "It has been too long." His hand went to my hip and he gripped me tight. "You are so tight, Andrea...so tight and warm…" At this point, Papa had me gasping in desperation. I pumped my hand over my cock, focusing on the feeling of having him move inside me. It was a feeling I very much loved. I started to tremble with need, the pleasure building within me. I began to cry, becoming overwhelmed with emotions. 

"Alessandro," I cried. "I can't…" 

I sobbed and Papa started a faster thrusting. He kept it shallow though, not pushing any deeper than his fingers had gone. I felt him press his body fully against mine and he reached around, covering my hand with his. 

Papa guided my hand and together we worked over my cock. "You're doing so wonderful, Andrea," he whispered soothingly, kissing my shoulder. "I know you can cum again. Will you do that for me? Will you cum for your Papa?" 

I moaned and Papa squeezed the head of cock, causing me tumble over that edge. My orgasm crashed into me and I cried out. "Alessandro," I sighed, saying his name over and over again. 

"Oh my fuck, Andrea. Sweet Satan, yes…" Papa moaned and with one final thrust, I felt his cock twitch and pulse inside of me, filling me with his release. 

We laid there for a long few moments, the only sounds in the room those of our heavy breathing. 

Papa spoke first. "Did you enjoy it that, my darling?" 

I hummed quietly. "Yes," I replied. It wasn't a lie. 

Papa placed his hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him. He smiled at me. "You did really well for your first time, Andrea. Especially after what happened yesterday." Papa kissed me gently. 

I sighed when he pulled away. "We should clean up," I said. 

"We should," he agreed. "Bath or shower?" 

"Bath," I replied. "I'm not ready to be out of your arms." 

Papa kissed me again. "Then a bath and afterwards, breakfast?"

I hummed. "I like that idea, Alessandro." 

"I do too." Papa pulled the blanket aside and climbed out of the bed. 

I got up and followed him into the bathroom.


	20. Studying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia learns about the ordainment ritual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had real issues writing this chapter and I don't care for it, but here it is. Short but I have an idea of where I'm going from here so I should have an easier time with this.

April 13th, 1912

After breakfast, Papa and I went up to the boat deck for a walk. The chill in the air was enough for me to need my coat and gloves but not enough to make me want to go back inside. Papa slipped his gloved hand into mine and squeezed gently. I smiled at him and made no attempt to pull away. "You're getting more comfortable with the public handholding, yes?" Papa asked. 

I nodded. "Yes, I don't get nervous anymore." 

"Would you be nervous if I kissed you out here?" I looked at him as my heart started beating faster. "I won't, if it does." 

"A little bit, I think," I replied. I was anxious but I felt I could control it. I looked around and saw that the boat deck was fairly empty. No one was paying us any attention. "You can kiss me though if you want, Alessandro." 

Papa smiled and stopped walking, he stepped directly in front of me and put his hands on my chest. He rested them there as he leaned in and kissed me gently. I moved my lips against his for a few moments before pulling away. 

I hadn't noticed that Papa had had his eyes closed, when he opened them I saw love and adoration in them. I smiled shyly at him and he ran his hands down my chest before dropping them at his sides. "That was nice," he whispered. 

"I like kissing you, Papa," I said. 

"I feel the same," he replied, moving back to my side and taking my hand again. We resumed our walking in silence, just enjoying each other's company. When we neared the aft grand started Papa spoke again. "Would you like to do some reading in the lounge, my darling? I am thinking about taking another swim." 

"I wouldn't mind doing that for a little while, yes," I said. I wished I had brought along the ritual book and I could have read that but there would be time for that later. "What time did you want me back at the stateroom?" 

Papa pulled out his pocket watch. "Oh, it's almost time for lunch." 

"If you want to skip it, that's fine, Alessandro," I replied. "We did just had breakfast." 

"Give me a few hours, yes?" 

"Yes that is okay, Papa.". 

"Very good," Papa replied. He turned to me and lowered his voice. "Can I kiss you again, Andrea?" He sounded excited.

I couldn't hold back a grin. It made me happy to know that I could excite Papa so much. I nodded and reached out, fisting my hand into his coat and pulling him against me.

Papa groaned and covered my lips with his own. We kissed hard for a moment before parting. "I like this new side of you, my darling," Papa whispered, a playfulness in his tone. 

"Only because there's no one else here," I whispered, blushing slightly. 

"Well in that case…" Papa kissed me again. 

"Alessandro," I muttered, blushing deeper. 

"Relax, Andrea," Papa said soothingly as he stepped back. "I will see you later, yes?" 

"Yes, Papa," I replied. He took my hand and squeezed it, giving me a quick peck on the cheek before heading back in the other direction. 

I pulled open the door to the aft grand staircase and headed to the first class lounge. Treasure Island was in the same spot I had left it, so I pulled it off the shelf and found a warm chair near the fireplace to settle into for a few hours. 

~*~

I must have lost track of time because I was suddenly startled by the sound of Papa's voice. "Enjoying yourself, sweet Copia?" he laughed, coming around to sit on the arm of my chair. 

"Of course I am," I replied. "You know I like to read." I closed the book and placed it in my lap.

He hummed in response. "I do." 

"Do you like to read, Papa?"

"Not as much as you," he replied thoughtfully. "I do read for pleasure every once in a while. Not often. I spent many years studying, I really do not enjoy reading as much as I used to." 

"What did you study?" I asked, intrigued. I just realized that I knew hardly anything about the personal life of the man I was in love with.

Papa shook his head. "My father would push me to learn many things. Some of which proved useful, the rest of it not so much." The way he spoke had me wondering if there was some resentment there. I could tell he didn't really want to talk about it right now so I didn't pry. 

I changed the subject. "Did you want to go back to the stateroom?" 

"You are welcome to stay here and read, my darling, if you wish," Papa replied. 

"When you left earlier I had wished that I had brought your ritual book with me," I said. "But If you don't want to go back to the stateroom, that's fine, Alessandro." 

"No, no," Papa said. "We can go back to the cabin." 

I stood up and he waited until I had returned the book before getting up off the arm of the chair. "Can I kiss you, Andrea?" Papa asked quietly as he turned to face me. 

I blushed, there were quite a few people in the lounge; mostly women and it made me nervous. I blushed slightly. "No, Alessandro," I whispered. "There's too many people around. I'm sorry." 

"No worries," he replied with a smile. "May I take your hand instead?"

"Yes," I said and offered it to him. It was less noticeable in a room full of people. Papa laced our fingers together and led me towards the aft exit. "Wait a moment." I remembered that we didn't have to go outside. "How is the temperature outside?" 

"Cold, why?" Papa looked at me, confused. 

"Let's go the other way," I said. "I'm not interested in going back outside." I turned and led him to the front of the room where we were able to exit into a hallway that led back to the grand staircase. 

When the door to Papa's suite closed, he wasted no time in putting his hands on me. His lips covered mine in a soft kiss as he caressed my back. I moaned quietly as Papa gently squeezed my hips and stepped away. "Tease," I muttered as he walked over to the writing table, picked up the ritual book, and brought it to me. 

Papa grinned at me. "I won't deny it, Andrea." He laughed. I shook my head in amusement and went to sit down on the couch. "I want you to start with the ordainment ritual," Papa said as he sat down next to me. He relaxed back into the couch and crossed his legs. 

I glanced at him before opening the book and flipping to the page with the ritual. 

The ceremony begins by casting a sacred circle, calling upon Satan and the Princes of Hell. Both the imitate and the High Priest are wearing ceremonial robes. The initiate is then blindfolded and bound to the High Priest with ceremonial rope. The initiate is guided into grounding meditation and drinks the ritual wine from the ritual chalice. Finally the High Priest and initiate engage in ritualistic sex to honor the initiate's eternal servitude to the Dark Lord. 

I looked up at Papa when I finished reading with slightly wide eyes. "Usually the ritual is performed by a high ranking clergy member of the opposite sex, but we make exceptions for those clergy members who are willing," he said calmly.

"And you're willing?" I asked, a little nervously. Even if he had mentioned it before I needed to make sure. 

Papa hummed lightly. "I am," he replied. He smiled. "There is also the matter of attire." He paused for a moment. "You do not have your ceremonial robes, yet. Unfortunately I cannot give them to you until you are ordained. These rituals are always performed with the initiate nude." 

I took a breath. "Can we do it privately?" 

"I will make an exception," Papa said. "Two witnesses are required for ordainment of Priests. However, I am very much aware of your anxiety regarding this, and I will remove the requirement." I nodded. "Do you still want to go through with the ritual?"

"I do," I replied. "But not at this exact moment." 

"I understand." Papa reached out and took my hand. "Are you alright, Andrea? I sense some of your anxiety."

I turned so that I could lay back against Papa. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head. I sighed and nuzzled his neck, giving the skin there a quick kiss. "I am now," I whispered. 

"Good," he whispered back.


	21. You Taught Me Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner and sexy times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited so sorry about that. My hours change at work next week so I should be able to bring you more frequent updates. (Maybe)

April 13th, 1912

Papa and I dressed for dinner and left the stateroom together. We sat down at our usual table and our waiter brought us the wine and menu. 

"What do you want to do tonight, my darling?" Papa asked as he filled my glass with the red liquid. There was a hint of playfulness in his voice. 

I rolled my eyes. "Isn't it obvious?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "I know what you want and I'm not going to say no, you know that. So why even bother to ask?"

"Are you implying that you don't want me to fuck you again tonight?" Papa laughed. 

I blushed. "To be honest, Alessandro, I'm a little sore. But I'm not against doing other things."

"I'm sorry you are sore, my darling," Papa said, and he sounded slightly upset. "I did not intend to leave you hurting." 

"I'll be okay," I replied. It was only a slight ache and I'm sure it would get better in a day or two. "It's not bad at all." 

"I am glad you are okay," Papa said, smiling slightly. He sipped his wine. "We don't have to have sexy times if you don't want to," he whispered. 

"We'll see, Alessandro," I muttered. Taking a few bites of my fillet mignon. We ate in silence for a few minutes. "Can I ask you something, Papa?" I said, my mind going back to what he had said in the library earlier. 

"You may," he replied with a grin. I think he thought that I was going to ask him to pleasure me. 

"When we were in the library earlier, you mentioned that you didn't like reading because you spent too much time studying. What did you study that made you hate it so much?"

Papa looked at me for a moment and I couldn't place his expression. "When my father realized what talents I possessed, he pushed me to get a higher education outside of what the church could provide. I knew he was conditioning me to one day become Papa, but I had no desire to study the ancient languages of the world. But I did as he asked and he kept pushing me." He paused and took a hearty drink of his wine. "I suppose that is why I rarely pick up a book for pleasure these days." Papa sighed. "I also never forgave my father for doing that to me." 

"Do you ever use that knowledge?" I asked. 

"Some of it," Papa admitted. "There have been times when my father would bring me a document written in Latin or another ancient language to translate. None of the other members of the clergy have the knowledge that I do." 

"You don't get along with your father, do you?" I had a feeling that this was true, the way Papa had spoke about him strongly suggested that I was correct. 

"No." The answer was short and I sensed that he didn't want to talk anymore about it. 

"I'm sorry," I replied. 

"Don't be," Papa said. "He is a bitter old man and I have no desire to have anything more than a professional relationship with him." 

"Is that why you agreed to go to New York?" I asked. 

"It is part of it, yes," he replied. Papa paused and reached across the table, taking my hand. "I am glad I did. If for nothing else, it led me to you." 

'I am glad too, Alessandro," I said. 

~*~

Later that evening, Papa and I were once again laying in the deck chairs on his promenade, covered with the blanket. It was cold again and Papa had his head on my shoulder, his arm wrapped around my waist. "Do you want some hot tea, Andrea?" Papa asked. "I'm thinking about sending a steward for some." 

"That would be nice," I replied, taking my hand and lightly running it up and down Papa's back. "Can you ask them to make it an herbal tea? I do not want caffeine this late." 

"Of course," Papa said. He pushed himself up and got out of his chair. "I'll be right back, my darling." He gave me a quick kiss. 

I sighed when he pulled away and walked back into the sitting room. Wrapping myself up tighter in the blanket, I pulled my legs up and turned onto my side, leaning back and closing my eyes. 

I hadn't been aware that I had fallen asleep until I felt Papa wrap his arms around me. He lifted me from the chair, and carried me inside. My arms went to his neck and I laid my head down on his shoulder. "I think maybe you should be in bed, Andrea." Papa laughed as he put me down on the couch in the sitting room. 

"I will go, if you come with me," I whispered.

Papa smiled playfully. "Is that an invitation?" He leaned over me, kissing me deeply. When he broke the kiss, Papa pulled the blanket aside, gently pushed my knees apart and crawled onto the couch between my legs. He settled on his knees and looked down at me. 

I smiled shyly back at him. "What kind of invitation are we talking about, Alessandro?" I replied, trying to flirt with him. I blushed instead. 

"You are too cute, my darling," Papa whispered, smiling again and capturing my lips in another kiss. His tongue found its way into my mouth and slid against mine. I felt Papa's fingers brush lightly down my chest. He stopped to tease a nipple through my dress shirt before continuing down to the front of my pants. 

I moaned and broke the kiss when Papa placed his palm flat against me. He didn't rub, leaving the weight of his hand there. "Teasing me, Papa?" I breathed, lifting my hips up slightly. 

"Always," he replied, only giving me some light pressure. He kissed down my throat, stopping at my shirt collar. "You're too overdressed for this." Papa removed his hand from my groin and brought it up to start undoing my shirt. As soon as it was undone, Papa latched his lips onto my collarbone and sucked, leaving my pale skin bruised. 

"Alessandro," I whimpered. 

"You bruise so beautifully for me, Andrea," Papa whispered as he soothed the ache with his tongue. I blushed at the praise and threaded a hand into his hair, pulling on it firmly. I brought his lips to mine and kissed him. 

I was suddenly startled by a knock at the door. I yelped, forgetting that Papa had sent a steward for tea. Papa sat back, standing up to adjust his clothing. I pulled the blanket back over myself, up to my chin. "We'll continue this in a minute, my darling," Papa whispered, heading to the door.

The steward placed the tray of tea on the writing table and asked us if we required anything else. We didn't. Papa politely dismissed him with a generous tip. 

I pushed myself up once Papa had closed the door. He turned around and I gave him a lopsided grin. "Should we go to the bed, Papa?" 

"No need," he replied, moving back over to the couch. "We will do this right here on the sofa." Papa grabbed the blanket and pulled it off me, dropping it to the floor. "Take your clothes off," he whispered gently. 

I did as he asked, watching as Papa undressed himself. I licked my lips, eyes locked on Papa's hard cock. "Do you like my cock, Andrea?" Papa purred, pushing me back against the side of the couch. He leaned over me, kissing me deeply and wrapping his hand around my shaft. I wasn't completely hard but would be in no time if Papa kept this up. 

"I do," I nodded, breaking the kiss. 

"Tell me what you want to do to it," he whispered, voice thick, as he licked down my neck.

"Can I-," I groaned as Papa squeezed me tightly. He let go of me and reached around, stroking my taint. I shivered, my cock twitching and swelling fully. "Alessandro…" I sighed as Papa pressed down on the spot that set my nerves on fire.

"What was that?" Papa asked with a smirk. 

"Can-" I sighed again but it was from embarrassment. 

"Use your words, my darling," Papa encouraged. "I can't know what you're thinking." He took my cock back into his hand and started stroking me. 

"I want…" Damn it, I thought. Why was this so hard? I knew what I wanted and I also knew that even if Papa were to turn me down (which I knew full well wasn't likely), he wouldn't be upset over it. 

"You know I don't judge, Andrea." Papa was kissing over my chest. "Tell your Papa what it is that you desire." 

"Let me taste you, Papa," I whispered quietly. My heart fluttered as I said it, from both arousal and nervousness. 

"You want me to teach you how to suck me off?" Papa smiled, rubbing the underside of the head of my cock. 

"Yes," I whined, desperately. I took in a sharp breath when he took my nipple into his mouth and nipped at it. 

"Okie, dokie," Papa laughed. He pulled back and let go of me, climbing off the couch and standing up. "Sit up, Andrea," Papa ordered quietly. I pushed myself up and turned to face him. "Good." He reached out and gently gripped my chin. He tilted my head up so that I was looking at him in the eyes. "As always, if you need to stop, let me know, yes?" 

"Yes, Alessandro," I replied. "I want to try this. I know I haven't reacted well to taste of myself when you kiss me, but I wish to try it and see." 

"We will try," Papa assured me. He let go of my chin and rested his hand on my shoulder. "Come closer. Shift to the edge of the seat." I did. "Very good. Comfortable?" 

I nodded. "Regardless of this position, I'm going to leave you in control," Papa said. "I will always leave you in control, unless you don't want me to. But for now, I need to make sure that you'll be okay. Understood?"

"Yes," I whispered. 

"You are ready, yes?" I nodded and Papa took ahold of his cock, stroking himself a few times. "Open your mouth for me, my darling," Papa whispered softly. 

I parted my lips and he pressed the head of his cock between them. I opened up further and Papa slipped just the tip in. The taste wasn't all that bad, I took my tongue and licked at his slit. Papa moaned quietly. 

The sound encouraged me to take him deeper. I sucked while circling around his shaft with my tongue. "That is good, real good, Andrea," Papa groaned and I felt his hand in my hair, gently petting over my scalp. It was a tender, soothing touch and I sighed. "Perhaps I don't need to instruct you at all."

I pulled off of Papa. Taking his cock into my fist instead. I stroked him firmly. "I learn best by reading but I'm also very quick to pick things up when I see or experience them. You did teach me this, Alessandro, by doing it to me." I put my hand around the base of his shaft, and took the head back into my mouth. He hummed, smiling down at me with lust filled eyes.

I started to bob my head, taking him deeper each time. Papa's hand was back in my hair, tugging slightly but not pushing me down. I got about half of his cock into my mouth before I felt the urge to gag. 

Papa must have noticed because he stepped back immediately, his hand cupping my cheek gently. "Okay?" he whispered. 

I nodded, my eyes had started to water but I wasn't crying. "I'm okay, Papa," I muttered, smiling shyly at him. 

"Again?" he asked. 

"Yes," I said, taking his cock into my hand and leaning forward. I stuck my tongue out and licked him, base to tip. Swirling my tongue around the head of his cock, I took it back into my mouth. I sucked and licked, stroking the rest of his length with my hand.

I kept my pace slow, not wanting to overwhelm myself. I couldn't take much more than half of Papa's length without gagging, he didn't seem to mind. It wasn't long before he was moaning and breathing heavily. I raised my hand and played with his balls, palming them and squeezing gently. 

"Fuck Andrea," Papa whined. "Yes...just like that." I was teasing the underside of his shaft with my tongue while sucking. I moaned and felt Papa's cock twitch in my mouth. "Lucifer, you're good at this." 

I continued my actions, bobbing my head and stroking him in a fast rhythm. Papa was groaning and muttering to himself, his eyes were closed and he gripped my hair tightly.

I moaned again and Papa pulled back suddenly, his cock began to pulse. With a loud sigh, he came into my hand. "Andrea…" my name fell from his lips in a low groan. I smiled and looked up at him. I saw love and adoration in his dark, glassy eyes. It made my heart swell and tears stung at my eyes.

It was the first time I had made him cum on my own without his help.


	22. Curing Your Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia wakes up sick. Papa takes care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to split this chapter into two so that's it's easier on you guys. Hopefully will have more soon.

April 14th, 1912

It was late morning but I didn't want to get out of bed. Papa was fast asleep under me and I wasn't feeling very well. I was nauseous with a pounding headache. Most often my migraines developed during the day, but sometimes I would wake with them. When I did, I knew I was going to have a rough day. I wished for sleep to claim me once again in the hope that when I awoke again the pain would be gone.

I knew that was unlikely to happen because I had already been laying here for a good hour or so. I hadn't moved, both because I didn't want to wake Papa and because I was afraid of throwing up if I changed positions. 

Part of me wanted Papa awake so that he could comfort me, but I also knew he would likely obsess over me and I didn't want him worrying. 

I closed my eyes again and kept still, trying to will the nausea away. If it got any worse I would have to sit up and hope that I didn't throw up. I was glad that I had Papa's body warmth, I'd be trembling otherwise. I did have chills but laying with him helped. 

How much longer I stayed like this I wasn't sure. I didn't fall back to sleep, the pain in my head being too much. Eventually I felt Papa shift slightly. He brought his hand to my head and petted over my hair gently. I whimpered at the comforting touch. 

"I didn't expect to find you still in bed, Andrea," Papa whispered. "Everything alright?" He moved again, shifting up so that he could lean back against the headboard. I whimpered again as I was forced to lift my head. It made it spin and my nausea flared. 

"Please don't move again," I muttered, pressing my head into his chest. The pressure helped. 

Papa frowned down at me. "What's wrong, my darling?" 

"I am not well, Alessandro," I replied. "I woke up with a migraine." I sighed.

Papa wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. "Is there anything I can do? Do you need me to get you anything?"

"No," I whispered. "Just stay here and keep me warm." The blanket had slipped down, Papa grabbed it and pulled it up, wrapping it around me. His hand went back to petting over my head.

"Does this hurt you? If it does I'll stop." 

"No, Alessandro." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "It helps a bit." 

"Good," Papa whispered. "We will stay right here in bed all day if that's what you need." 

"Thank you." I didn't know if I would need to be in bed all day, but I knew that he would stay if that was the case. Eventually both of us would have to eat but I would deal with that later. For now I would let him hold me and hope that the pain would lessen some. 

"You should try and sleep some more, my darling," Papa said, finding my hand and lacing our fingers together. 

"I've tried," I said. "I've been awake for a while. It hurts too much." 

"Did you bring any painkillers with you?" 

"No," I whispered, really wishing I had. I sighed as my nausea flared, turning my head and gagging. Thankfully nothing came up. I didn't believe that there was anything to come up, but still I pushed myself into a seated position. It helped with the nausea. It didn't help with the pain. My head spun and I swayed, even though I wasn't moving. 

Papa gripped my shoulder. "Lay back down, Andrea," he said gently. 

"You're asking me to choose between the pain and the nausea, Alessandro,' I replied. "I don't know which one is worse." 

Papa looked at me, concern in his beautiful mismatched eyes. "I may be able to help you with the nausea," he said. "I'm assuming I could send for some ginger tea." I relaxed slightly as he wrapped his arms around my waist. He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. I shivered at the feel of his warm lips on my skin. "Would you like some ginger tea, my darling?" 

"Okay, Papa,' I whispered, leaning back into him. 

He gripped my shoulders and gently pushed me off of him. "I'll be right back, I promise," Papa said when I whimpered. "This will only take a few minutes." He moved around me, sliding out of the bed. 

I laid back down, slowly, and Papa covered me with the blanket. He kissed me lightly before putting on his purple dressing gown. "Please hurry, Alessandro," I whispered, already missing him. 

"I will," he assured me. Kissing me once more but letting this one linger a few moments longer. He pulled back when my lips started to tremble and tears filled my eyes. "Please don't cry, Andrea." Papa sounded upset. "I want to make you feel better." 

"I know," I replied, voice shaking. "I'll be okay." I managed a small smile. 

"Do you want another kiss before I go?" 

"Yes." Papa smiled back at me and kissed me a third time. His hand cupped my cheek as he pulled away. 

"A few minutes, my darling. I promise," he whispered before turning and exiting the bedroom. 

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, it calmed me and helped with the sick feeling. Unfortunately I wasn't able to stop the chills and I started shaking violently beneath the blanket. I was warm but still felt cold. I briefly wondered if I had a fever but knew that migraines didn't cause them.

I had exhausted myself physically from the constant trembling by the time Papa returned. I was clinging to consciousness, yet unable to fall asleep. "Andrea," Papa whispered softly. I felt his hand on my shoulder. I forced my eyes open, they were heavy-lidded when I looked up at him. "Darling, I spoke with a steward who informed me that there is an infirmary on board. I think that might be your best option." I groaned quietly. I did not enjoy having to go to hospitals or even doctors. 

"Did you ask for the tea?" I said, ignoring what he had just said. 

"Yes," he replied slowly. "I really think-"

"No," I said and it sounded cold. I hadn't meant to be mean, just firm. I sighed. "Let me try the tea first, Alessandro." 

"It's not going to help your pain," he said. "I have a feeling the nausea is caused by the headache." Papa paused for a moment, looking me over. "Along with the chills." 

I said nothing, turning onto my side and curling up. My urge to cry was getting stronger but it wasn't fueled by physical pain. I was afraid I had upset him. My breath hitched and I started crying. 

"Andrea…" Papa whispered gently. He sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry if I upset you. I'm just trying to help." 

"Are you mad at me, Papa?" I whimpered, tears running down my face. 

"I'm not angry with you, my darling," he replied. "I am upset that you are sick. But I am not upset with you." Papa cupped my cheek and wiped my tears away with his thumb. "Do you cry from the pain?" 

I took a shaky breath and squeezed my eyes shut. If I kept crying my head felt like would explode. "No, Alessandro," I whispered. "I didn't want you to be mad at me."

Papa smiled slightly at me and laid down on top of the blanket by my side. "I'm not mad," he said, kissing my forehead. "Please stop your crying, Andrea. I don't like seeing you like this." 

I looked at Papa through blurry eyes, fighting the urge to cry for an entirely different reason. I pulled my hands out from under the blanket and reached for him. I fisted my fingers into the front of his dressing gown and pulled him against me, kissing him hard. The pain in my head be damned, I needed to feel his lips on mine. 

Papa kissed me back, although gently. I think he was afraid of aggravating my migraine. I ran my tongue along his lips and Papa opened his mouth for me. Papa sucked my tongue into his mouth. His hands moved down my chest, lightly tracing over my skin. My eyes slipped closed and I moaned quietly.

Papa pulled away and smiled at me. "Better?" he asked quietly. 

I nodded, no longer crying. "I love you, Papa," I whispered, reaching up and caressing his cheek. 

"I love you too," he replied, giving me another kiss. 

I broke the kiss when I heard a knock at the door in the other room. Papa got up and went to go let the steward in. 

"Do you want to come out to the sitting room to have your tea, Andrea?" Papa stood in the doorway. "The lovely gentleman also brought us some food and medicine for you."

"Okay, Alessandro," I said, pushing myself up. I stopped and squeezed my eyes shut as the pain intensified for a moment. Papa was right there at my side. He helped me to my feet and into the sitting room. 

Papa set me down on the couch and covered me the blanket that we had left on the floor last night. "Would you like me to turn on the fireplace?" Papa asked. 

"It's not necessary," I said. "The tea and meds will help." 

He nodded, moving over to the writing table and picking up a cup of tea and the bottle of pain medication. "Can I sit with you?" Papa asked, handing me the tea. He took some fruit and a sandwich off the tray for himself. 

"Yes, of course." I shifted so that he could sit down. 

Papa popped open the medication bottle and handed me a pill. "Do you want two?" 

"What is it?" 

"Codeine," Papa replied. 

"I'll take two, yes." If it had been morphine, I would have turned down the second pill. As it was, I would likely still have to spend the rest of my day on the couch or in bed. 

"Later, when you are feeling better, I would like to take you to the La A Carte for either lunch or dinner." Papa leaned back and crossed his legs, taking a sip of tea and eating a strawberry. 

"I don't think I'll be wanting to go out today," I replied. "Once these meds kick in I will likely want to sleep. But if you want to go out, I won't stop you." 

"I will stay here for now," Papa said and laid a hand on my thigh. 

I looked over at him. "Can you hold me, Alessandro?" I whispered. 

Papa hummed and nodded, shifting so that he was laying back against the side of the couch. "Come here, my darling. Your Papa will hold you." 

I got up, careful not to spill my tea, and moved over to lay down on him. We stayed half sitting so that we could drink our tea. 

Once I finished my cup, I leaned over and set it down on the table. Papa wrapped his arms around me and I put my head down on his shoulder, pressing a kiss to his neck. "I hope you don't mind if I fall asleep," I whispered. The medication hadn't quite kicked in but I was relaxed and content. 

"If you need to sleep, I won't complain, Andrea," Papa replied quietly. "If I need you to move, I will ask." 

"Okay, Papa," I said, closing my eyes. The nausea was better but the pain was still intense. 

I wasn't sure how long it took before sleep claimed me. But it did eventually. I fell asleep listening to the beat of Papa's heart and his calming steady breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was curious, opioids were the choice pain reliever in the late 1800s early 1900s.


	23. Under the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia and Papa share a walk under the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit short but this is my second update tonight. It's romantic as all hell. You can thank the band Nightwish for this one. I was listening to their song Come Cover Me while writing it. One more chapter before the iceberg and it will be just as romantic and sexy. I hope to have it up tomorrow but don't hold me to that.

April 14th, 1912

The night sky was clear and dark. There was no moon, only the stars sparkling brightly above us. It was cold, but thankfully there was no wind, keeping the air around us still. Looking out at the sea, it appeared smooth as glass and black as the night sky. Despite the temperature, it was a perfect scene for a nighttime stroll. 

Papa had let me sleep with him on the couch until around dinner, at which time he woke me to ask if I would like to eat. I agreed, but only because I felt too weak from not eating anything during the day. He had ended up requesting that food be brought to us, since I was unable to get off the couch. 

After eating and taking more medication I was feeling better. I wasn't to the point where I was completely back to normal but I was at least feeling well enough to get up and move around the cabin. 

Not long after, Papa asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him on the boat deck. I knew it would be cold but I didn't want to continue to sit around inside. Papa had dressed me in a warm winter coat of his, complete with a thick scarf and warm black leather gloves. 

I leaned against the railing on the starboard side of the ship, facing Papa. He was standing, facing the sea and looking out over the horizon. "Earlier when I was out looking for a steward to bring us our dinner, I heard them talking about icebergs in the area," he said with a small frown. 

"And you're out here looking for them yourself?" I asked. 

Papa shrugged. "I just thought maybe I might get to see one." He turned to me. "Perhaps it is a good thing there are none." 

"You don't think they will cause a problem?" I said, as an odd feeling of dread came over me. I shivered. 

"Unlikely," Papa replied. "A ship as big as this won't be heavily damaged from a collision. If that were to even happen. They will see it in time, I'm sure."

I glanced over at the lifeboat off to the side. Something seemed off. It wasn't the first time I was thinking about this. A few times before I had wondered why there were so few of them for so many passengers. "I've noticed something strange, Alessandro, about the lifeboats," I said. "There doesn't seem to be enough." 

"I believe they have the correct number as required by law," Papa said. "An unsinkable ship does not require any extra boats." 

I turned to look out over the ocean, biting my lip. He was probably right but I couldn't quite shake that sense of dread. I saw nothing on the horizon so for now, I could try to relax and forget about that feeling. 

Papa rubbed my shoulder soothingly. "Forget about the lifeboats, my darling," he said. "Let's just enjoy this walk under the stars, yes?"

"Okay, Papa," I replied, smiling slightly. I was still feeling slightly apprehensive but would be fine. 

Papa slid his hand down my arm and took my hand in his. "There is no need to worry my dear Copia." He smiled at me, squeezing the hand he held. 

He led me away from the rail and we continued our walk. There were other couples out as well. They paid us no mind and I was starting to wonder if Papa had been right when he had told me that no one would dare say anything to us. Still, my anxiety kept me from doing anything more than holding his hand when in the presence of strangers. 

I tilted my head up to look at the sky. I had always loved the stars, night walks were my favorite. Often I would find myself wishing that I could share my love of these walks with another. Long ago I had given up on that dream. It was hard for me to imagine that I was finally given the chance. 

I swallowed as I was hit with a mix of emotions. Damn my mind for thinking about this now. I looked over at Papa. He was glancing around the deck, a look of contentment on his face. When his eyes caught mine, I fought back tears. 

I watched as Papa's gaze softened. "Why do you cry, Andrea?" he asked quietly. 

"I don't know, Alessandro," I replied, sighing. I wasn't sure I wanted to tell him. 

"Are you feeling okay?" He stopped walking and led me over to a pair of deck chairs. 

"I am not hurting," I said, the tears rolling down my cheeks stung from the cold. I wiped them away with the back of my gloved hand. We sat down and Papa took both my hands in his. He didn't say anything, not pushing me for an answer. He sat with me while I silently cried, holding my hands. I loved how patient he was with me. "I think I'm starting to realize just how lucky I am," I whispered. 

Papa smiled at me, tilting his head slightly, and I blushed. The way he was looking at me made my heart flutter. "I've often thought the same," Papa replied. "At first, I did not think I was going to be successful in my attempt to gain your affections. I was quite surprised when you reacted so positively." 

"It is hard to resist you, Papa," I said, blushing. "Before, I had given up on certain experiences because I thought I would not have anyone to share them with." I paused as more tears ran down my cheeks. My heart started to ache but it was from feeling his love for me. "Now I do...that is why I cry." 

"Is this one of those experiences?" Papa asked quietly. He leaned close to me, his face inches away from mine. 

"Yes," I whispered, taking in a deep breath. The cold air burned my lungs. My heart rate increased as Papa closed the distance between us and kissed me gently. 

It was quick and when he pulled back I looked around. We were alone. My tears flowed more freely now. Papa stood up and extended a hand to me. "Come with me, my darling," he said, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. "I know what you need." Papa gave me a suggestive smile. 

"I'm not protesting," I said, voice hitching from my crying. "But can we prolong this walk a little bit? I'm not quite ready for it to be over." 

"Yes, of course, Andrea," Papa replied. "If romance is what you want, I will give it to you." He squeezed my hands. "Now that it is getting late and we are alone out here, can I kiss you again?" 

"Yes," I said. 

Papa immediately covered my lips with his own in a deep and passionate kiss.


	24. Firelight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa and Copia share one last intimate moment before disaster strikes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, this will be the last of the smut for this story. All plot from here on out. Plot and angst. Lots of angst. But I should be able to add in a few more romantic moments.

April 14th, 1912

It was nearing 11 PM when Papa and I returned to his suite. The temperature had dropped too far for my liking and I had started to shiver. 

I sat down on the couch in the sitting room and watched as Papa moved about the room. He walked over to the fireplace and switched it on before heading into the spare bedroom and returning with an armful of pillows. He dropped them onto the floor before going back and retrieving another blanket. 

"Take the coat off, Andrea," Papa said as he arranged the blankets and pillows on the floor. "We will cuddle on the floor here in front of the fireplace. You will warm up quickly." 

Papa undressed himself down to his boxers and crawled under the blanket, laying down on the pillows. I did the same, although I was shaking by the time I was nearly naked. 

"You're trembling, come lay with me, darling." Papa pulled the blanket aside so that I could crawl underneath it. I did so quickly, desperate for both his touch and warmth. I had barely put my head down when Papa wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. My head moved to his shoulder and he held me until I was warm enough to stop shaking.

I sighed as I felt Papa press a kiss to the top of my head. "Are you warm enough, Andrea?"

I hummed quietly. "I am," I replied, smiling up at him. I lifted my head and tilted it upwards so that I could kiss him. 

Papa brought a hand up to my face and cupped my cheek as he deepened the kiss. I slid my tongue against his, whimpering quietly when Papa pushed me onto my back. He never broke the kiss, sucking on my tongue as he rolled to hover above me. 

Papa pulled away with a tug on my bottom lip. "Are you feeling well enough for this?" he asked, voice already laced with desire. 

"Yes," I breathed, reaching up and threading my hand into his dark silky hair. Papa locked eyes with me for a moment before dropping his head and kissing me again. 

He rolled his hips down into mine. I moaned, closing my eyes and shivering, as a jolt of pleasure went straight to my groin. My cock twitched and started to swell. "Papa…" I sighed. His fingers found my nipple and pinched it. 

I was already so sensitive, my body responding quickly to his touches. Goosebumps shot up my spine as Papa lightly trailed his hand down my chest. 

I reached up wrapping my arms his back, caressing and then scratching over his skin. Papa kissed along my jaw. "I want you to do something for me, Andrea," Papa whispered. He licked my ear before nipping at it. I yelped quietly at the sharp pinch but relaxed once he soothed it. 

I swallowed, taking in a breath as my heart started racing. "What is it, Alessandro?" I asked, voice wavering. 

"I want you to fuck me," Papa replied, sucking a bruise into my neck. I moaned quietly and he thrust his hips against mine again. 

"Are you sure?" I wasn't too sure but would try it if that's what he wanted. The idea excited me but the fact that I had no idea what I was doing scared me slightly. 

"I am sure," Papa said, a little breathless. We had found a rhythm with our hips that left us both groaning in pleasure. "Unless you aren't, then we will do something else." 

"No, I am willing to give it a go." My breath hitched as I spread my legs slightly. Papa placed a knee between them and pushed his leg up against me. I moaned at the slightly rough contact. The heat of my arousal intensified and I started to grind myself against him.

"Andrea…" Papa groaned when I took his nipple between my fingers and pinched it hard. I moved my hand to the front of his boxers and palmed him through the damp silky material. "Yes, just like that…" Papa moaned as I thumbed over the head of his cock, rubbing back and forth. "Fuck Andrea, take my cock out." I worked my hand into his boxers and wrapped it around Papa's shaft, freeing him from the confining material. 

I started a slow stroke, making sure to coat my hand with his prerelease. Papa sighed, closing his eyes and dropping his head back. 

My own cock strained hard against my boxers. The pressure was almost unbearable. "Alessandro," I whined. "Please…" I lifted my hips off the floor, pushing against his leg. 

Papa opened his eyes and looked down at me, giving me a lopsided smile. "Do you want me to touch you, Andrea?" 

"Yes," I whimpered. "Fuck yes." He grinned and reached for the waistband of my boxers, pulling them down. 

"Lift your hips for me," Papa whispered gently. I did as he asked, sighing when my cock sprung free of its confines. He moved away once my boxers were removed, standing and taking off his as well. "I'll be right back," he said, going into the bedroom and bringing back the bottle of lube. 

"How do you want to do this, Alessandro?" I asked as he lay back down, taking my cock into his hand and squeezing me gently. I reached for his and began stroking him lazily. 

"Slow," Papa replied, grinning at me and dipping his head down to kiss me. "There is no rush, my darling. We will make proper love tonight in front of the fire." He dragged his lips down my neck, licking over my pulse. I sighed and turned my head, latching onto his neck. I sucked hard, leaving a red bruise. Papa moaned quietly when I soothed the spot with my tongue. I felt his grip tighten on my cock and he began a faster stroking, twisting his hand over the head every few strokes. My cock began to throb and leak heavily. 

"Alessandro," I groaned, lifting my hips up.

I palmed over the head Papa's cock before closing my fist around his shaft. I stroked him roughly a few times before slowing down, thumbing along the underside. 

"Lucifer, fuck...Andrea," Papa whimpered. "You're so perfect, my darling…" 

I blushed at the praise. "You think so, Papa?" I asked shyly, thrusting my hips into his hand. 

Papa hummed, nodding. "I know so," he replied. "So beautiful...so perfect...my Andrea…" He kissed me in between his words of endearment. With the last kiss, I reached up and put my hand on the back of his head holding his lips on mine. My fingers gripped his hair tightly. We moaned together and I shuddered in pleasure as Papa teased the sensitive underside of the head of my cock. 

"Let me fuck you now, Alessandro," I begged when we finally broke the kiss. I was breathing heavily, my cock throbbing with need. 

"Is that what you crave, my darling?" Papa looked down at me. His pupils wide and dark with lust. 

"Yes," I whined. 

Papa leaned over me, breath hot on my ear. "I do too," he whispered, voice thick. "I want to feel that beautifully thick cock of yours filling me." His hot, wet tongue traced over the shell of my ear. I moaned deeply as I started to tremble with desire. Papa kissed me once more before pulling back. "Get on your knees for me Andrea," he whispered, moving so that he could lay on his back. "I'll show you how to do this another way." 

I pushed myself up and crawled between Papa’s legs when he spread them for me. Sitting back on my knees, I waited for his next instruction. “Take the lube,” Papa said. “I want you to finger me first.” 

“Yes, Papa,” I replied. My hands were shaking but I wasn’t nervous. I gripped the small bottle and opened it. Papa shifted, lifting up his hips and resting his ass in my lap, placing his legs on either side of me. He wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking himself slowly. 

I slicked my fingers up and slipped them between his ass cheeks, rubbing up and down to coat him in the slippery liquid. Papa groaned as I circled his hole, thumbing over the head of his cock. Dropping my gaze, I met his eyes as I pressed a single finger to his entrance. “Use two fingers,” Papa whispered and I could tell he was lost to his lust. “I can take it, Andrea. Do not worry. You won’t hurt me. Please...” 

This was a completely different experience, having Papa underneath me, begging me to fuck him. I had thought about fucking him a couple of times but I had never imagined it like this. He was giving me almost complete control over his pleasure, something I didn’t expect him to relinquish so early in our relationship. 

I smiled shyly at him, still slightly unsure. “I trust you, Andrea,” Papa said. “Do not be afraid to be rough with me either. Remember what I told you before?” He grinned at me. “I like it rough.” Papa pushed himself back against my hand. “Now, go on,” he whispered. “We both want this, yes?”

I laughed slightly. “Yes,” I replied. I bent down and kissed him deeply, slipping two fingers into his hole.

Papa gasped and broke the kiss, closing his eyes and arching his body upwards. “Yes…” he hissed. I watched him squeeze his cock roughly as I began to move my fingers in and out of him, pushing deeper each time. Papa began to tremble underneath me, sighing as I fingered his ass. I kissed him again and he reached up, pinching my nipple, and rolling it between his fingers. After a few moments, he broke the kiss by gently pushing me back. “Lube yourself up, my darling,” Papa said, voice low and thick. “I’m ready for you.” 

I sat back and grabbed the bottle once more, pouring a good amount onto my fingers. I rubbed my hands together before taking my fingers and wrapping them around my cock. Sighing, I closed my eyes as I started to stroke myself to coat my cock in the slick. 

Papa moaned at the sounds of my wet stroking and I opened my eyes to look down at him. “Take my knee, Andrea,” he said, lifting up. “Put it over your shoulder for me.” I gripped his calf and helped him guide his leg over my right shoulder. Papa shifted closer to me, forcing his legs further apart so that he was pressing up against me. He looked up at me. “Are you ready for me?” He gave me a playful smile. 

I nodded, biting my lip and taking my cock into my hand. I guided myself to his entrance and slowly pushed myself into him. The feeling wasn’t something I could have described in the moment. It felt exceptionally exquisite. Papa was so soft, warm, and tight around me. I moaned low and deep as I sank deeper into him. 

Papa let out a groan, pushing back against me, forcing me to take him fully. “Fuck you’re thick, Andrea…” he sighed. “You feel so good though…” My legs were shaking, the feeling of having Papa squeezed so tightly around me made me weak with desire. My heart pounded and the heat in my groin throbbed. 

It wasn’t long before I felt the need to start moving. My hands went to Papa’s hips and I held onto them. “Okay?” I asked him as I looked down and smiled shyly. Papa nodded and I pulled out of him, thrusting back in gently. My pace was slow, part of me was afraid of hurting him, the other part afraid that I wouldn’t last if I went any faster. “Papa…” I sighed, watching him stroke himself in time with my thrusting. 

“Fuck me harder, darling,” he whispered. I gave him a few harder thrusts and my cock twitched inside him as I felt the heat of my orgasm building. 

My hands tightened on his hips and my rhythm faltered. “Alessandro,” I cried. “I’m sorry...I’m not going to last...I’m so close.” I bit my lip and slowed my movements in an attempt to keep myself from cumming. 

“It’s okay,” Papa whispered soothingly. He brought his hand up and caressed my cheek. “I know how good this feels. You can cum if you need to.” He moved his thumb over my lips and I sucked it into my mouth, moving my hips faster again. I slammed into him, both of us moaning and muttering obscenities. It only took a few more times before I felt my tension release. I cried out Papa’s name as my orgasm washed over me in wave after wave of intense pleasure. 

I didn’t stop my thrusting, continuing to fuck him through my orgasm. It made it that much more pleasurable. My body was overwhelmed with sensation and I knew I was going soft fast. 

Papa had his cock in his fist and was working himself quickly. I pulled out of him, taking my hand and stroking along his taint. I palmed his balls and squeezed them gently. That was all my Pope needed to crash over the ledge. I watched as Papa’s eyes fell closed, his body arched against mine and he came into his hand. 

He collapsed against me and I helped him lower his leg from my shoulder. I laid down next to him on the floor. “Should I go start us a bath?” I asked quietly once we had both caught our breath. 

Papa shook his head. “Just get a wet cloth, or two,” he whispered. “I wish to stay here for a little bit longer. We can take a bath in a little while.” 

I nodded and pushed myself up on my wobbly legs. I was still shaking from my orgasm. I went into the bathroom and got two wet cloths to clean up with. When I returned to the sitting room, I handed one to Papa and we cleaned ourselves up. 

“Lay down with me, Andrea,” Papa said as he tossed his cloth off to the side. “I desire to cuddle.” I dropped my cloth on top of his and climbed under the blanket with him. We kissed tenderly for a few minutes.

When I pulled away Papa reached for me and took me into his arms as I laid my head down on his chest. The room around us was dark, save for the light of the fireplace. The fake flames casting an orange and yellow glow throughout the room, I watched them dance around the shadows created by the furniture. 

Sighing, I hugged Papa close and let my eyes slip closed for a few moments. He pressed a loving kiss to my forehead. When I opened them I felt a small shudder go through the ship. Almost like a vibration. It lasted only a few seconds but it made my heart pound as I knew something wasn’t right. 

“What was that, Papa?” I asked, afraid, as I lifted my head from his chest to look into his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't say when I'll have the next chapter done. It should be up in a couple of days at the latest.


	25. It's Not Unsinkable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia has a panic attack and then realizes Papa is withholding information from him after speaking with the ship's crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update but it sets the stage for the main plot. The timeline in this seems short but it really isn't. In reality between the time that the ship hit the iceberg and when the Captain ordered the passengers up to the lifeboats was only approximately 20 minutes.

April 14th, 1912 - April 15th, 1912

Papa shook his head. "I don't know, Andrea," he whispered. 

The distant hum of the engines underneath us was the only thing that provided a sense of comfort. We were still moving. 

A sudden horrible scraping sound filled my ears. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard. I shuddered, taking in a sharp breath as I tried not to panic. Papa sat up and grabbed his dressing gown. 

And then it was gone. The scraping sound, the hum of the engines. All of it was gone. It was dead silent in the room as I held my breath. 

"I'll be right back," Papa said, tone flat, as he moved past me. "Stay here." I watched as he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. 

I let out the breath I had been holding in and collapsed back onto the pile of pillows. My mind went to the conversation Papa and I had had earlier this evening, about the iceberg and the lifeboats. What if we had hit one? I couldn't stop the panic. My breathing quickened and I felt my heart flutter as the sense of dread hit me. I fought the urge to get up and go after Papa. I knew he was looking for someone who could tell us what happened but I needed him here. 

My eyes fell closed and I sucked in a few deep breaths, reminding myself to try and stay calm. This wasn’t likely much of anything, and this ship was unsinkable after all. Regardless, of my attempt at trying to convince myself of these things, the panic continued. Within a few seconds I was gasping for breath, my chest felt tight and I was in tears. I turned onto my side, curling up and pulling the blanket tightly around myself. It was the only thing I had to comfort me in that moment. My tears turned to sobs and I cried into my pillow.

I don’t know how long it was before Papa returned. It could have been hours for all I knew, realistically had only been minutes. The door to the sitting room opened but I paid him no mind, still in my state of panicked crying. By this point, I just wanted to stay there on the floor. 

I felt Papa kneel down next to me. “Andrea,” he whispered. “I need you to get up.” I didn’t look at him, I could tell from the tone of his voice that this wasn’t good news. The fact that he didn’t address my crying first told me that things were bad. 

“No,” I protested, refusing to move. Normally my anxiety would have me wanting to run but those were only in situations where I felt uncomfortable or sensed danger. I felt neither of those at the moment. Yes, the fact that the engines had stopped and that there had been that terrible noise. I had no other indication that I wasn’t safe. I felt safe. The ship was still lit up and I heard no sounds of panic coming from the hallway. Papa was just a little worried, just like I was. That is what I told myself. The ship was safe and warm. It had to be because I couldn’t handle the thought that it might not be.

I heard Papa take a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. “Andrea…” he tried again. 

“No,” I repeated through my tears. 

“Please don’t argue with me, my darling,” Papa whispered. He reached out and pulled the blanket down so that he could take my arm. His grip was tight as he tried to pull me to my feet.

I yanked my arm out of his grasp and turned over, away from him. “Leave me alone, Alessandro,” I said, slightly irritated with him.

Papa sighed again and stood up. I thought I heard him mutter something along the lines of ‘fine’ but I didn’t care. I buried my face into the pillow and cried harder. Papa walked out of the sitting room and into the bedroom. He was in there for several minutes and I only assumed it was because he was getting dressed. 

I was right when he emerged from the room completely clothed. He collected our heavy winter clothes from the floor of the sitting room and set them down the couch. Papa sat down in the chair beside where I was laying and looked down at me. “I’m not going to allow you to stay there on the floor,” he said. 

“Is it because it’s the floor?” I asked through the pillow. 

“No,” Papa replied simply. He was still using that emotionless tone and it bothered me. 

I groaned as I felt a twinge of pain in my head. I couldn’t stay like this, crying. My migraine would come back quickly. My brain was already warning me of it. “Why?” I whined. “What’s going on, Alessandro?” I finally lifted my gaze. 

“Nothing serious, Andrea,” Papa said, and his eyes betrayed him. I saw a very brief flash of fear in them. 

“Do not lie to me, Papa,” I said, bringing a hand up to my forehead and rubbing where the pain was. “I saw the fear in your eyes. Something is not right.” 

Papa looked from me to the window and then back again. “The sound we heard,” he started. He was trying hard to hide his expressions. “It was an iceberg.” He paused as I’m sure he saw the look on face. I started to cry all over again, as a million thoughts started to race through my brain. My head pounded in protest. “We have stopped while they assess the damage to the ship.”

“So what do we do now?” I asked quietly. I don’t think I had any panic left in me, I felt oddly calm. I pushed myself up, ignoring the pain in my head. 

“We wait,” Papa said. “But I really need you to listen to me, Andrea.” I heard a firmness in his tone and for some reason, I didn’t fully believe that he was telling me the whole truth. 

I sighed. I knew he was right. "Yeah okay, Alessandro," I whispered, giving up my protest. If things were to take a turn for the worse, the last thing I wanted was to be mad at him. I'm sure he felt the same, I just wished he wasn't withholding information from me. 

“Please go and get dressed,” he replied. “If we have to leave the cabin, I’d rather not waste any time.”

I nodded and climbed to my feet, wrapping the blanket around my naked body. I didn’t need to but it still provided some comfort. “Can you get me a pain pill?” I whispered as I moved towards the bedroom. “My migraine is coming back.” 

“Of course, darling,” Papa said and his voice was soft. 

I dressed in warm clothes, not all of them were mine. I was sure that Papa would not mind that I had borrowed a pair of his pants. When I returned to the sitting room, Papa handed me the medicine and a glass of water that he had gotten from the bathroom while I was dressing. 

"Thank you, Papa," I whispered as I sat down on the couch and took the medication. "How long do we have to wait?"

"Until the engines start back up or we are instructed to do otherwise." 

I nodded and looked down at my hands. I pulled at my fingers, a nervous habit of mine. "We're going to be alright, yes?" I asked. 

"This ship is unsinkable, Andrea," Papa reminded me. "They are only checking to make sure that we can continue on our voyage without issue." 

"Can we lay down while we wait?" My head is hurting quite a bit and I wanted to be next to my Pope. 

"Yes, I do not see why not." Papa got up from the chair and offered me his hand. I gladly took it and he pulled me to my feet. 

Papa looked at me apologetically and I wrapped my hand around his waist, pulling him against me, and kissing him deeply. He groaned quietly as I sucked on his tongue. 

I pulled away when there was a sudden loud knock at the door. Papa stepped away from me, and I gave him a worried glance when he swung open the door to reveal a steward on the other side. 

The steward entered the room without an invitation. "Excuse me, sirs," he said, giving me a quick look. He went over to a small closet next to the door and opened it. The shelves were empty, save for a few white life jackets. "The Captain has ordered that all passengers put on their life vests and make their way up to the boat deck to await further instructions." Without another word, he turned and left. 

Papa softly clicked the door closed. He stood there, back to me and not moving. A few moments passed and I hadn't moved either. I was breathing heavily as I willed my panic away. "Do what he said, Andrea," Papa whispered, still refusing to turn around. 

"Alessandro, you lied to me, didn't you?" I said, trying my damndest not to cry again. My mind was racing again and I wanted to scream. "Fuck," I swore instead. "Tell me, Alessandro, because I can't handle anymore." I was crying and pleading with him. "Tell me what's going on. I'm going to break if you don't." 

Papa finally turned around and when I saw the look in his eyes, my stomach dropped and my heart broke. I fell to the floor in tears. That's when I knew. There was no hope left. My safe space was no longer safe. All of this would soon be at the bottom of the ocean.


	26. Losing Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the reality of the situation sinks in, Copia has a hard time dealing.

April 15th,1912

"Andrea, darling, please," Papa was on his knees on the floor in front of me, pleading with me to get up. I had sat down once I had regained control over my panic, or what little control I had left given the situation. I wasn't crying anymore, I didn't have any tears left. 

"Tell me this isn't happening, Alessandro," I whispered. Papa bit his lip and looked away, not saying anything. "I just want to go to bed." 

"I wish we could," he replied. 

"You knew, didn't you?" I said. "You knew that we were sinking and you didn't tell me? Why?" I tried to be angry. I wanted to be angry. It would at least allow me to feel something. Right now I felt empty. It was almost as if I had accepted the fate that I was sure I was destined for; to die on this ship. 

Still my Pope refused to answer me. "Please just get up," Papa said. 

"Not until you answer me," I said. I wasn't sure if that was a promise or not. 

He sighed quietly. "Yes," he muttered finally. "Although I was not directly informed of the extent of the damage, I knew." Papa paused and looked at me with apologetic eyes. "When I left a few moments ago, I overheard some crew members speaking to each other. At the time there was already fourteen feet of water in the front of the ship. I didn't need for them to say it. There will be quite a bit more by now. There's no way of stopping it." 

I don't know what I was clinging to before, I thought that I had accepted this. I knew there was little chance of either of us getting off the ship. The small number of lifeboats would only be enough to hold the women and children. They would not allow anyone else into them. 

I was going to die and I couldn't stop the sudden laughter from escaping my lips. This was some sort of sick joke or cruel punishment, it had to be, and I knew why.

"I'm being punished," I laughed. Papa was looking at me with confusion in those beautiful mismatched eyes of his. The eyes that had started all of this and brought on this punishment from the God I had forsakened to join him. Now I was to burn for all eternity. This was all too ironic. I laughed harder. 

Papa was shaking his head. "Punished for what, my darling? None of this is your fault." 

I looked at him like he was the crazy one. "Oh but it is, Alessandro," I said, grinning at him like a fool. "Don't you see it? You of all people should know." I stopped and looked up at the ceiling. "He is punishing me for what I did." 

"God?" Papa asked, finally picking up on what I was getting at. 

"Yes," I replied. "He is punishing me for what I did to Him. My former master is angry with me, Alessandro. He is vengeful, and here I am, paying the ultimate price for my betrayal." I laughed manically.

Papa groaned and put his head in his hands, rubbing his forehead. "We don't have time for this, Andrea," he sighed. "Listen to me, my darling." Papa lifted his head and his expression turned serious. He reached out and took my hands in his. "Your former God is vengeful, yes. Whether or not he chose to bring this upon you, I do not know. But what I do know, is that our faith in the ever providing Lucifer will keep us safe. He knows when His loyal followers are in trouble and He will provide for us. Have faith my darling. And should we end up meeting our infernal Master on this night, I have no doubts that He will welcome us with open arms into His Kingdom. We will be rewarded for our loyalty."

"How can you know that, Papa?" I asked. Only slightly comforted by his words. 

"Do you not trust me, my dear Copia?" Papa said, voice soft. "Do you not have faith in your Papa?" He let go of my hand to touch my face instead.

"I do have faith in you, Alessandro," I whispered, leaning into his hand. "You're the only one I can have faith in right now." 

Papa dropped his gaze for a moment as I saw the slight disappointment in his eyes. I knew it was from the fact that I couldn't place my faith in our Dark Lord. "I'm sorry," I said. But when he looked back up at me that disappointment was gone. 

"No," Papa said. "Do not be sorry. You do not know Lucifer like I do. I understand your apprehension." He paused. "But place your trust in me, Andrea," Papa continued and there was an added desperation in his tone. "I promise I will not let anything happen to you. I couldn't live with myself if I did." 

"How?" I asked. My heart started racing again and my breathing quickened. "You know as well as I do that they will not let any men off this boat while there are still women and children on board." 

"I do know," Papa replied. He took my hands. "Now please, can we get up off the floor?" 

I nodded. I suspected that he had some sort of plan to get me off of this ship but I wouldn't go along with it. I wouldn't dare leave if there were still others on board. And most definitely not without him. Yes, I was scared and I couldn't swim, but I still had my pride and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I left while there were still women and children waiting. 

Papa climbed to his feet and pulled me to mine. "You should put on a life vest, darling," he said, walking over to the small closet and grabbing one off the top shelf. "Lucifer forbid, you end up in the water, I don't want you drowning." He handed it to me once I had my coat and scarf on.

"If I don't drown, Alessandro, I'll freeze to death," I said, but did as he asked. Papa helped me fasten the straps. "That water has to be below freezing. The air temperature is." 

"Anyone in the water won't last longer than fifteen minutes," he replied quietly. 

"Will it be painful?" I asked. "Dying from the cold?" I needed to know. If I was going to die, I wanted to know if it would hurt. 

"At first, yes," Papa's voice was barely a whisper. I could tell he was trying not to cry. "Water that cold will shock your body. It will hurt everywhere...so much that you may wish you were dead." He took in a deep breath. "Some people hallucinate, others just have mental confusion. Finally, your body will become numb to the temperature and you'll get sleepy." He stopped talking, tears finally falling from his eyes.

I couldn't watch him cry. I looked away fighting my own tears. I didn't want that to happen. Not to anyone, not me or him or anyone else on the ship. It sounded horrible. Still, I knew it was unavoidable for most of the passengers. 

Papa swiped at his eyes and took a breath. "Are we good here?" he asked. 

I nodded. I didn't like having to leave everything behind but I had no choice. I grabbed Papa's ritual book from the writing table and slipped it into my coat pocket as I waited for him to finish dressing. 

"Aren't you going to put on a life vest, Papa?" I asked as he put his gloves on. 

"It will only hinder my ability to swim should I need to," he replied. "I am a strong swimmer, do not worry, Andrea." 

I wasn't going to argue with him. I didn't like the idea that he refused to wear one, but I wouldn't make him either. 

When we were bundled up, Papa opened the door and we left the suite. He locked the door and I wondered why. I guess the thought of people going through our things while we were above decks bothered him. 

The hallways were crowded with other passengers. Some wearing dressing gowns, others still in evening wear and some fully dressed like we were. It set my social anxiety off and when Papa reached for my hand, I instinctively pulled it away. He looked at me but didn't protest. 

We climbed the grand staircase and exited out onto the starboard side of the ship. Just like the hallways, the deck was crowded. I lingered back slightly when Papa walked towards the railing. Eventually I got the courage to walk up to him. I took in a deep breath and the air burned my lungs. It was so cold I could see my breath. 

I looked down onto the deck below. It was littered with chunks of white ice. Some small, others larger. They sparkled in the glow of the ships lights. 

Over to the side the crew were uncovering lifeboats and preparing them to be loaded. "Do we have to be out here, Alessandro?" I whispered, leaning into him. The deck was so crowded, no one would notice. All of this was making me nervous. It didn't help that there was a loud hissing sound coming from the steam vents behind us. "I don't feel comfortable." 

Papa thought for a moment, taking a good look around. "Yes, alright, Andrea," he replied. "I do not think we need to be here right this moment." Papa turned and led me back inside the grand staircase. 

"Can we go back to the suite?" I asked.

"No," Papa said. "We will go to the lounge. It's best if we stay near others so that we can follow orders from the crew." 

I nodded, slightly disappointed. I wanted to return to his stateroom so that we could hold each other. I longed for his touch. 

The lounge was also crowded when we arrived. It took us awhile to find a place to sit. There was only a single chair way back near the aft grand staircase exit. "Sit, my darling," Papa said. He waited until I sat down before sitting on the arm beside me. 

I tried not to be nervous while we waited patiently for our next instructions but I found myself nervously playing with my hands. 

"Let me take your hand, Andrea," Papa said quietly. "It will calm you and no one will care." I glanced nervously at him but offered it to him. He gripped it tightly as I took in a deep breath.

"I wish you could hold me, Alessandro," I whispered. 

"I know, my darling," Papa whispered back. "I wish I could too."


	27. A Plan for Survival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia continues to panic while Papa tries to convince him to give in to his plan for escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I am going to change the route I'm going with this. I have two different plot points in mind. I'm going for the one with more drama and angst.

April 15th, 1912

There was talk that this was only a lifeboat drill. I heard the other passengers whispering. Most of them were women who refused to participate in this 'drill'. I wanted to say something, to tell them that they were wasting precious time sitting here and not to wait until it was too late. 

Papa had forbidden me from saying such a thing. "It will cause wide-spread panic," he whispered so that only I could hear. "It will also make all of this very chaotic and I wish to keep that from happening for your sake." He squeezed my hand that he still held tightly in his own.

"They deserve to know, Alessandro," I said quietly. 

"And they will," he replied. "But when the time is right." He paused. "They need to hear it from the crew, not from a fellow passenger." 

I dropped my head and stayed quiet. Papa was right even if I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to just sit here. "I need to do something," I muttered, shuffling my feet restlessly. "I can't stay here anymore." 

"What do you want to do, my darling?" Papa asked, watching me fidget in the chair. 

"You," I said desperately. It wasn't a lie if I had to be perfectly honest. The thought of taking him to bed made me less nervous. I sighed, pulling my hand from his grasp and looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Please Alessandro," I whispered as tears threatened to fall again. "I want to forget that this is happening." 

Papa closed his eyes and bit his lip for a moment. When he opened them, I could tell that he was conflicted. But whether or not it was because of what I had said or something else I wasn't sure. "You know I can't, Andrea," he replied. 

I looked down at the floor, dragging my gloved hand over my face and praying that I wouldn't start crying. My lip trembled and I chewed it so hard it was painful. I sucked in a deep breath. 

The room was slowly starting to empty and I knew it was because the other passengers were starting to realize that the ship was going down. Those that still remained were either looking around the room with shocked expressions on their faces or were being comforted by loved ones. Most of the remaining women were silently crying in the arms of their husbands. 

My panic returned and knew I couldn't stay in the lounge. If I was going to break down again, and I could tell I was headed for it, it wouldn't be in public.

I stood and suddenly became aware of just how much the floor was tilting. I didn't notice it while I was sitting. This only increased my urge to get out of there. I wasn't sure why I needed to run, there was nowhere to go that was safe. Even if I could get into a lifeboat, the thought of being out there in the ocean, for Lucifer knows how long, was just as terrifying. 

I was vaguely aware of Papa reaching for my arm but I paid him no mind. Pulling away, I hurried towards the exit. 

Once I reached the boat deck, I began to push my way through the crowd. The loud hiss of the steam deafened me as I tried not to pay attention to the crew loading the lifeboats with passengers. 

The cold air made every breath I took painful, I tried to take shallow breaths but it did no good. I was running at that point, and I would tire quickly if I kept my breaths short. I ran towards the front of the ship, not caring that the deck was slanted in that direction. 

I found a crew stairway entrance that was open. I wasn't supposed to be using that hallway, but at this point I'm sure no one would care. I sure as hell didn't.

I didn't bother to count the number of decks I went down. Everywhere was empty. When I reached the bottom of the staircase, I continued down the hall. Stopping only when I came to a dead end. 

Panting, I leaned back against the white wall and closed my eyes. I didn't feel any better, not that I actually expected to. I don't know what I expected to happen. 

Opening my eyes, I looked around. The hallway was brightly lit and warm but completely empty. There was no sign of anyone, no passengers, no crew. 

I put my head in my hands and sobbed. My entire body began to shake violently and I gasped for breath as my head began to swim and my legs went weak. 

I was about to collapse to the floor when I felt strong arms wrap around my waist. Startled, I dropped my hands from my face. I was about to open my eyes when I felt familiar lips cover my own as my body was pressed up against the wall. 

The kiss ended and my eyes drifted open as I stared into the beautiful face of my Pope. "Don't do that again, Andrea," he said seriously. Though he was crying too. "I'm not ready to lose you." 

"I've given up," I whispered through my sobs. "We're not getting out of this." I fisted my hands into his coat. "Please just take me back to the suite and make love to me one last time, Alessandro." I looked at him through pleading, blurry eyes. 

Papa dropped his head and I heard him let out a single sob before he looked back up at me. The despair I saw in his eyes broke my heart. My chest ached horribly and I wanted to fall to the floor. How Papa still held me up, I didn't know. 

"No," Papa muttered. I looked away. Papa brought a hand to my face, caressing my cheek soothingly, and wiping away my tears. "We should not be down here. It is not safe." 

"No where on this ship is safe anymore," I replied. 

"Then that is why you must come with me, darling," Papa said. "I have a plan, but we mustn't wait much longer." 

I looked at him weakly. "There's no point, Papa," I said, shaking my head. "It will not work. I will not leave this ship when there are still others needing a spot in the lifeboats." 

Papa smiled sadly at me. "My sweet Copia, such a gentleman," he laughed slightly and brushed his lips against mine. I took a breath as Papa stepped back. "Andrea, come with me please. At least let us get above decks again. I fear this place will flood soon." 

I nodded slowly. Papa reached into his coat pocket and pulled out my old Catholic cross, the one that I hadn't worn since promising to devout my life to him and his Master. "Put this on," Papa said encouragingly and handed it to me. I gave him a questioning look. "I'm not asking you to keep it on," he said. "Just long enough for me to use it to my advantage." 

I pointed to the purple grucifix embroidered on the coat I was wearing. "And this won't cause an issue?" I was trying to fight him with whatever this plan of his was. I wouldn't go along with it. I was not leaving this ship without him. 

"That is my grucifix," Papa replied. "I wear the same, anyone who sees us will know that is my coat you wear." 

I guess he had a point. I sighed. "I told you, Alessandro," I said. "I'm not going to do this. I won't leave." Tears welled in my eyes again as I watched his gaze soften. I pushed my hand back out at him, opening my palm to give him back the necklace.

"Put the cross on, Andrea," Papa insisted and his tone was cold. I didn't know if that was intentional. "I'm not going to argue with you on this. I've made my decision. I can't leave you here." 

"No, Alessandro," I snapped. 

"Why?" Papa's voice changed immediately and now he was pleading with me. 

"Because…" I stopped as my heart fluttered and I felt my stomach drop. It wasn't my pride keeping me from trying to escape the doomed ship. It was my love for him. I knew that he couldn't join me in the lifeboats. I bit my lip as tears poured from my eyes again. "Because I won't leave you." 

Papa looked at me with a mixture of sorrow and regret. He placed his hand on my chest and gently pushed me back towards the wall. His lips covered mine in a passionate kiss. I felt love, sorrow, acceptance, forgiveness and a hint of lust. He pressed his body flush against mine and I cried through a moan. I brought my hand up to the back of his neck and held his lips to mine.

Papa gave my waist a small squeeze and I allowed him to break the kiss. "I love you, Alessandro," I whispered through my tears. "I don't want to leave you here. I can't lose you." 

"You won't," Papa muttered. "I can't focus on saving myself if I have to worry about you. Understood?" 

"Okay," I whispered. I didn't like this one bit but I did know that Papa was right.

"Now please put the cross on, Andrea and come with me," Papa said. "We cannot wait any longer." I nodded and slipped the necklace over my head. Papa gave me a slight smirk. "I hate seeing that on you," he whispered. "But for now it is needed." 

Papa took my hand and kissed me again before leading me back to the stairwell. "I love you too, Andrea," he said. "I promise you everything will be alright."


	28. Come Cover Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Papa doesn't succeed in his plan, Copia begs him to give in to his request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know I said no more sexy times for this fic but I lied. I had a few people asking me to add it and I think it will fit well. But not until the next chapter. 
> 
> This one throughly broke my heart at the end. A friend of mine is going to die in the next year and unfortunately I took out my pain over learning of his condition on Papa and Cardi.
> 
> The song lyrics at the beginning are from Come Cover Me by Nightwish.

Young love must live  
Twice only for us  
Time devours passion's beauty  
Tonight any dream will do

April 15th, 1912

I followed Papa through the crowd of passengers on the port of the ship. He gripped my wrist tightly, making sure that I couldn't break free or get lost, as he led me over to the lifeboats. Neither of us had said anything since arriving back on the boat deck. I bit my lip as I kept wanting to say something in protest, but knew that it would do me no good. My mood had shifted slightly and I was agitated. I didn't want to go through with this but he was making me and I didn't like it one bit. My attitude reflected that.

Papa stopped once we got near the front of the crowd and turned to me. "Stay here," he whispered, finally letting go of my arm. I rubbed my sore wrist. "Keep that cross visible, do not take it off or put it inside the coat. And please, don't run off on me again, Andrea." 

"I won't," I muttered bitterly. 

"Good," Papa replied. "I'll be back in a few minutes." 

I watched as he approached a man who appeared to be one of the highest ranking officers on this side of the ship. I could read the name on the man's jacket: Second Officer Charles Lightoller. 

Papa pulled the officer over to the side. The way they were speaking, it appeared as if they knew each other. Until Lightoller's face hardened and he raised his voice. "Only women and children in the boats," the officer said and it was almost a yell. 

Papa grabbed the man by the sleeve of his jacket, leaning in and saying something to him. My Pope looked angry as well. 

Lightoller pushed Papa away from him. "You obviously didn't hear me the first time, Emeritus." 

Papa turned and looked directly at me. I could see the anger in his eyes, but I also saw a desperation. My heart leaped into my throat and I swallowed hard. "Come over here, Copia," Papa said. 

I hesitated, biting my lip. I didn't want to get into this. I already felt the urge to run. My gaze fell to the slanted deck beneath my feet, I didn't move. I knew when Papa approached me. I didn't need to look up but I did anyway. "Don't fight me on this Andrea," he said firmly, taking my wrist again. His grip hurt. 

"Stop this, Alessandro," I whispered. I was going to cry again. "Please." I tried pulling my arm free. "You're hurting me." 

He looked away for a moment but loosened his hold on me. "Not until I know that you are safe." Papa was fighting his own tears. "I won't. I'm doing this for you, my darling. I'd do anything to ensure your safety." 

I closed my eyes and let my tears fall. Papa put his arm around my waist and gently guided me forward. "You're a man of faith, correct?" I opened my eyes and found that Papa was addressing Lightoller again. 

"You're one to be playing the religion card, Papa Emeritus," the officer said sarcastically. "Filthy Satan worshipper." The man clung to the cross around his neck.

His words stung. I looked at Papa but he seemed unaffected by them. "This has nothing to do with me," Papa said and remarkably his voice was level, calm even. "You want to please your God, Lightoller?" 

The officer looked both stunned and confused. "What are you getting at?" 

Papa smiled and gave me a gentle shove forward. I stumbled but managed to catch my balance. I blushed as my heart pounded away in my chest. "Cardinal Copia here is heading to New York under orders from your Pope," Papa said. "Do you honestly think that your God will forgive you if you let this man die?"

"You can't be serious," Lightoller whispered but I could tell that he was cracking. 

I turned to look at Papa, he kept his face expressionless. "Oh but I am, Lightoller. I am very serious. You know as well as I do that God is vengeful. He won't make it a second thought to banish you to Hell where my infernal Master will make your eternity miserable. While I get rewarded for my loyalty." 

"Fuck you, Emeritus," Lightoller spat. 

Papa smiled and stepped forward. He reached into his pocket. "Perhaps this will help persuade you?" Papa's voice was smooth as velvet. He pulled out a handful of cash. 

The officer stared wide-eyed at the money being offered to him. I saw his eyebrow twitch but he said nothing. 

"Get in the boat, Andrea," Papa said without looking at me. His gaze stayed fixed on the second officer's face. 

"No," I whispered. I moved but it was towards Papa. I grabbed the cash from his hand and shoved it into my pocket. "This is bribery, Alessandro. I won't stand for it." 

"Your lover is correct, Emeritus," Lightoller laughed. "Your money won't save anybody." He shoved Papa and I backward. I stumbled but was unable to regain my balance this time. I fell onto my ass on the hard and cold deck. "Get out of my face." 

Papa knelt down beside me, putting an arm around my back. He gave me a brief sympathetic look before lifting his head in the direction of Lightoller. "You are a cruel man, Lightoller," Papa said, tone laced with disdain. 

The officer huffed and turned to the crowd. "Women and children only in the boats! You all saw what I did to him. I will do worse to you if I am disobeyed."

Papa gave him one last disapproving look before turning back to me. "Are you alright, my darling?" 

I nodded. It was a hard landing but the initial shock of falling had worn off. "I'm fine, Alessandro," I muttered. Papa helped me to my feet and fused over me for a few moments. I let him, not caring that there were people nearby. 

"We're going to try the other side," Papa said as he brushed some imaginary dirt off my coat. "The officers over there may be less strict." 

I shook my head. "I told you I'm not going." I looked down at the deck again. 

He sighed and removed his hands from me. "Why won't you listen to me, Andrea?" 

"Because I'm tired," I replied, choking back a sob. "I'm tired of all of this. I don't want to be here anymore." 

Papa gripped my shoulders. "That is why I'm trying to get you off the ship." 

I shook my head again. "You don't understand, Papa," I whispered sadly. I was done. Completely done. I decided that there was no point in holding in my cries anymore so I let them out. "I've told you that I've given up. I did not lie to you." 

My Pope wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. "Well I have not," he whispered. 

People were starting to stare at us and I blushed, burying my head into his coat so that I didn't have to see them. Papa turned and I was forced to look up. 

Anxiety be damned. The look in his eyes broke my heart. Face wet with tears, I reached up to cup his cheeks between my hands. I swallowed and gave him a shy smile before capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. 

I cried as Papa kissed me back, his lips moving against mine. My body began to shake and I felt weak, but he held me up. I shoved my tongue into his mouth and slid it against his. 

I poured all of my love for him into that kiss for I feared that it would be our last. I was going to lose him and this was our last chance to show our love for each other. 

When Papa pulled back I sobbed, trembling violently in his arms. "I want you to take me to bed one last time, Alessandro," I cried. "I need this. I need you." I looked up into his eyes. "Please don't deny me this. I have no hope, no faith left. I only want to feel your love for me before it all ends." 

Tears rolled down Papa's face. "Alright, Andrea," he whispered. "I will take you to bed and make sweet love to you one last time." He kissed me, his love wrapping me in comfort like the feel of a warm summer breeze on my face.


	29. Passion's Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa keeps his promise to take Copia to bed one final time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copia cries in this a lot. I did too. I've had a really shitty start to my work week so I wrote the ending of this while feeling pretty shitty about myself.

April 15th, 1912

I wept quietly as Papa walked me through the ship and back to his suite. At this point there was no holding it in, my body shook with my sobs and I was sure that other passengers noticed. But no one said anything.

Papa unlocked the door and ushered me inside. Wordlessly, he shut the door and immediately turned to me, his own face wet with tears as he gently pushed me up against the carved wood. He kissed me deeply as his hands worked to rid me of the heavy layers of clothes. 

Papa sucked my tongue into his mouth and I reached up, cupping his cheek with my hand. We broke the kiss so that I could remove the life vest. Papa turned his head and pressed a kiss into my palm. "I want you to know that I only did what I thought was best for you, Andrea," Papa whispered, voice wavering from his tears. "I wanted you off this ship because I couldn't deal with the thought of losing you. I was okay with the idea that I might not come out of this alive, but with you, it was too much. I tried, my darling, and I'm so sorry that it didn't work." He lowered his head to my chest, pressing his forehead above my heart. 

"I didn't want to lose you either, Papa," I replied.

He looked up at me with a small smile. "And now look at us," he muttered, brushing away my tears with his thumb. "We've both given up hope." Papa brushed his lips against mine in a loving kiss. 

"I don't want to think about this anymore, Alessandro," I pleaded. My chest ached and I sobbed. "I just want to feel. I want to feel you move inside of me." 

"If that is what you want my darling, I will give it to you." Papa's hands resumed undressing me. I captured his lips in another kiss as I worked to remove his clothing. I ran my tongue along his bottom lip and Papa opened his mouth for me. I circled his tongue with my own before sucking on it gently. 

Once our outerwear was in a pile on the floor, Papa wrapped his arms around me and turned us around. "How do you want to do this, Andrea?" he whispered, giving my hips a squeeze. 

"I want to face you," I replied, desperately. "I need to see you." 

Papa nodded. "I want it that way too," he said, reaching for the buttons on my shirt. We kissed passionately as we undressed each other. "Let us take our time pleasuring one another," Papa muttered, pressing his naked body against mine. His lips were on my neck, kissing up to my ear. My hands rested on his hips. "I wish to spend my final moments with my cock buried deep inside you, my darling Andrea. The last thing I wish to hear is your voice screaming my name as I bring you to orgasm one final time."

He looked at me as he started moving his hips against mine. My breath hitched as I felt an overwhelming warming sensation in my chest. His words brought more tears to my eyes and I let out a sob. "I love you, Alessandro," I whispered. "I don't want to lose you." I whimpered as I felt my cock start to stir. The friction starting a burning desire within me. 

"We will part for only a short while, my sweet lover," Papa replied, wrapping his arms around me. "Lucifer does not abandon His loyal followers. We will be together again. I promise you." 

"Are you sure?" I cried, clinging tightly onto him.

"I am," Papa replied, reassuringly. "No one knows our Dark Lord like I do. Our suffering will not be prolonged." He looked up at me, tears shining in his eyes. 

Seeing him like this hurt more than any physical pain ever could. I leaned in and kissed him hard and deep, my lips quivering against his as I pushed my tongue against his lips. Papa slipped his tongue into my mouth and I sucked on it gently. He groaned quietly, making a circular motion with his hips.

I broke the kiss with a moan. "Take me to bed now, Alessandro," I whispered, sliding my hands down his back and squeezing his ass. 

"Feeling a little needy, Andrea?" Papa replied, smiling slightly against my neck. He sucked hard on my skin and I whimpered at the ache the bruise left. 

"Yes," I whispered, dropping my head to his shoulder, my tears wet his pale skin. 

Papa stepped backward and I sobbed at the loss of his touch. I reached for him and he took my hand. "Come, and lay with me in front of the fireplace again," he said softly. I nodded, biting my lip to keep from crying. He laid me down on my back on the pillow covered floor and leaned over me. "Please stop crying. Andrea," he whispered. "Let us forget about the world around us for a little while. Right now it's just us and I want you to feel how I much I love and care for you. But I can't do it while seeing you cry like this." He kissed me tenderly. "So please, try and relax, my darling. Can you do that for your Papa?" 

Being on the floor made me that much more aware of the tilt of the ship. It seemed a lot worse than it was before when I had first felt it back in the lounge. I tensed as my anxiety overwhelmed me. I choked on my breath as my heart started beating so fast I could barely feel it. 

I watched as a panicked look came onto Papa's beautiful face. "I'm sorry, Andrea," Papa said quickly. "I'm sorry if I made it seem like your anxiety wasn't justified." 

I shook my head. "It wasn't you, Alessandro," I muttered. My throat was starting to hurt from my crying. "I'm finding it impossible to forget about everything." 

"I understand," Papa replied. "I cannot fully push it to the back of my mind either." 

I looked up into his eyes. There was sorrow and love in them. I reached up, threading my hand into his silky black locks and tugging. "Then distract me," I whispered, searching his gaze for the lust and desire that I knew was buried deep within them. "Make me feel something other than this pain." 

Papa locked eyes with me as started another gentle roll of his hips against mine. I sighed, using the hand that was in his hair to lightly pet over his head. I started to move my hips with his when the heat of my desire began to stir between my legs again. 

Papa reached down between our bodies and wrapped a hand around both of our cocks. His grip was firm. He didn't move his hand, letting our hips do all the work. 

I bit my lip, moaning softly as I slid myself against his tight grip. My eyes slipped closed, tears running down my face, as Papa leaned down and kissed me. We stayed like this for a little while, kissing and rocking our hips together. 

I gasped, breaking a kiss when Papa started to move his hand in time with our gentle thrusts. "Alessandro…" I whined, looking up into his eyes. The lust and desire were there now, along with love and adoration. 

My heart ached in the most wonderful way, and combined with the burning pleasure, I couldn't stop a sob from escaping my lips. "I love you, Alessandro," I sighed, wrapping my arms around him and rubbing up and down his back soothingly. 

"You are beautiful my love," Papa whispered, kissing down my chest. I smiled slightly at the praise. He stopped to lavish attention over my nipple, taking it into his mouth and sucking it hard. I groaned, my hips faltering as he flicked over it with his tongue. My hand found his hair and I pulled it tightly. Papa moaned and grabbed my hips, sitting back to look down at me with dark eyes. "Let me taste you again, Andrea," Papa said, squeezing my hips before lightly tracing his fingertips over my thighs. 

I whimpered, shivering from his teasing touches. My hips lifted from the floor as I sought out contact again. "Yes, Papa," I replied, voice hoarse. I choked on my breath. 

Papa looked down at me with concern in his eyes. "Are you alright, darling?" 

I coughed and tried to clear my throat. It was dry and hurt quite a bit. "Can you get me some water?" I rasped. "My throat, it hurts." 

Papa nodded and scrambled to his feet to grab the glass of water that sat on the writing table. He handed it to me and I downed it quickly, the cool liquid soothing the discomfort. 

"Thank you, Alessandro," I whispered, giving him back the empty cup. He set it down on the floor and crawled back over me. 

"Too much crying, Andrea," Papa said, kissing me. 

"I know," I replied. "I'm sorry." I sighed. 

"No. No sorry," Papa said, reaching for my cock. He gripped the base firmly and my legs fell open for him. He settled between them, leaning down.

Papa looked up at me, holding my gaze as he opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out, licking at the head of my cock. I bit my lip and my eyes fluttered shut as the tingles of pleasure creeped up my spine. I felt his hand squeeze me and begin a firm stroking. "Papa…" I groaned, unintentionally thrusting my hips up. 

He didn't seem to mind, taking me deeper. Papa swirled his tongue along my shaft, gently sucking as he did it. "Do you want to fuck my throat, Andrea?" Papa asked, voice thick as he pulled off me. He started a fast jerking with his hand, coating my cock in his salvia. 

"Is that what you want?" I asked quietly. The idea kind of excited me. 

Papa hummed, lapping up my prerelease. "I do," he replied, giving me a small smile. 

"O-" I jumped, crying out suddenly as I the furniture moved. It slid slowly across the floor. The slant just enough to keep it moving until it hit the wall or another object. The glass Papa had set down earlier fell over and rolled into the bedroom. 

"I was going to have us move to the couch," Papa replied, voice emotionless as he stared at the large piece of furniture. He turned back to me and sighed. "No matter, we can still make this work." 

My heart was pounding from fear. Our time was running out. I didn't know how long it would take for all this to be over but I had a feeling that time was growing closer. I cried out again, reaching for Papa. He held his arms out to me and pulled me into a seated position, wrapping me tightly in an embrace. "I'm scared, Alessandro," I cried. "I don't want to die." 

"I know," Papa whispered, dropping his head to my shoulder and pressing soothing open mouthed kisses to my skin. "I am too." He held me for a few moments until I was able to stop my crying. He kept a hand on my cock, stroking slowly so that I stayed hard and making me whimper every minute or so. "Can you stand, my darling?" Papa muttered, sucking a bruise into my shoulder. 

"I'm not sure," I replied. My legs felt okay but I was shaking with both fear and desire. 

"I need you to stand in order to do this properly," Papa said gently. "I can help hold you up." He thumbed over the head of my cock, drawing a moan from me as I twitched in his hand. 

"Okay, yes, Papa," I whispered. "I will try." I sighed, pulling back from his embrace. He helped me to my feet, kissing me deeply before getting down on his knees in front of me once I was steady. 

Papa ran his hands up and down my legs soothingly. He looked up at me. "You can be rough with me if you need to, Andrea," he said, kneading the back of my thighs. "I will let you know if I need you to stop." 

I nodded. "How do I do this?" I asked. 

Papa shifted on the floor, getting closer to me. "Take my head in our hands," he replied. I slid my hands into his hair, holding onto each side of his head. "Good, now hold tight and let me do the rest for now." I tightened my grip and Papa smiled. I dug my feet into the soft carpet to keep from falling back, the floor was far from level at this point but I could hold my balance if I needed to. 

Papa firmly placed a hand on my right ass cheek, helping to keep me standing. His other hand gripped my cock as he guided it into his mouth. He took me deep and I groaned at the feeling of the wet heat surrounding my erection. His other hand went to my left ass cheek and he squeezed with both hands, looking up at me and moaning. It was his way of letting me know that he was ready.

I took in a breath, closing my eyes and thrusting forward gently. Papa whimpered slightly. I opened my eyes and dropped my gaze but he gave no indication that he wasn't okay. I kept my eyes on him as I did it again. He licked at the head of my cock and I moaned. "Papa…" 

My hips moved faster and I felt Papa's breathing quicken. I pulled back, allowing him to catch his breath. "Do you like doing this, my love?" Papa asked, tears shining in his dark eyes. 

"Yes," I whispered, seeing his tears brought on more of my own. "I wish I could get the chance to do it again." 

"You will," Papa whispered. "Just not in this life." His tears fell and dropped my hand to cup his cheek. I wiped them away as my own fell. 

Papa leaned forward again and licked me, teasing the head of my cock. "I'm going to move this along a little bit faster, Andrea," Papa said, voice wavering. "I'm not quite ready to give up. I will do everything I can to get us off this ship alive." He wrapped his hand around my shaft. 

"No," I replied. "No more of your bribery, Alessandro. I won't stand for it." 

"I won't do that again," he said, seriously. "I promise you. I will find another way." 

"Okay," I muttered, trying to believe him. It was hard for me to have faith that we would find a way to survive, but in the moment that didn't matter. 

Papa circled his tongue over my cock and took the tip into his mouth, sucking hard. I moaned deeply, thrusting my hips forward. He groaned, the vibrations causing little waves of pleasure to wash over me. He squeezed my ass, giving me the okay to continue. 

I thrust my hips forward, feeling Papa relax around me. My hands fisted into his hair and I dropped my head back, eyes falling closed. Papa worked my cock with his tongue and hands. The wet heat of his mouth felt wonderful, I moaned and gave my hips a few quick thrusts as the burning pleasure started to build within me. 

Papa began to moan and whimper with every movement. I was trembling, my breath coming out in short gasps. "Fuck…" I breathed when Papa licked over the underside of my shaft. "Alessandro…" 

He moved his hands to the front of my thighs and pushed slightly. I let go of his head and he sat back, licking his lips. "I want you to cum with me deep inside you, Andrea," he whispered, dark eyes shining bright with desire. "Come back down to the floor, darling."

Legs shaking with need, I knelt down to be level with my Pope. He kissed me, his lips laced with the taste of my precum. I didn't pull away though, like I had previously. I needed his kisses. I whimpered quietly when he opened his mouth to let our tongues meet. 

Papa wrapped his arms around me and guided me down onto my back. He reached for a pillow. "I'm going to put this under your hips," Papa said. I nodded lazily and lifted up slightly to help him. "Hand me the lube, Andrea." He pointed to the bottle that had fallen over onto the blanket. "If this hurts you, please stop me. I want to fuck you, yes, but I do not wish to bring you pain." 

"I'm already in pain, Papa," I whispered. I was scared and I was tired. My chest tightened and I knew I was going to cry again. I bit my lip as it trembled. 

"I am sorry," Papa said and he leaned over, kissing me tenderly. "I want to get us out of this. I will try." I looked away and swallowed as my tears fell. 

Papa spent a few moments caressing my legs. I sighed at the comforting touches, but they also made my cock throb. I reached down and began stroking myself. "Fuck me, Alessandro," I whined. "Please…" 

"Okay Andrea," he whispered. Papa's hands went to my hips and he repositioned me, pulling me closer to him. He lifted my leg over his shoulder.

Papa took the lube bottle and flicked it open, pouring some onto his fingers. "Relax my love," he said soothingly when I felt his slick fingertips rub against my hole. 

I sighed, sucking in a deep shaky breath and shivering as I relaxed my body. My eyes closed and I cried softly when Papa pushed two fingers into me. My tears turned into sobs when he began to pump them in and out of me. 

I reached for him and Papa took my hand. "Am I hurting you?" Papa asked, seemly concerned with my crying. He rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb.

"No, Alessandro," I muttered through my tears. The sensation of being stretched felt good, even if it burned slightly. "Your fingers feel good inside me." 

"Good," Papa replied. He gave my hand a squeeze before dropping it to take my cock instead. He gripped the base firmly and I moaned as a shockwave of pleasure had me shuddering. 

Papa stroked me as he pulled his fingers from me. "I'm going to lube myself up real well, Andrea," he said, pouring the liquid directly onto his cock. "I will try to ease your discomfort as much as possible." 

I nodded, unable to form words. He squeezed my cock gently as he positioned himself at my hole and began to slowly push into me. I gasped, crying out in pleasure laced pain. It definitely hurt more in this position. I wept harder, trying to stay relaxed. 

Papa rubbed the head of my cock and I groaned. The pain was still there but the pleasure was starting to take over. "It's okay, my love," Papa whispered soothingly. He stopped for a moment, allowing me some time to adjust before pushing further in. 

I was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably by the time he was completely inside of me. "Let me know when you want me to start moving," Papa said with a low groan.

"I thought you wanted to move this along," I breathed, biting my lip as I waited for my body to adjust to having him fully inside me.

"I don't want to hurt you, my darling," Papa reached out, cupping my cheek as his slid his other hand faster up and down my cock. 

I felt the pleasure building in me and I lifted my hips slightly, pushing into his hand. "I'm ready to feel you move inside me, Papa," I sighed. 

Papa nodded, giving me a small smile. His hand moved from my face to my hip. He held onto me tightly as he began a slow, shallow thrusting. 

The moan that escaped my lips had me blushing. "Papa..." I cried. "Oh yes…" There was pain but there was also pure pleasure. It was a dizzying combination. I began muttering to myself, closing my eyes, as my Pope fucked me into a babbling state of incoherence. 

"Andrea…" the soft whisper of my name on Papa's lips got me to lift my head. My eyes fluttered open. "I love you, Andrea." His thrusts became harder and faster. 

"I love-" I moaned, seeing stars as he hit my prostate. "You too, Alessandro…" My body shuddered.

"You feel wonderful my darling," Papa breathed, his voice was breaking. 

"Papa," I sighed. "Fuck me…" I moaned with every hard thrust of his cock into me. He twisted his wrist over the head of my cock and I cried out, tears filling my eyes as I felt the intense heat of my arousal starting to reach its peak. 

"Sweet Lucifer, Andrea," Papa moaned, his hand faltering for just a moment. "I'm going to cum for you my darling." 

"Cum for me, Alessandro…" I choked out. "Please, I'm so close as well." 

Papa grabbed my hips tightly, lifting me up so that he could get a better angle. He hit my prostate a couple of more times and when his hand went back to my cock, I screamed out his name. My orgasm overtook me in intense waves of heat. I sobbed as I felt both physical pleasure and intense emotional pain. 

Papa moaned loudly and came, filling me with his release. I cried as I felt him pulsing inside of me. It was the most wonderful thing in the world and I didn't want it to end. 

When his orgasm subsided, Papa gently put me down, slipping out of me. He crawled towards my shaking body. "Kiss me, Andrea," he whispered, eyes shining with tears. 

"Please hold me, Alessandro," I cried desperately. 

Papa pulled me into his warm embrace and I pressed my lips to his in a passionate kiss.


	30. Refusing to Give Up Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa convinces Copia to leave the suite again in an attempt to find another lifeboat. Copia gets injured due to the severe tilting of the ship.

April 15th, 1912

It was eerily silent in the cabin, the only sounds that of Papa and I's steady breathing. "Why is it so quiet?" I whispered. 

"There's no one in the halls anymore," Papa replied. "They're all above deck." He lifted his head from where it rested on my shoulder. "We can't stay here much longer, my darling." 

He was right, the weight of his body pressed up against mine was much heavier than usual due to the tilting. "I'm not ready to leave your arms," I sighed. 

"I know," Papa whispered. "I am not either, but we must." He pushed himself to his feet and the look on his face as I looked up at him told me that things were getting much worse. “We’re listing heavily towards the port side,” he said, tone flat. “We’re running out of time much quicker than I had hoped." I could tell he was struggling to keep his balance. I did feel the listing on the floor but it wasn’t as pronounced. Papa shook his head for a moment, sighing. “I am not sure if we will still have clean water but I'm going to try and get something for us to clean up with." He headed towards the bathroom, being careful to avoid the furniture that had slid across the floor. 

I pulled the pillow that Papa had been laying on towards my chest and hugged it tightly. His scent was on it and I breathed deeply, letting it calm me while I waited for him to return. 

“I’m sorry I could not get any warm water.” I looked up as Papa held a cloth out to me. It was cool but not cold.

“It’s fine, Alessandro,” I replied as I cleaned myself up.

Papa began to dress again. “Please hurry, my love,” he said as he buttoned up his shirt. The desperation in his voice, had me scrambling to my feet. 

I had forgotten just how much the floor had tilted and I stumbled, falling and hitting my side off of the table that had moved to rest against the wall. I cried out in pain as Papa hurried over to me. The pain in my side was intense. It hurt to breathe and I worried that I had broken something. I clutched my ribs as I waited for the sharp pain to lessen. 

Papa lowered me to the floor. “Stay there, Andrea,” he said, his voice laced with concern. I heard him swear under his breath as he collected my clothes. He brought them over to me and I reached weakly for them, wondering how I was going to dress myself. “I will help you in just a moment, darling,” Papa said. “You hit the table pretty hard. It still hurts, yes?” 

“Yes,” I whispered and closed my eyes. If I held my breath it didn’t feel too bad. How my Pope managed to keep calm, I wasn’t sure because I was about to panic. I groaned as my head started to spin. I was left with no choice but to take in another breath and I cried out again as the stabbing pain came back. Tears filled my eyes. 

“Don’t cry, Andrea,” Papa whispered as he knelt beside me. He was dressed but not in his outerwear. “It will only cause you more pain.” He put his arms around me and pulled me into more of a seated position. I had all I could do not to fall over, I didn’t know how he had managed to stay standing. I whimpered softly. Papa reached for my arm that I held tightly to my side, he guided it away from my ribs. “I’m going to check to see if I can tell if you’ve broken a rib,” he said, pulling me closer. “I will be quick but this is going to hurt and I’m so sorry.” 

I turned my head into his chest and fisted my hands into his shirt. Papa gave me no warning before he pressed his fingers into my side. I sobbed into his chest as I tried not to choke on my breath. After a few seconds, I felt Papa remove his hand from my side. "I'm sorry, my love," Papa whispered soothingly. He rubbed my back. "I'm going to have to be extra careful with you." 

He held me for a moment more while I cried, but he also reached for my clothes and then gently pushed me back. "I need to get you dressed and out of here, Andrea," he said. 

I nodded and lifted my head. "Okay, Alessandro," I muttered. 

Getting me dressed was awkward and painful. It took Papa several tries to get me to stand up once I was clothed. Being close to the furniture helped as we were able to use that as leverage but I feared that if I fell again in wouldn't be able to get back up. 

I had to keep my feet firmly planted on the floor in order to not fall. The effort was painful. Papa helped me with the coat and the life vest, which he insisted I put back on. It caused me more pain but I knew I needed it. 

"Take these, darling," Papa said as he handed me the bottle of codeine. "You're going to need them." 

"I have no water," I replied but put the bottle into my pocket anyway. 

"There should be a small store of some in the lifeboats." 

"If we even get into a lifeboat," I muttered. 

"Don't think like that, Andrea," Papa whispered as he moved to stand in front of me. He raised his hands and adjusted the thick purple scarf around my neck, wrapping it tighter and tucking it into the coat. 

Papa ran his hands down my chest, letting them rest on my hips. He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. The feeling of his lips moving against mine almost made me forget about everything and I swayed as I forgot to hold my balance. Papa immediately steadied me and pulled back, laughing quietly. "Do my kisses make you weak in the knees, darling?" There was a hint of playfulness in his tone and it made me smile knowing that he still had a sense of humor in this horrible situation. 

"Yes," I replied giving him a small lopsided smile. 

Papa gave my hips a squeeze before his expression changed to a mixture of worry and despair. "Come, Andrea," he whispered. "It is time. We must leave this place." He moved to my good side and wrapped an arm around my waist. 

All I could do was nod as I felt my chest tighten. I was afraid of what we would find once leaving the suite. The walls were starting to protest the severe listing and the sound was threatening to send me into a panic. 

Papa didn't bother to lock the door this time and as I suspected, the hallway was empty. As he turned to lead me towards the aft grand staircase, I looked back down to the end of the hallway and to my horror I saw water creeping up the floor. 

My breath hitched and my heart started racing as I realized that we likely weren't going to even make it out of the hallway without getting wet. The pain in my side intensified and I cried out, going weak in Papa's arms as I was overwhelmed with pain. Both emotional and physical.

I was vaguely aware of Papa tightening his grip on me. "Andrea," Papa sounded both upset and desperate. "I know you're in pain, but please don't give up. I cannot carry you on my own and I won't leave you here." 

"I fear it's already too late, Alessandro," I cried, unable to hold myself up. Papa leaned me up against the wall. "The ship is filling fast." 

I watched as Papa glanced towards the end of the hallway. When he turned back to look at me, I couldn't read his expression. He kept his face blank, but when he spoke his voice was both firm and comforting. "I need you to push through the pain, darling. You may be correct, but I'm not going to stand here and wait for my death. I'm going to fight and I hope that you will as well." 

I looked at him and took in a breath. I couldn't give up, not when I still had him. "Okay," I whispered. "Let's keep moving." 

"Good," Papa replied, nodding. He wrapped his arm around me once more, pulling me away from the wall. 

We moved slowly as I couldn't manage much more than a shuffle. When we reached the staircase, I clung to Papa with one hand the other to the railing. Every step I took hurt but I only had two decks to go up and I was grateful once I reached the top. 

Papa opened the door to the boat deck to find complete chaos on the other side of it. By now it was very obvious that the Titanic was going down. A lot of the passengers were crying and holding onto one another. Some were praying, others desperately searching for loved ones that had gotten separated from them in the commotion. 

I was actually thankful that I couldn't move around on my own, afraid that I would lose Papa in the thick, panicked crowd. "Where are we going, Alessandro?" I asked nervously as he moved us towards the forward part of the ship. I didn't want to go in that direction. The deck was not under the water yet, but it would be soon and I desperately wanted to avoid that.

I leaned back, indicating that I wasn't comfortable continuing. "Any of the lifeboats that are left will be up there," Papa said, referring to the collapsible boats on top of the officer's quarters. 

"I don't want to go that way," I whined in protest. "I'm scared of the water." I groaned, forcing him to stop for a few moments.

"I know you are, darling," Papa replied, he sounded like he was fighting tears. "But this is our last chance." 

I swallowed, knowing that he was right. "Promise me that you won't let me go into that water until I have no choice," I whispered, begging. 

"I promise," he said quickly. "I don't want to end up there either." 

I sighed, closing my eyes and praying to Lucifer that everything would be okay. My body relaxed slightly as I felt a slight calming sensation come over me. 

Papa must have noticed because when I opened my eyes he had a small smile on his face. "You prayed to the Dark Lord, didn't you, Andrea?" I wondered how he knew that. I nodded. "I told you our Master Lucifer doesn't abandon His loyal followers." Papa pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. "I feel it too. He answered your prayer." I kissed him again before allowing him to start moving us towards the bow. 

We were on the port side again and when we reached the officer's quarters, Lightoller and some other crewmen were attempting to rig up makeshift ramps out of oars to try and slide the collapsible boat off the roof. There were a few men on the roof, pushing while the others tried to steady the oars. 

Papa moved me over to a deck chair and set me down. The movement jarred my ribs and I gasped as sharp pain shot through my side. "I'm sorry, darling," he whispered. "I'm going to go help them. Perhaps they will allow us a spot in the boat if I can help them get it down." 

"Okay, Alessandro," I said. "But please don't be gone too long. I'm very worried." 

"I am too," Papa replied sadly. "I will return. I promise." 

He touched my cheek with his gloved hand before stepping back. As he turned, I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Kiss me before you go, Papa," I whispered. 

My Pope smiled at me. "Of course, my love." Papa covered my lips with his own and I whimpered softly. I didn't want the kiss to end, my hand went to the back of his neck as I deepened it.

We only parted when it became clear that both of us needed to breathe. "You don't want me to leave you here, do you?" Papa asked, a little breathless as he rested his forehead against mine. 

"No," I whispered, tears filling my eyes again. "But I know you have to. Just hurry back, Alessandro." Papa nodded and kissed me once more while I cried.


	31. Comfort In The Arms Of Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia goes through some horrific trauma but is rescued by a familiar crew member who provides him some comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short but I felt like I needed to end this chapter here. More to come soon.

April 15th, 1912

I watched in horror as the water slowly began to rise over the bow of the Titanic. The officers weren't making much progress with the collapsible boat either. I was breathing heavily, both from pain and intense fear. The pain in my side seemed to travel up into my chest and my stomach started twisting. I felt like vomiting. 

Suddenly my chair shifted and slid down the deck a few feet, stopping only when it crashed into a railing. I cried out in surprise, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I looked over to where Papa had gone but I couldn't see him anymore. I was blocked from seeing the officer's quarters at this angle. I immediately tried scrambling to my feet, the only thought in my mind was getting back to him, but the deck was too slanted and my body too broken. My legs gave out from under me and I doubled over, crying out in pain as I landed back down into the chair. 

I looked around, desperately searching for someone to help me as tears flooded my eyes. No one was paying me any attention. The one time I wanted it, there was none. I screamed out in frustration and fear. My stomach twisting in the most awful way as I sobbed. I struggled to breathe through my panic attack. The pain in my side was almost blinding as I cried. The ache in my chest was tearing me apart but I couldn’t stop it. There was nothing I could do. 

I cried for myself, I cried for Papa, and I cried for the other passengers and crew members who were still stuck on this sinking ship. My tears wouldn’t stop, I felt weak and I just wanted to go to sleep but knew that I couldn’t, even if I tried. I covered my face with my hands, not wanting to see any of it anymore. 

The sounds of cracking wood filled the air, followed by a loud thud. It scared me and forced me to drop my hands. I looked around weakly. I saw nothing and had no idea what it was, not that I really cared to be honest. I knew this was my end. It had to be. My Pope still hadn’t returned. 

Sudden screams met my ears, followed by the sounds of nearby passengers attempting to run towards the stern of the ship. The crowd parted and I saw that the water had begun to wash up the deck. It had taken the collapsible boat, which was upside down, and pulled it into the sea along with half of the crowd of passengers. 

Horrified, I pushed myself up ignoring my pain. At this point, the pain didn’t matter. There was only one thing that mattered to me. 

I moved slowly towards the submerged deck, gripping the cold railing beside me for support. People pushed past me quickly and I was almost knocked over several times. I only managed to stay upright by clutching the side of the railing. 

My feet were inches from the water when I stopped, suddenly aware of what I was doing. I stared at the deck. My heart pounding and my breathing coming out in short gasps. I was dizzy. I couldn’t go any further. My brain was stopping me from moving but my heart was screaming at me to continue. 

“Alessandro?” I cried out. I knew that if he was near, he wouldn’t likely hear me. There were too many screams to drown out my own. I called out to Papa again but again I got no answer.

There was too much chaos and my brain began to shut down. I couldn’t deal. My legs shook violently with the effort of keeping me standing. I gripped the railing tight, praying that if Papa was close, he would see me and come to my aid. 

My prayers were interrupted by a loud snapping sound. I raised my head to see the cables holding one of the forward funnels on the ship break. One by one they snapped, the funnel crashing down into the water. I screamed again as pain suddenly filled my entire body. It was a horrible stabbing agony. The crash of the funnel had caused water to flood up the deck. The wave had caught me and I wasn’t able to hold on to the railing hard enough. I was pulled off the deck and into the sea, all the while screaming in intense pain. 

I didn’t feel the cold at first. I did feel the panic at being washed into the sea. I struggled to stay above the water. The fact that I couldn’t feel anything under my feet terrified me to no end. In my desperate attempt to try and keep myself above the surface, I failed to realize that my life vest was doing the job for me. It took me several minutes to realize that I wasn’t drowning. Once I did, I stopped screaming. 

The pain in my body was intense. It hurt everywhere and I cried, wishing for it to end. I wanted nothing more than to be unconscious. At least then I wouldn’t hurt. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to breathe through the pain. I felt a hand grip the top of my life vest and pull me up. My eyes opened and I looked up into the eyes of the wireless operator, Harold Bride. He was on top of the upside-down lifeboat with a few others, including Second Officer Lightoller. With the help of a couple of other occupants of the boat, they were able to hoist me from the cold water and set me down on top of the boat. “You’ll not bring another aboard.” I heard Lightoller snap at the wireless operator. “We will sink with too much weight.” 

“We will sink anyway.” One of the other passengers snapped back. “We can only hope to make it to another boat before that happens.” 

I gasped as my pain lessened some. I was cold, so cold that I was shaking. The heavy coat that I was wearing did nothing but weigh me down. Tears still rolled down my cheeks as my brain tried to comprehend what was happening around me. 

I felt my heart break as I realized that it was likely that Papa had also been pulled into the water. He was not among the others on top of the boat. I searched the water around us but saw no sign of my Pope. I put my head in my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. The thought of losing the love of my life only days after we had met was tearing me apart and again I felt nothing but agonizing pain. What was going to happen to me now? I had lost the only man I had ever loved and I feared I would never find another to love again. I didn’t want to. Papa was the only one I ever wanted, would ever want. “Put me back in the water,” I cried to Lightoller. “I don’t want to be here anymore.” If death had claimed my Alessandro, I wished to join him. I had no life without him. 

“No.” The answer came from Harold Bride. I felt him pull me into a seated position. I hissed in pain. “You are Mr. Copia, right?” he asked me.

“Yes,” I replied quietly, wondering why that mattered to him. I continued crying. 

“Papa Emeritus helped us get the boat down from the roof,” Bride replied. “I did not see him after we were swept into the sea. But I did see you, that is why I pulled you aboard. Do you cry for him?”

“He cries for his lover, yes,” Lightoller replied cooly. “Put him overboard so that he can join Emeritus in Hell. We don’t need the extra weight.”

“Fuck you, Charles,” Bride said. “You have no respect for someone who helped to give us some hope. I’m not putting Mr. Copia back into the water. If by chance Papa Emeritus does survive, I know he will appreciate what I’ve done to save this man.” Lightoller glared at us but didn’t say another word. “You can lean against me if you want, Mr. Copia,” the wireless operator said. “I am injured but you will not hurt me. At least let me provide you some comfort.”

“I am hurt too,” I whispered, but allowed myself to relax against him. I was very weak and was trembling from being cold and wet. “I don’t want to live without him though.” My heart was beating rapidly in my chest as I cried for Papa. If I had the strength I would have pushed myself off of the boat and back into the sea but I didn’t. 

“I understand,” Bride whispered back to me and I felt him wrap his arms around me. It was oddly comforting and I couldn’t help but imagine it was Papa’s arms. This would give me faith that my Alessandro had found a way to survive. I needed him to. It was the only thing that would get me through this night.


	32. A Long Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia spends the night with the other survivors of Collapsible boat B. They suffer greatly but with the dawn comes the promise of rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I wrote this that fast. It's another short one but it ends on an okay note. As always I hope to have more soon.

April 15th, 1912

The Titanic was now at nearly a 45 degree angle in the air. The large propellers high in the sky. The lights were still on, casting a yellow glow over the nearby boats. 

There was silence in the lifeboat. No one said a word as we watched in awe as the great ship sank. I had stopped crying by now, feeling numb instead. Not just emotionally but physically as well. I was chilled to the bone and I couldn't feel most of my body. I was vaguely aware of Harold Bride's arms still tightly wrapped around my waist. The pain in my ribs was the only thing that made it clear to me that I could still feel. My breathing was slow and shallow. I wanted sleep to claim me but I knew it wouldn't. Sleep meant that I could be with my love again. I worried that perhaps that would never happen again. 

My brain had convinced me that Papa was gone but my heart refused to believe that. My Alessandro was smart, he would find a way to survive. 

Darkness suddenly fell upon us and I raised my head. A quiet gasp escaped my lips as the lights in the Titanic died. The entire ship went dark all at once. Not a few moments later the air was filled with an ear splitting cracking sound. I cried out, bringing my hands up to my ears as I watched horrified as the ship broke in two. 

The stern of the Titanic was now so high that the stress on the hull became too much. She broke apart between the third and fourth funnels. The back end came crashing down into the water. 

I screamed and closed my eyes as I knew there were people underneath of it. The boat rocked dangerously from the force of the water being displaced and I forced my eyes open again. 

The stern was pulled up again, this time at a 90 degree angle. It sat there for a few moments before finally, slowly sinking beneath the surface. 

I stared at the place where the great ship had disappeared. There was nothing left. We were alone, floating on a capsized boat in the vast and cold ocean. 

Without hope of a rescue, we would all die soon from exposure. Some, like myself, and the others in collapsible lifeboat B, faster than those in the other boats. 

Screams began to fill the air. Horrible cries from those left behind in the water. Hundreds of men, women and children crying out for help. I felt their pain. My heart broke for them and the sound reached my soul. It was forever burned into my mind. 

"Can't we do something?" Someone asked. 

"No," Lightoller said. "We will stay away from them, unless you want to sink faster." 

"It isn't right." Another voice said. 

"It's every man for himself now," the officer replied and I thought I could hear just a faint hint of pain in his voice. 

Over several minutes the screams started to die as those in the water slipped into eternal unconsciousness. I began to cry again, praying that Papa wasn't among them. 

Silence fell over us once more and I laid weakly in the arms of the wireless operator. I hoped that another boat would come to our rescue but we were too far from the others and had no real way of moving through the water. 

I closed my eyes and prayed for death to claim me fast. I wanted to be in the arms of my Pope once more.

~*~

As the night went on I felt my pain intensify. The boat was sinking lower in the water and in order to keep as much of our bodies out of it as possible, we were forced to stand. It was nearly impossible for me to keep my balance. Harold Bride helped me but I soon found myself wanting to collapse in defeat. I had no desire to continue in this miserable state. The water had risen up to our knees and the boat was rocking dangerously in the waves. I only held out because I knew that if I were to give up the other men in the boat would die quicker as well. 

Lightoller had instructed us to rock against the waves in order to keep as much air under the hull as possible. It seemed to help slightly but still the water continued to climb. 

My legs and feet burned, the pain was excruciating. I was fighting tears again. "Please," I whispered to Bride. "Just let me go. I want to die." I was begging him. 

"I'm not going to let you give up, Mr. Copia," he whispered back through gritted teeth. As he did so, another passenger in the boat collapsed and fell into the water. 

I nodded slowly as I watched the body of the man in the water. He was so exhausted he couldn't move. It appeared as if he was already dead. I pitied him but silently wished I could join him. The pain of death was nothing compared to the pain I felt having to go on without my Alessandro. 

As the minutes went on two more men fell into the water. I was beginning to feel sleepy, my body felt heavy and I wasn't able to stay upright much longer. 

It took me a while to realize that Lightoller had been calling out to another lifeboat that had rowed close to us. The boat pulled up beside us and with the help of the crew in the other boat we were able to climb aboard. 

With a heavy sigh I sat down in the dry seat next to the wireless operator. I was thankful to be out of the water and off of that sinking boat. But I was still in an immense amount of pain. 

"We have blankets," the officer in charge of the lifeboat said. "Some of your men appear to be injured." He dug through a wooden bench near where he sat. "There is some clean water and food as well." 

"We should ration it," Lightoller said. "We could be out here for days." 

My breath hitched as I listened to him. The idea terrified me. I wasn't exactly hopeful of a rescue but I most certainly didn't want to starve to death. I would throw myself overboard before that. 

"There is a ship coming," Bride spoke up suddenly. "The Carpathia. She answered our distress call. She should be here by daylight." 

"Still, we should save it," Lightoller insisted. No one argued him. I don't think any of us really wanted to. Everyone was in shock. Whether it was because of the ordeal they were going through or because they had lost someone they loved, didn't seem to matter. 

The officer handed Bride a blanket and he immediately tossed it over my shoulders. I didn't protest. I wasn't sure what warmth, if any, it would bring, but it did comfort me slightly. 

At this point there was nothing else we could do. I wrapped the blanket tightly around myself and leaned into Bride. He allowed me to do this and finally I felt that I could sleep. I closed my eyes and prayed for dreams of my Alessandro. 

~*~

"Mr. Copia?" I opened my eyes as the wireless operator shook my shoulder gently. "I am sorry to wake you. But we are near the Carpathia." 

I stared at him for a moment. My numb brain wasn't able to process that. "I wasn't sleeping," I whispered. 

Bride tilted his head off to the side. "See for yourself." 

I turned my own head and the first thing that I noticed was that the sun had started to rise. The horizon had turned a beautiful yellow-orange color with pink scattered through it. The sea around us was littered with chunks of ice. All different sizes, pristine white and sparkling in the sunrise. It would have been a beautiful sight if we weren't in the midst of a horrible tragedy. 

My eyes welled with tears and a warming sensation filled my chest when my gaze fell upon a ship coming towards us. It was much smaller than the Titanic, with only one funnel. But she provided hope. Hope that we would be rescued. She provided comfort and warmth. But most of all, she provided the prospect of being reunited with Papa.


	33. Pain Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia and the rest of the survivors are rescued by the Carpathia. He spends some time in the ship's hospital recovering from his injuries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just can't stop writing this so enjoy all these quick chapters while they last.

April 15th, 1912

I wasn't able to climb up the ladder on the side of the ship due to my ribs, so the crew members of the Carpathia rigged up a sling to bring myself and other injured passengers aboard. 

Once my feet touched solid deck, I collapsed in relief. I finally had a sense of safety again. I sobbed into my knees until I felt someone pull me to my feet again. 

It was a steward. "Come with me sir," he said. "We need to get you some medical attention." 

My mind immediately went to the last thought I had when I had first seen them coming to our rescue. "No," I whispered in protest. "I have to find Alessandro." I tried pulling away.

The steward tightened his grip. "There will be time for that later. They are still unloading the boats." 

I began to panic. "Please," I begged. "I have to find him. I can't live without him…" I sobbed again, dropping down to the deck.

"Sir, I understand you're upset but this cannot wait. You are suffering from frostbite and hypothermia. At least let us get you some dry clothes." 

I swallowed, knowing that he was right. I took a breath and gave up my fight. "Alright," I said, climbing unsteadily to my feet again. 

The man led me through the ship. I really paid no attention to where he was taking me. Truth be told, I didn't really care. All I wanted was to be left alone so that I could look for Papa. 

I was brought to the infirmary and placed on a bed between a few others, separated by curtains. A nurse came to me almost immediately. "If you could remove your clothes for me sir, I have a gown for you. I'll also get you some pain medication and warm blankets." She handed me the gown and then stepped around to the other bed, pulling the curtain closed behind her. 

I slowly removed the wet and cold clothes. Once I was naked, I slipped on the gown. It wasn't overly thick and I felt a bit exposed wearing it but I sat down on the bed and waited. 

My gaze fell on the coat I had left on the chair. Tears welled in my eyes and my heart ached as I stared at the purple grucifix. "Alessandro," I whispered through my sobs. I slid off the bed and with shaking hands I approached the chair. "Please come back to me Alessandro…" I traced over the material. A frown came to my face as I felt something in the pocket underneath. 

Curiously, I picked up the coat and stuck my hand into the pocket. My hands closed around the cold leather of Papa's ritual book. I had forgotten that I had grabbed it before leaving Papa's suite. 

I pulled it out, praying that it wasn't ruined. The pages were wet and I cried, afraid that I wouldn't be able to read them again. Clutching the book to my chest I turned back to the bed and crawled into it, sobbing into the pillow. 

After a few moments I heard the curtain get pulled back. I didn't look up. "Sir, I have some morphine for you and heated blankets." The nurse said gently. "The doctor will be in a little while to assess your injuries. He is currently attending to another passenger. Is there anything else I can get for you in the meantime?"

I shook my head as she covered me in the warm blankets. They burned against my cold skin. I took the morphine she handed me, grateful for the chance at pain relief. 

"I will dispose of these clothes for you." 

"No!" I sat up suddenly, the pain in my side making me gasp. "No," I repeated, this time less panicked. "I'm sorry," I apologized when I saw a slight fear in her eyes. "Those have sentimental value to me. I'd like to keep them." 

She shrugged. "You may keep them if you wish, sir." 

I nodded in relief, dropping back down onto the bed. I wasn't ready to give up anything that reminded me of Papa. I would need his things if I was to get through this. 

By the time the doctor came to see me I was in a painkiller induced haze and barely conscious. He pressed on my side a few times and checked my legs and feet. "Your frostbite is minor, be thankful of that. But your ribs are broken. At least two," the doctor explained, and I had suspected as much when Papa had told me that he was going to be extra careful with me. My heart wrenched at the thought of him. "I will keep you here for a little while longer but I do not see the need for you to stay here until we arrive in New York." I nodded slowly, fighting to keep my eyes open. "You can rest some. The nurse will return later to check your temperature. Once it returns to normal I will release you." 

"Thank you." The doctor nodded and placed a hand on my shoulder before leaving me alone once more. 

Pulling the blanket up to my chin, I swallowed and sighed. I had all I could do to keep from crying. I desperately wanted my Pope, I needed to feel his warm body pressed up against mine. My tears fell again and I cried myself into a drug induced sleep. 

~*~

I don't know how long I slept for. It could have been days for all I cared. When I finally awoke, I prayed that everything I had just went through was a horrible dream. It wasn't. 

The nurse was standing over me. "Would you like another heated blanket, sir?" 

I stared at her, my mind still clouded from the morphine. It took me a moment before I could respond. "Yes," I muttered. I didn't feel cold to the touch. The feeling wasn't physical. My heart and soul felt cold and empty. 

"You are welcome to stay and sleep some more, but there is no medical reason to keep you here." 

I nodded and a question came to my mind. "The other passengers, have they all been brought aboard?" 

"Yes," the nurse replied. 

I tried to push myself up, knowing that I needed to go and search for Papa. If he was here chances are he would be looking for me as well and I didn't want to make him suffer with the same thoughts I had. 

My body refused to cooperate though and I groaned in pain. Even with the morphine I still hurt. Hours of standing in that freezing water with broken ribs had taken a serious toll on me physically and I felt stiff and heavy. 

My nurse moved to my side and gently pushed me back down onto the bed. "Rest some more," she said gently. "There will be time for whatever it is you need to do later." 

I cried, clinging to Papa's ritual book. The only thing I wanted was him. I didn't care about my physical state. There would be time for my body to heal once I was in his arms again. 

My body was draped in warmth again as the nurse changed the blankets. I allowed it to provide a little bit of comfort. 

"Sir?" I looked up through tear filled eyes. She was looking at Papa's coat on the chair. 

I lifted my head, wondering why she was doing that. "Yes?" I whispered, voice wavering. 

"What is your name?" She looked back over at me. 

"Andrea Copia," I said with a slight frown. 

She shook her head suddenly. "I'm sorry I just thought…" she trailed off like she was about to say something she shouldn't have. 

My heart began to pound in my chest as realization dawned on me. My nurse must have recognized Papa's coat. Panic washed over me and I sat upright again, ignoring every protest in my body. "You thought, what?" I asked, voice shaking as I fought to keep the sudden relief buried deep inside. 

She looked at me again and muttered something under her breath before replying. "Is that your coat?" 

"It is mine, yes," I replied, afraid that they would think me a thief if I said no. "It was given to me by Papa Emeritus." My voice broke as I spoke his name. 

"There is another survivor," the nurse replied slowly. "He was brought aboard wearing a similar one." 

My eyes widened and my heart jumped as I finally allowed myself to feel that relief I had forced away when she had first started talking. My Alessandro was alive and he was somewhere on this ship. I needed to get to him. I needed to tell him that I was alright.

"Take me to him," I cried desperately to her. "Take me to Alessandro." My own needs forgotten, I moved my aching legs to the side of the bed and pushed myself off the bed. 

What happened after that I wasn't sure. I remember pain; a horrible burning pain in my feet before the darkness claimed me.


	34. I'm Not Leaving Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion and lots of tears.

April 15th, 1912

When I awoke again I was back in the hospital bed. I didn't know how long I was out for but I was alone so it had to have been awhile. 

I pushed myself up with weak and shaking arms. This time I moved more slowly and I was able to stand without passing out again. My entire body protested while I walked. 

Grabbing the curtain, I pulled it aside and continued my slow walk across the floor. I had no idea where I was going but since the nurse had seen Papa, I assumed that he was here in the infirmary as well. 

"You should not be walking around unassisted, sir." My nurse appeared beside me, wrapping an arm around me. She tried to get me to turn back around towards my hospital bed. "You need to be resting after fainting." 

"I will," I said, and it wasn't a lie. I just wouldn't rest until I found Papa. "Show me where Papa is and then I will go back and rest." 

She looked at me sympathetically and for a moment I thought that maybe he had died while I was sleeping. "I will take you to him if that is what it will take to get you back in bed." 

"Yes, please," I begged. My heart skipping beats as it fluttered wildly. 

I ignored my pain as best I could as she slowly moved me through the small hospital. We approached the end of the hallway and stopped in front of a door. "His injuries are a little worse than yours, but the doctor is hopeful that he will make a full recovery." She let go of me and reached for the door. "He is asleep but you may wake him if you need to." 

It took all of my self restraint not to rush into that room and pull Papa into my arms. I stopped just inside the room and heard the soft click of the door being closed behind me.

I let out the breath I was holding in as I laid eyes upon my beautiful Pope. He was sleeping peacefully, or so it appeared. The steady rise and fall of his chest reassured me that he was in fact, alive. His skin was a deathly shade of pale white, tinged in blue. There was a large gash on the right side of his forehead that had been stitched and bandaged. Any other injuries that he had were covered by the thick layers of blankets atop his body. 

"Alessandro…" I whispered through my tears. I moved slowly over to the chair beside the bed, collapsing into it with a small whimper. I reached for Papa's hand and took it into my own. 

I dropped my head to the edge of the bed and sobbed. He was cold, so much that I feared he was dying. His skin burned against mine but I refused to let go of his hand. 

I felt Papa squeeze my hand slightly and my breath hitched. "Andrea?" his voice was extremely hoarse and barely a whisper. But it was his voice and the sound of it made me sob harder. I had been afraid that I was never going to hear it again. I looked up into his gorgeous mismatched eyes and my heart filled with love. They were wide and glassy, I could tell that he was in pain. "You're crying, darling." 

I smiled at him through my tears. "Don't you dare tell me to stop," I whispered with a small laugh. 

"Ah the happy tears," Papa replied with a smile of his own although it was pained. "I'm not going to ask you to stop. I would cry too if it didn't hurt so much." 

I brought my other hand up to his face and cupped his cheek. "I thought you were gone, Alessandro. I didn't want to fight if it meant a life without you." Papa turned his head and pressed a kiss to my palm. "You're so cold." 

"I feel cold," he replied softly and I could tell he was fighting tears. "That water was so cold, Andrea. I wasn't sure I was going to survive. I feared freezing to death in minutes." 

"I know," I cried. "I'd never felt such pain in my life. I never want to experience that again, Alessandro." 

"And I will make sure that you don't, my love," Papa said, tears now running down his cheeks. 

I looked at him as we both cried. I wiped his tears away. All of this hurt but it was nothing compared to what I had experienced when we were separated. "Can I kiss you, Papa?" I longed to feel his lips on mine again but I would hold off if kissing would hurt him. 

"Of course, my sweet Copia," he replied, smiling at me again. "I've missed your kisses." 

"And I've missed yours," I whispered, pushing myself up. I braced my arms on the bed and leaned over, careful not to put any weight on his body, and kissed him. I wanted to press my lips hard into his but I held back, keeping it gentle and loving. His lips held a bit of his familiar warmth and I pulled away as I started sobbing again. 

Sitting back down I leaned over and put my head down on the bed. Papa petted soothingly over my hair. I sighed in exhaustion and closed my eyes. 

I hadn't rested for more than a few moments when I heard the door open. I looked up to see the nurse standing at the foot of Papa's bed with some more blankets. "You should be resting, Mr. Copia." The nurse pulled the old blankets off of Papa and replaced them with the new ones. 

"I am resting," I replied sleepily and looked at Papa. "I won't leave him, so don't ask me to." 

"He needs rest too you know," she replied. 

I said nothing. There was no way I was leaving this room. Papa and I had been separated long enough and I was not about to leave him after just finding him again. My head dropped to the bed once more and I pressed my face onto the mattress. I cried, clutching Papa's hand tightly. I felt the nurse place her hand on my shoulder and I groaned quietly. 

"You know nothing you say will convince him," Papa whispered. "Andrea loves me and I am afraid that he has developed some separation anxiety. Let him stay." He brought our joined hands to his lips and pressed a tender kiss to the back of my hand. I sobbed quietly into the mattress. 

"I shouldn't," the nurse said. 

"You must," Papa replied. "I insist that he stays here with me." 

"I will see what I can do about getting something for Mr Copia to sleep on," she said. "I am going to insist that both of you get some rest. Your bodies need to heal." 

"I am aware," Papa said. "Thank you." 

I lifted my head when I heard the door close. "Alessandro,' I cried meeting his gaze. "Thank you." Papa reached out and caressed my cheek with his thumb, wiping away my tears. 

"Please don't cry anymore, Andrea," he whispered. "It hurts too much to see you like this." 

"I cannot stop it," I replied. "I am still afraid, Alessandro." 

"Afraid of what, my darling?" Papa asked.

"I'm still scared of losing you." I looked at him with tear-filled, desperate eyes. "You are hurt, and I am scared that you are not going to be okay." 

"I will be just fine, Andrea," Papa said, reassuringly. "I promise you." 

I stared at him as I remembered what he said to me right before he had left in the deck chair back on the Titanic. My tears stopped and I sucked in a breath as I suddenly felt a slight anger. "Just like your last promise?" I inquired with a hint of resentment. 

The light in Papa's eyes died slightly as he realized what I was getting at. "I'm sorry," he whispered, dropping his gaze in shame. "I should never have left you alone. If I had known exactly what would have happened...I wish to take all of that back, but I know I can't. It's too late. I prayed to Lucifer for you, Andrea. I begged my Master to let me live and I asked him to save you as well. I had to have faith that if I survived, that you would too. My love for you, it was the only reason why I fought so hard. I had to believe that I would return to you, just like I'd promised." 

His words brought back the tears and I felt the familiar warming sensation of my love for him in my chest. "And you did," I replied, standing up on my weak legs to kiss him again. It was hard for me to keep my restraint. I whimpered against his lips, desperately wanting to deepen the kiss. 

Papa sensed this and brought a hand up to the back of my neck, he pushed my head down gently, letting me know that he was okay with it. I parted my lips and immediately Papa's tongue was in my mouth, seeking out mine. 

We both cried as we kissed deeply and passionately in the hospital room.


	35. Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia reaches a breaking point. Papa does what he can to provide comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is was actually done last night but I held onto it in case I wanted to add more to the chapter before posting. But I am moving on to the next one. 
> 
> Ya'll are posting Yule fluff and I'm over here torturing these two. 🤣

April 15th, 1912

Our kiss was interrupted by the nurse returning to the room. I blushed and pulled away from Papa, giving him a shy smile before sitting back down. "Unfortunately I do not have an extra chair or cot for you to sleep on sir," she addressed me. "But what we can do is move Papa Emeritus to another bed, next to yours." She looked at Papa. "If that is okay with you." 

"Of course," he replied. 

She nodded and walked around to the other side of Papa's bed. "Can you walk on your own, Mr. Copia? I will need to assist Papa Emeritus." 

"Yes," I said but I wasn't sure. My pain medication was wearing off and my entire body was starting to hurt again. I took in a breath and told myself that I had to be sure. I pushed myself to my feet and used the wall to steady myself. 

"You can head back to your bed. I will bring Papa to the bed beside yours." I froze, my fearful eyes locked on Papa's face. My heart began pounding and I felt my stomach flip. My breathing increased rapidly as I began to panic. I didn't want to leave the room without him. 

"You can go Andrea," Papa said softly. "I will be right there." 

"No, Alessandro," I whispered. "I won't leave you." 

Papa turned to the nurse. "Can we have a few moments?" 

"Yes," she replied and moved to the door. 

I began crying again once we were alone. "Come here, darling," Papa whispered, patting the edge of the bed. He shifted closer to the other side of the bed as I walked back towards him. Papa hissed in pain as he moved. When I sat down he looked up at me with pained eyes. "Andrea…" his voice was soft and gentle. I wanted to cry harder. He took my hand. "I know you're scared, but I know you can do this, darling. It'll only be for a few minutes." 

"I can't," I cried and felt my heart breaking again. I was suddenly in severe pain again, I leaned over and screamed. This was all too much. I did have Papa back and that helped but I was broken, both my body and my heart. I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed again as my sobs caused the pain of my broken ribs to intensify. My head started to spin. 

Suddenly there were two sets of hands on me, lifting me from the bed. I twisted my body in fear as I tried to escape their tight grasp. Whomever it was, they were taking me away from Papa. I was having an intense panic attack. One like I had never experienced before. "Alessandro!" I cried, flailing desperately and trying to reach for him. "Alessandro, help me, please…" 

I felt him grab my hand and I snapped my head in that direction, my distraught gaze searched for his but I never found it. 

"You will not take him unless I go with him." I heard Papa say firmly. If there was a response, I didn't hear it. My hand went limp in Papa's and I fell asleep. 

~*~

I felt like I couldn't move. My entire body felt heavy and I was barely conscious. I wanted to cling to sleep but my brain was screaming at me to get up. I remembered what had happened and I tried lifting an arm but found that I couldn't. 

Forcing my eyes open, I turned my head and saw that I was back in my hospital bed. The fact that I couldn't move scared me and I tried pulling my arms up again. "No," I cried when I realized that I was strapped down to the bed. I was beginning to panic again. Where was my Alessandro? He had been here just moments before or what had felt like just moments. It likely wasn't, I realized. 

I needed him. I needed to know that what had happened between us wasn't just a dream. I needed to know that he was alright. 

I struggled against my restraints and realized that my legs were also tied down. "No," I cried again. "Alessandro…" 

A warm hand reached out and softly caressed my cheek. I stopped moving and turned my head, whimpering when I met Papa's sympathetic gaze. "I'm right here, Andrea," he whispered soothingly. "Don't struggle, darling. It'll only make them come back and tighten the restraints." I sobbed as he wiped away my tears.

"What happened to me, Alessandro?" I asked. "What did they do to me?" 

"You had a bad panic attack," Papa explained quietly. "I'm assuming they gave you some sort of tranquilizer. You passed out quickly." 

I sighed when I felt him take my hand. I took in a breath trying to calm myself. "Is that why I'm so tired?" I asked. 

Papa hummed quietly. "It is," he replied. "Although I suspect they also dosed you with more morphine. That mixed with the night you had, I didn't expect you to wake so soon." 

"How are you still awake?" I asked quietly. 

"I am tired, Andrea," he whispered. "My body and my mind are exhausted but my heart wouldn't let me sleep. Not until I saw that you were alright." 

"How long was I out for?" 

Papa looked away and bit his lip. "I do not know," he replied and his voice sounded pained. "They would not bring me here right away." He looked ashamed when his gaze finally met mine again. "I am truly sorry for leaving you alone in that deck chair last night. I did not think things would go like they did. Please understand that I had no intentions of leaving you to fight for your life. I should have been there to help you through this. It is my fault that you are so broken, my darling." He was crying, tears streaming down his beautiful face. 

I went to reach for him and sobbed out in frustration when I couldn't. "Undo these restraints, Papa," I pleaded. "Please. I need to touch you." 

"I promised the nurse I wouldn't," he replied sadly. "It was the only way I could convince her to bring me back to you." 

I looked away, biting my lip to keep from sobbing. I began to tremble from my tears. 

"Andrea..." Papa reached for my chin and tilted my head back towards his. He was crying too. "I am hurting quite a bit but I think I can gather enough strength to hold myself up to kiss you. Would that help you, my love?" 

I nodded, lips trembling as Papa pushed himself up on one arm to lean over me. I lifted my head and met him halfway. 

Our lips crashed together in a hard and deep kiss. I ran my tongue along Papa's bottom lip and he opened his mouth for me. We slid our tongues against each other and I whimpered into his mouth when I felt his other hand undoing the straps on my restraints. 

Once my hands were free, I wrapped them around his back. I wanted to hug him close, to feel his body against mine again. But I held back, I knew I would hurt him if I gripped him any harder. 

Papa pulled back with a gasp and rolled onto his back beside me, breathing heavily in pain. "I'm sorry that hurt you, Alessandro," I whispered. 

"It was worth it, my darling," he breathed. "Everything is worth it when it comes to you." 

"Can you lay on me?" I asked him. I still craved his touch and my heart ached without it. "Will it hurt you?" 

"The movement will hurt me, yes," Papa replied. "But I do not believe that cuddles with you will be painful." He gave me a smile. 

I shifted closer to the side of my bed to make room for him. My legs were still restrained but I made it work. Our beds were pushed up against each other but there was still a small gap between them and I did not want him laying on that. 

Papa hissed in pain as I watched him slide across onto my bed. He settled on his left side and turned his body so that he was laying across me. It put some pressure on my ribs but I was too desperate to care. I took his hand in mine and pressed a loving kiss to the top of his head. "I love you, Alessandro," I whispered, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. 

"I love you too, my sweet Andrea," he replied. 

I sighed contently. For the first time since the disaster, I felt like I could finally sleep without worry. I gripped Papa's hand tightly and closed my eyes, giving in to my drug induced fatigue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's quite sad how people with mental illness were treated back then. 😭


	36. I've Missed Your Touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa and Copia share an intimate moment in the infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this contains a bit of a public hand job.

April 15th, 1912

I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to stay asleep, blissfully unaware of just how much my body hurt. But as my mind pulled me from my heavy state of unconsciousness, I became fully aware of my pain. 

The warm body on top of mine felt heavy but I didn't want to move. The familiar weight provided a well needed comfort. 

I sighed quietly, bringing up a hand to pet through Papa's hair. "Are you awake, Alessandro?" I whispered. He didn't move or make a sound and I had a slight moment of panic before I realized that he was breathing. 

I thought it best if I let him sleep. He was more injured than I was and I was in enough pain. I didn't want to wake him if it meant making him suffer. 

I laid still and closed my eyes again. Sleep didn't come this time and I found that the longer I stayed there, the more restless I became. I wondered why the nurse hadn't returned to check on us. Part of me didn't want her to return in case she decided to put my wrists back in the restraints. It was not necessary. I had only panicked because I thought I was going to be separated from Papa again. He was here with me and as long as I could be with him, there was no risk of me having another attack like that. 

Staring at the ceiling, I kept my hand on Papa's head, gently caressing. I knew he couldn't feel it physically but I hoped that I was able to provide some comfort to him. I wished the pain in my body would cease. I was tired of the constant ache.

It wasn't long before I felt Papa move. He groaned and lifted his head to look at me with sleep heavy eyes. "You're awake, my darling," Papa whispered. 

"Yes," I replied with a small smile. "How are you feeling?" 

Papa let out a slightly pained laugh. "I was just going to ask you the same thing." 

"I am better now that you are here in my arms," I whispered. 

"Try not to panic like that again, Andrea," Papa said. "I know you can't help it, but these people do not know you like I do. They will not believe that you aren't faking it for attention." 

"I'm sorry, Alessandro," I said, voice wavering. My lip trembled as I bit it. I didn't want to have another attack like that. The intense pain I felt with it was excruciating. 

"Don't apologize," he replied quietly. "I know why it happened." Papa's voice broke. I didn't need to look down at him to know that he was crying. 

I moved my hand to his face and ran the back of my hand along his cheek. "Can you shift up, Alessandro?" I asked. 

"Do you want to kiss me?" Papa asked and I picked up on the bit of playfulness in his tone. 

"Yes," I sighed, fisting my hand into his hair. I gave a gentle tug and Papa made a quiet sound that was half moan, half whimper. 

"Andrea…" he whispered with a sigh of his own. "We're both too sore for this." I felt him move though and Papa used his arms to shift up closer to me. 

The space in the bed was horribly cramped at this point but I don't think either of us cared as we kissed hot and heavy in each other's arms. 

Papa's hand slid down my side, careful to avoid my broken ribs, and he took my hand in his own, lacing our fingers together. He squeezed tight a few times before letting go and tracing up my chest. 

I broke the kiss with a small gasp when he thumbed over my nipple. "Don't tease me, Papa," I whispered, blushing slightly. There was only a curtain separating us from the rest of the infirmary. "You know what your touches do to me." 

"Afraid we will get caught, dear Copia?" Papa laughed lightly and dipped his head to suck on my neck.

"Yes," I replied quickly, trying not to respond so positively to what he was doing to me. 

Although I was anxious that we would get caught, my body refused to listen to my mind. A small moan escaped my lips as Papa sucked a bruise into my collarbone. 

I let my hand pet through his hair again and Papa lifted his gaze. "If you want me to stop, Andrea, say so." 

I bit my lip and shook my head slowly. "Just promise to stay quiet, Alessandro," I whispered. What my Pope was doing to me helped to ease both my physical and emotional pain. I longed to be pain free. I longed for him. "And if someone approaches that you will stop immediately."

Papa nodded. "Of course," he replied as he kissed along my jaw. "Where are you injured, darling? Is it just your ribs or are you hurt elsewhere as well?" 

"Just my ribs, I think," I replied. "I had frostbite and hypothermia but that is better." 

"Good," Papa said as he leaned over to kiss me again. His hand trailed down my body, lightly touching me through the thin hospital gown. I moaned quietly as my skin started to tingle. A familiar heat stirred between my legs. "Try to stay still," Papa whispered as his hand found the hem of the gown. He pushed it up to just above my bellybutton. I shivered, biting my lip when I felt him begin to trace tiny circles on my inner thighs.

"Papa…" I whined, trying to lift my hips up. 

He stilled his movements, leaning over to whisper into my ear. "What did I just tell you?" Papa's voice was laced with desire. He stuck his tongue out and licked me. I groaned as I felt my cock twitch slightly. 

I looked up at him with a desperate gaze. "To stay still," I muttered. 

"That's a good, Andrea," Papa replied smiling at me. My breath hitched as I felt his hand wrap around my half hard cock. 

Papa lavished attention to my neck as he stroked me slowly. I moaned quietly as a pleasant warming sensation washed over my body. "Alessandro…" I whimpered when Papa's hand squeezed me tightly. I hardened in his grip. 

"You've missed my touches, haven't you?" Papa asked, voice thick. "I did not expect your body to respond so quickly, darling." 

"I'm always missing your touches," I whispered, tears forming in my eyes as my burning pleasure intensified. Papa thumbed over my tip, coating his hand in my prerelease. "I will always crave you, Papa." I sighed, trying to keep still. I wanted to thrust my hips up, I wiggled slightly instead. 

Papa removed his hand from me. "If you don't keep still, I'm going to stop," he said. "I don't want you hurting yourself." 

"And here I thought this was some play at dominance," I replied, blushing. I did like the idea of being dominated by Papa but it seemed that I would have to save that experience for later. 

"Do you like that idea, Andrea?" Papa inquired, wrapping his hand back around my cock. He squeezed it a little roughly this time. 

"Oh, yes," I whined, both in response to his words and his actions. "Please…" Papa smiled at me and began a faster jerking motion, leaning over to kiss me to quiet my surprised gasps. 

He twisted his wrist over the head of my cock and I was lost to my pleasure. I kissed Papa deeply, my hands reaching for him. 

My hand fisted into his hospital gown and I held on tight as I felt the desire in me reach its peak. 

"Alessandro..." I moaned as that burning desire released in waves of intense pleasure. Our gazes locked and Papa kissed me through my orgasm. 

Papa squeezed me one final time, making me whimper as I was hit with a post orgasm shock. He pulled his hand out from under the blanket, and licked his hand clean of my release. "You taste so good, my love," he whispered with a low groan before pulling my gown back down. 

I looked up at him with heavy eyes. "You think so, Papa?" I asked, blushing.

"Yes, I do," he replied, humming contently. I smiled, trailing my hand down his body. Papa took my wrist and gently removed it from his hip. "This was for you, darling. I am hurting too much." 

I whimpered and Papa threaded our fingers together, laying his head on my chest. "I promise you that I will be well again soon," he whispered, placing a few loving kisses to my neck. I relaxed against him, my pain was gone and if it was only for a short while I welcomed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone!


	37. I am Nothing Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa and Copia are released from the infirmary and are graciously given a first class suite on the Carpathia to rest and recover in. During some cuddle time, Copia has an important question for his Pope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short but there is more to come.

April 16th, 1912

Papa had to do some heavy persuasion on my behalf with the medical staff to get me released from the infirmary. But once we were both released, the crew of the Carpathia kindly offered us a free first class suite to keep us comfortable for the remainder of the voyage. Papa insisted on paying for the accommodations, however. 

Some of the passengers had graciously given us some clean clothes to wear and while they didn't quite fit properly, neither of us complained. 

I was mostly able to move around on my own. The pain meds certainly helped. Papa was mostly confined to the bed. I had learned that he also had broken ribs, although a few more than I did. His entire right side was covered in dark bluish bruises. I hadn't had the heart to ask him what he had gone through to survive. It hurt too much just seeing his beautiful body so broken. Thankfully the rest of his skin had returned to its normal color. 

"Do you want another pain pill, Alessandro?" I asked him as I sat down on the bed next to him. I held the morphine bottle in my hand, having just taken one myself. 

"I am okay for now, darling," Papa replied. He was eating some food off the dinner plate one of the stewards had brought us not too long ago. I reached for a half sandwich and ate it, grateful that we were able to get the food brought to us. I did not feel like going out and looking for it. 

I watched as Papa ate, not ever wanting him out of my sight again. I knew deep down that it wasn't practical in the long run but for now I needed it and I knew that Papa knew it too. 

He finished his sandwich and followed it with a glass of water before relaxing back into the pillows I had arranged for him. He looked at me with a small smile. "Will you lay with me, Andrea? I wish to hold you." 

"Yes, Papa," I replied, giving him a smile of my own. I removed the tray of food from the bed, setting it down on a nearby table, and returned to the bed. It wasn't as big as the bed we had back on the Titanic, but it was sufficient enough. It was comfortable and warm. 

I propped myself up beside him as best I could without being in too much pain and felt him wrap his arms around me. I sighed and closed my eyes, letting the feel of his body against mine provide comfort from my pains. 

As we lay there listening to each other's steady breathing, I let my thoughts wander. When we left the hospital, I had wanted to take the wet clothes that I had spent that horrific night in but Papa insisted that I let them go. He would purchase all new items for us once we arrived in New York as these would just serve as a painful reminder of what we had gone through. I eventually agreed, after shedding a few tears. The real reason why I wanted to hold onto them was because I had thought that Papa was gone. Now that I knew he wasn't, I could let them go easier. 

The other item that I had escaped with, I refused to let go and Papa was also adamant that we be allowed to keep it as well. The ritual book may have been damaged beyond repair but neither of us were willing to part with it. 

Upon arriving in the suite, I had set it on a small table next to the bed. I had not opened it since bringing it here, the pages had dried but I was afraid that they would tear too easily. Papa had picked it up once, but he too, did not read any of the pages. 

I wondered what would become of the rituals and other scriptures written in its pages. Surely Papa and his family would remember what they had written in them? Maybe it could be read after all? Part of me wanted to pick it up and see but I don't know if Papa would forgive me if I damaged it further. 

I thought about the ordainment ritual. Personally I would not have minded if Papa decided to rewrite it. I knew though that it wasn't likely since the church of Satan had used this particular ritual since it had been founded, and Papa was already going to make an exception for me. 

My next thought was of the marriage ritual. Tears came to my eyes as I realized that even though I had read it a couple of times, I did not remember it that well. I hoped that Papa did. I longed to read it again. My breath hitched as I started to sob. 

"You're crying, darling," Papa whispered, pulling me closer to him and placing little soothing kisses to my neck. I cried harder as I felt my heart flutter. There was something I wanted to ask him. 

"Alessandro?" I cried, opening my eyes and lifting my head to look at him. Concern shone in his mismatched eyes. I wasn't so sure I should be asking this so suddenly but after what we went through I couldn't risk spending the rest of my life without him. 

"What is it, Andrea?" Papa asked, voice laced with worry. I think he thought I was in pain. I was, but it was a good pain. My love for him was so strong that it ached in the most delightful way. 

"Marry me, Alessandro," I whispered quickly before my anxiety stopped me. "When we get to the church in New York, I want us to get married in the name of our Dark Lord." I sucked in a fast breath. I knew I was ranting but I had to get all of this out. "I want you more than I want life itself. I want only you. I long for no one else. When I thought I had lost you I was ready to join you in that freezing cold water. I prayed for death because I did not desire to live without you. I begged the men who pulled me from that cold hell to put me back. Please, Alessandro," I begged, staring into his slightly surprised eyes. "I am nothing without you. I love you so much." 

I gasped for breath as my heart beat wildly in my chest and tears streamed down my face. Papa was looking at me with a smile on his face, adoration alight in his beautiful eyes. "Please say yes, Papa," I whispered, voice desperate and wavering. 

Suddenly Papa's hand fisted in my shirt and he pulled me on top of him. He kissed me hard and passionately. When we parted our gazes met and we held them for a few moments. I let out a desperate sob as I searched his face for any sign of an answer.

"Yes," Papa whispered, smiling adoringly at me and resting his forehead against mine. "Yes, I will marry you Andrea Copia."

I laughed, smiling back at him as we both cried happy tears. My heart had never felt happier. I leaned down and kissed him deeply.


	38. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa and Copia share with each other how they survived the long night. Copia starts to show signs of severe emotional trauma and Papa worries, accidentally making it worse for Copia.

April 16th, 1912 - April 17th, 1912

When we parted, we were both breathless. I rolled off of Papa, more for his benefit than mine. I was worried about hurting him if I stayed there too long. "I had a feeling that you were going to ask me this, sooner rather than later," Papa said, a thoughtful expression on his face. He gestured towards the book on the table. "I had rewritten the marriage ritual, a couple of days ago, while you were reading in the lounge." He brought a hand up to my cheek and rubbed it with his thumb. I leaned into his gentle touches. He smiled at me. "I was going to share it with you after we had made love in front of the fireplace, but as you know, other things got in the way of my plans." He sighed and turned his head towards me. I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. 

"I'm sorry that didn't work out for you, Alessandro," I whispered. I looked over at the book and was tempted to pick it up but I kept my hands at my sides and Papa grabbed one and held it in his own. 

"It worked out in the end though, didn't it?" I nodded and Papa kissed me again, long and sweet. 

Papa sighed again when we parted. "Are you alright, Papa?" I asked, a little worried that something was bothering him.

He looked at me. "News of the disaster will soon reach the mainland, if it hasn't already, and I'm dreading having to send a telegram to my father back in Sweden." 

"He will be happy to hear that you are alive, will he not?" I said. His family couldn't hate him so much that they wished him dead in the sinking.

"He will," Papa agreed. "But only because he needn't worry about having to find a replacement for me." He took in a bit of a shaky breath. "I didn't exactly leave on good terms with my father. We had an argument shortly before I left the church." 

"I'm sure he will be thankful just to know that you're okay, Alessandro," I replied. Tears welled up in my eyes as I continued. "I don't think there were many of us who did manage to make it. So few lifeboats were full." 

"I know," Papa whispered, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his warm embrace. "I am just so glad that you are here with me." I cried softly in his arms. "Forgive me if you don't want to answer this now, Andrea," Papa said, looking down at me with a sympathetic gaze. "But I would like to know, how did you get into a lifeboat?" 

I pushed myself up slightly and raked a hand over my face, wiping away my tears. I began talking. "After the lifeboat was swept into the water, I forced myself to get out of the chair to look for you. I didn't know where you had gone and I thought you had been pulled into the sea. The funnel crashed into the water and I ended up getting knocked off my feet and pulled into the water." Tears started to sting at my eyes again, I blinked them away and continued, voice monotone. "I thought I was going to drown, I was terrified. The wireless operator, Harold Bride and a couple of other men on top of the boat pulled me from the water. Lightoller was mad at them for doing it but they refused to put me back, even after I begged them to." I cried freely now, not able to stop it. Papa took my hand and held it. "We spent the night trying to keep what little air was left under the boat by rocking against the waves. It didn't work so well, by the time I was ready to give up again the water was up to our knees and I was in so much pain, Alessandro. I just wanted to die." I paused and took a drink of water, hoping that it would soothe my sore throat and help to keep me from crying so hard. "Another boat rowed over to us and we got in with them. I was so exhausted but I couldn't sleep, no matter how much I wanted it. I didn't sleep until I was in the hospital and given the morphine." 

I looked up at Papa and saw that he was crying. He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "I am so sorry you had to go through that alone," he whispered. 

"Being away from you was worse than the physical pain," I replied. "But Harold did everything he could to comfort me. I'm afraid that if he hadn't been the one to pull me from the water, that I would have given up." 

"Remind me to find him and thank him for this," Papa said, smiling slightly. He brought a hand up to my cheek and cupped it, kissing me on the lips. We kissed for a moments, lazy and sweet. 

When we parted, I laid my head on his shoulder, still silently crying. "When I was pulled into the water, I became disoriented from the shock of feeling such pain," Papa spoke quietly, bringing up a hand to stroke my hair soothingly. "I wasn't able to concentrate enough to determine where I had to go. When the funnel broke, the wave knocked me into the side of the ship. I knew I had hit my head but I was unaware of the rest of my injuries. As I swam, I found myself on the other side of the ship, there was a lifeboat that had been washed off of the deck without it's collapsible sides up. It was half filled with water, but it was still a boat and would allow me some relief from being fully submerged. I knew that it wouldn't keep me alive much longer but it was the best I could hope for." Papa looked over at me. "That's when I prayed, Andrea," he whispered. "I prayed to our Dark Lord and he answered them." Papa kissed me. "It was when I attempted to climb into the boat unassisted that I knew I had more than just a head injury. There were others in the boat and I begged them to pull me in. They did, but I was unable to sit up so I was forced to lay in the water. I was sure I was going to die, it was hours before another boat came to our rescue. Many of the others in the boat had already died and I wasn't far behind. If I had stayed in that boat for another five minutes, I wouldn't have survived. At first the doctor was not sure I would but they did what they could and I started to improve, eventually they told me that I would recover. I am surprised I remembered most of what I went through. My thoughts of you were the only things that kept me from going to sleep."

"I love you, Alessandro," I whispered. I knew I had said it to him a lot, but I always wanted him to know it. "I am glad that you didn't give up." 

"I am too," Papa whispered, placing a kiss on my forehead. 

"How are you feeling?" I asked, threading my hand into his hair and tugging lightly. 

Papa hummed, a hint of a smirk on his face. His fingers wrapped around my wrist and removed my hand from his head. He kissed my palm. "So needy," he muttered, now kissing up my arm. "My beautiful Andrea…" I smiled lazily at him, my morphine was starting to kick in and I felt a bit high. "What am I to do with you?" 

"Do to me, Papa," I giggled, giving him a sloppy kiss. 

"You're high, darling," Papa said, gently putting my arm down at my side. "You need to rest and perhaps you should ease back on the morphine a little, yes?" 

I huffed but somewhere my drug addled brain agreed with him. "Yes, fine," I said with a sigh. 

"Just lay here and rest with me for a while, Andrea," Papa replied. "After you sleep this high off, we'll see how you're feeling." 

I didn't particularly like that idea, but I wasn't going to argue with him over it. I put my head down on his shoulder again and closed my eyes.

~*~

I was floating above the water, watching the scene unfold before my eyes. Below me the great ship sat still in the dark vast ocean. It was lit up in warm yellow light. I watched as the beautiful ship slowly began to sink, it's stern rose high in the air before it all went black and the great ship broke in half. The bow disappearing beneath the surface, the back end was pulled upright and, as it too, began to sink, I started to fall. As my body rushed towards the black water I squeezed my eyes shut, screaming and trying to reach for something. My hands finally found something, a body; one that was familiar to me. 

I opened my eyes but all I saw was darkness. I was still screaming but something wasn't right. It took me several minutes to realize that I wasn't actually falling and that I was warm and safe in the arms of my lover. "Alessandro?" I whispered, tears running down my face. I couldn't see anything. 

"I'm here, Andrea," Papa said soothingly. His face was close to mine, I felt his hot breath on my cheeks. "I think you had a nightmare, darling." 

"Why is it so dark?" I muttered. "It's too dark. I can't see you." I started to panic slightly. My breathing increased as I cried, clinging tightly to him. 

"It's nighttime," Papa whispered, laying his head on my shoulder. "It's okay, Andrea, I am here. You're safe. We are both safe." I cried but relaxed into his embrace, trying to catch my breath. "Shh, my love," Papa soothed. He kissed my shoulder and neck tenderly. He lifted his head and brought a hand to my chin, he tilted my head and found my lips with his. 

We kissed gently but I found myself wanting to deepen it. I whimpered, lips trembling against his and Papa got the hint. He pushed at my lips with his tongue and I opened my mouth, meeting his tongue with mine. I tugged on his bottom lip and Papa moaned quietly. 

I broke the kiss and pressed my forehead into his chest. "I am not dealing with this well, Alessandro," I muttered. My hands reached blindly behind me in search of a light. I found one and flicked it on. Our bedroom was bathed in a soft yellow glow. 

"It has only been a day, darling," Papa replied. 

I shook my head, bawling into Papa's shirt. "I don't think I will ever forget this." 

"I don't think we're meant to," Papa said, rubbing a hand up and down my back lightly. "But in time the pain will lessen." He tightened his embrace. "You are a sweet sensitive man, my love. I don't expect you to ever fully forget the ordeal you went through." 

"I panic every time I think about it," I whispered. 

"I know," Papa replied and his voice sounded pained. I looked up at him and he looked like he was trying not to cry. "This separation anxiety that you seemed to have developed, Andrea, will have to be dealt with eventually." He brushed his hand along my cheek. 

"How?" I whispered, afraid. I did like that idea at all. I never wanted to be away from my Pope again. 

"I do not know," Papa said, biting his lip and looking away. "But I am not going to put your emotional wellbeing into the hands of another doctor. I will not let you go through that again. It was bad for me as well." Papa sighed, raising a hand and petting over my hair. "I am assuming it will involve some sort of exposure therapy." 

I shook my head. "I don't want that Papa," I cried, terrified again that he was going to leave me by myself. 

"I know you don't, Andrea," Papa whispered. "It won't be anytime soon. We need time to heal our physical wounds before we work on the emotional ones. I promise you that for now I won't leave your side unless you wish it." 

"Can I have another pain pill, Papa?" I asked, I was aching but I wanted to feel numb emotionally as well. The morphine did that. 

"Does your body hurt, darling?" he replied, looking down at me. 

"A little," I said. "There is some ache, but the emotional pain is what I long to be free from." I reached for the bottle on the bedside table. 

Papa took the bottle from my hand and shook his head. "No," he said with a serious look. "These are too strong for you now." I let out a frustrated sigh and tried to take them back. "Andrea…" Papa warned. "I'm not going to give them to you. Using them to numb your feelings will only bring about new problems. Trust me." 

"Fine," I muttered, bitterly. I pushed myself up and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor but not really seeing it. I wished to stop feeling, if I didn't feel, I wouldn't hurt.

I stood, suddenly wanting to be away from this room. I couldn't explain why, I just knew that I needed to take a walk. When I moved over to the door, Papa spoke up. "Where are you going, Andrea?" 

"To the boat deck," I replied simply. "I need some fresh air." 

I didn't wait for Papa to reply. I unlocked the door, yanked it open and left the cabin.


	39. Erase This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having another severe panic attack, Copia makes a bad decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read this before continuing. I am giving you a few warnings because this deals with some unpleasant subject matter. 
> 
> PRESCRIPTION DRUG ABUSE   
SEVERE DEPRESSION   
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS 
> 
> There is also some sexual advances that are not 100% consensual.

April 17th, 1912

Perhaps this wasn't a good idea after all, my frustrated brain thought as I wandered through the rows of Titanic passengers sleeping in deck chairs. I hadn't grabbed a coat and I was shaking violently as I walked from the cold. The effort of keeping myself standing upright while trembling so much actually started to cause me physical pain, but I ignored it. I kept my gaze straight ahead, there were some people who were still awake at this late hour, but I refused to make eye contact with anyone. 

When I reached the stern of the ship, I stopped several feet from the rail. I could hear the water bubbling underneath the deck from the propellers. Closing my eyes, I took a few steps forward, reaching out and gripping the cold metal railings. 

I bowed my head and took in a breath. My eyes fluttered open and I sight I saw terrified me. The black water churned beneath me, the cold seemed to consume me and I was suddenly transported back to collapsible lifeboat B.

*The boat rocked back and forth on the waves. I fought against the extreme pain and fatigue in my body to stay conscious. Everything hurt and it was so cold. My skin was numb yet I felt everything. I wanted sleep, I wanted death, but most of all, I wanted my Alessandro.* 

I was brought back to the present when I sucked in a deep breath and realized that I was holding onto a cold piece of metal. I was crying and my heart was pounding, I wasn't fully aware of my surroundings as my mind was still partially trapped in the past. I stared down into that cold black vast emptiness below me. 

You could end it all right now, Andrea, a voice inside my head told me. You've been down there before, you know what it feels like. It hurts but this pain you feel now is much worse than death. In death your pain will end.

"No," I cried softly, letting go of the railing and gripping the sides of my head so hard it started an instant headache. 

No one will notice, my brain continued. It will bring you peace. 

I shook my head, as I felt my chest tighten. I was going to have another full blown panic attack if I didn't do anything to stop it. There was only one way I knew of dealing with this. 

Pushing myself away from the railing, I turned and ran down the deck. My feet carried me back to the cabin Papa and I had been given. The light was still on, and Papa was sleeping peacefully in the bed. He had rolled off of the pillows, it looked like he had attempted to get up but couldn't. I watched him for a few moments, I wanted to throw myself at him but stopped when I laid eyes on the bottle of morphine. 

I wasn't entirely sure why I did it but I quickly grabbed the pills and took two. My heart was racing from both anxiety and the excitement of finally being able to feel numb again. I sat down on the floor and leaned up against the side of the bed. With a heavy sigh, I dropped my head back and closed my eyes. 

~*~

My mind was heavily fogged when I became aware of a hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. I heard my name being called from what seemed like a great distance. I was comfortably numb and I wanted to stay this way. I did not want to be roused. 

Groaning, I shrugged the hand off of me. "Leave me alone," I slurred, turning my body and falling over. I had forgotten that there was nothing beside me. "Ow," I muttered. I didn't actually feel anything, I just felt the need to say it. 

"Andrea, sit up," Papa said firmly. He grabbed my arm and pulled. I resisted but it was futile, I lacked the physical coordination to actively pull away. 

"No," I whined as he forced me back into a seated position. My head spun and I closed my eyes. 

"What did you do to yourself, darling?" Papa sounded concerned, upset and a little bit angry. I opened my eyes and looked at him with empty glassy eyes. "You're high again," he whispered, the anger in his voice now more clear. "Damn it, Andrea." 

Papa moved to sit down beside me, his movements were slow and painful. I wanted him but didn't say anything. 

"How many did you take?" Papa asked, he was being pushy with me and I didn't like it. 

"Two," I slurred, rolling my head to look away from him. 

Papa grabbed my chin and forced my unfocused gaze back on his concerned one. "I'm not letting you out of my sight again, Andrea," he said seriously. "Not until I can trust you not to do this anymore." 

"You're not the boss of me, Papa," I replied, my attitude was slowly moving towards anger. 

"No," he agreed. "But I do love you too much to see you hurt yourself like this." 

I looked at him, confused. My brain not properly processing exactly what it was he was trying to say. "I'm not in any pain," I whispered. 

"Of course you're not," Papa said and it was oddly gentle. He reached out and cupped my cheek. "The morphine you took made you numb to all of this." 

"I like it this way," I hissed. "It takes away the hurt." I leaned up against Papa. His body was warm and soft, I moaned quietly placing a hand on his thigh. 

"Let's not do this now, Andrea," Papa warned. He took hold of my wrist and removed it from his leg. 

"Don't you want me to be pain free, Alessandro?" I whined in protest, pulling my arm from his grasp. 

"Yes, of course I do," Papa replied. "But pills aren't the answer." I wasn't listening to him, instead I was watching his lips move as he spoke. Those soft beautiful lips of his…

I leaned over, trying to kiss him. My hands found the front of Papa's pajama pants and I groped him through the material before I fell over into his lap. 

"And neither is this." Papa's hands were on my shoulders and he gently pushed me off of him. "Get in the bed, Andrea," he said, rejecting my advances. "I'll sleep on the floor."

I cried out in frustration. I wanted to feel good. I wanted him to make me feel better. There was a slight throbbing sensation between my legs and I wanted more. I craved more…

"I cannot lift you up," Papa continued. "I can barely lift myself." He struggled to stand but was able to.

"Leave me here then, Alessandro," I muttered bitterly. "I don't want to move." 

Papa shrugged, clearly upset with me. "It's your choice if you wish to remain on the floor, but I won't entertain your drug induced advances." He moved around me and crawled into the bed with a painful groan. The light switched off. "Goodnight, my darling. I hope you know how sorry I am."

I rolled onto my back, staring up at the dark ceiling. "I love you, Alessandro," I whispered and I swore I heard Papa let out a sob. 

"I love you too, Andrea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize this is heavy subject matter for some of you, so I will understand if any of you wish to stop reading. I cannot say how deep this will go with this particular story. It may need to explored more in a sequel, if I decide to do that. Otherwise I will make it right before I end this story. Thanks for reading.


	40. No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papa must help Copia come to terms with what he's doing to himself but it puts a strain on their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty but less heavy subject matter than the last one. I am not entirely happy with this but it is what it is.

April 17th, 1912

I laid on the floor for several hours, listening to Papa snoring softly in the bed above me. By the time I felt the ache in my body return, the sun had started to rise. 

I sat up and groaned. My head immediately spun violently and I thought I was going to pass out. Fighting to stay conscious, I swallowed and took a deep breath. The vertigo finally passed after a few moments and I slowly climbed to my feet. I couldn't stand up straight and my thoughts immediately went to another pain pill. I couldn't find the bottle though, Papa must have put it somewhere I couldn't find. I felt like crying because I hurt too much but I wouldn't give myself that satisfaction. Crying would distract me from my physical pain and that was the only thing keeping my mind out of the darkness that fought to claim it. 

I looked at my Pope laying on the bed. His back was to me and he was laying on his right side. It was his injured side and I wondered if he had done that on purpose. How he slept through the pain I didn't know. 

My heart started to ache and I slowly took the few steps over to the bed. I laid down as gently as I could, trying not to disturb him. When my head hit the pillow, Papa turned to face me. I could tell he was in a fair amount of pain. He looked tired, even after sleeping. "Are you back in your right state of mind now?" he asked. 

"Yes, Alessandro," I whispered. 

"Good," Papa said. 

"I'm in pain though," I said. 

"I am too," Papa replied. He reached for my hand and took it in his own, but made no other moves to touch me. I whimpered, afraid he was still angry with me. 

I looked down at our joined hands and felt the tears sting at my eyes. I blinked hard, wishing them away. "I want the pain to stop." I couldn't stop the tears now, no matter how hard I tried. I sobbed, turning away from Papa and curling up into a ball. My ribs and legs ached as I cried. I just wanted some relief. I wanted things to go back to the way they were before.

Papa placed a hand on my shoulder. "Please don't cry, Andrea," he whispered softly. 

"Why won't you touch me, Papa?" I cried. I was starting to worry. "Did I really upset you that much?"

"You did upset me quite a bit," Papa said. "I cannot have you doing that again, Andrea." 

"It takes away the pain."

"You keep telling me this, but every time I ask you, you tell that you still feel it." Papa's voice cracked and I knew he was crying too. I couldn't turn around. His hand moved to my head and he petted over my hair soothingly. I whimpered quietly, crying hard at the feeling of his fingers in my hair. His touch was pure comfort, I whimpered again.

"I'm sorry," I cried, turning back around. I looked at Papa with desperate eyes. "Please hold me, Alessandro." 

Papa hesitated, and I could see the confliction in his mismatched eyes. My heart broke as I realized that he wasn't going to. I pushed myself up. "I'm sorry," I said again, standing. "I should just leave." It was obvious to me that he didn't want me here. He had lost his trust in me and to be honest I didn't blame him. I'm not sure I trusted myself anymore. "I'll ask to be put in one of the deck chairs for the remainder of the voyage." I wouldn't look at him. I took a step towards the door. 

"Andrea, no," Papa whispered so quiet I wasn't sure I heard him correctly. 

"I'm broken, Papa," I muttered, still not turning around. "You don't want me anymore." I dropped my head, tears running down my face.

"I want you," Papa replied. "I love you, Andrea. I don't want to lose you." 

"But you don't trust me anymore," I said. "I can see it in your eyes, Alessandro. I saw it when I asked you to hold me and you refused." I turned around then and when my eyes found his, I saw desperation in them. 

Papa closed his eyes for a moment and when he reopened them they were shining with tears. "Not a lot of things scare me, Andrea," Papa whispered. "But this…" he paused as his tears fell and I felt my chest tighten. I looked away in shame. "Your actions scare me, darling. This isn't you." 

"I don't feel like me anymore," I replied quietly. It was the truth. I hadn't felt much more than sorrow and emptiness since before the disaster. My lip trembled as I bit it hard. 

Papa slowly pushed himself in a seated position. "Come sit with me," Papa said gently. I averted my gaze, unable to move. "Please, darling. I don't want you to leave." 

I glanced up for a moment and then looked away again. My heart was racing but I made way over to the bed and sat down. Papa gave me a sympathetic smile and wasted no time in pulling me into his arms. "I'm not going to lose you, Andrea," Papa whispered into my shoulder. I could feel his tears soaking my shirt. "I was so worried when I awoke to find you on the floor. You could have easily overdosed, Andrea. I thought maybe you had." 

I swallowed, knowing that I had to tell him about the thoughts that went through my mind while I was up on the boat deck last night. "I thought about ending it all, Papa," I muttered quietly. "I wanted to. I don't know what stopped me. The panic attack probably…" 

He pulled back slightly, enough so that he could look me in the eyes. I saw a mixture of emotions in his face, the most prominent being pain. "This is serious," Papa said and he had stopped crying. I said nothing, leaning forward and dropping my head onto his chest. I knew he was right. 

Papa put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back gently. I kept my head down. "Look at me, darling," he said quietly, moving a hand to my face. He didn't force my gaze up however. After a few moments I did it on my own. "How long have you felt like this?"

"Since we were separated from each other," I replied. 

"Not before that?"

"No." 

"But you are with me now, my love," Papa said. "We are both here and we are alive." He took my cheeks in his hands, petting over them. I shook my head, trying to make sense of what I was feeling. "Tell me," Papa whispered. "What has you feeling this way?"

I shook my head again. "I don't know," I whispered on the verge of tears again. 

"It's something, Andrea," Papa replied and I felt frustrated, both with him and myself. 

"It's nothing," I said, fighting angry tears. "You don't understand, Alessandro. And neither do I. So please stop talking. I do not know why I feel this way." Tears ran down my face. I pulled back, needing to put distance between us. 

My gaze fell upon the door and I was tempted to leave again. If I really wanted to, I knew Papa was not going to stop me. He couldn't. 

Instead I climbed out of the bed and flopped down into a chair across the room. "Andrea…" 

"Don't, Alessandro," I said, trying to keep my anger away. He didn't deserve that. "Just let me wallow in my misery for a bit." 

"You're not going to leave again, are you?"

"No." 

"Okay." Papa fell back against the mattress with a soft thud and a groan. We both started crying.

~*~

I stayed in the chair until I heard a knock on the door. Neither of us were crying anymore but I didn't want to make Papa get up to answer it. 

The steward on the other side had fresh food for us and was taking a list of names from the Titanic survivors. "Andrea Copia and Alessandro Emeritus." I gave him our names and settled back into the chair once he left. 

"You should eat, Andrea," Papa whispered. He hadn't moved from his place on the bed and he wasn't looking at me. 

"I'm not hungry," I muttered. I didn't have the stomach for anything. My body ached heavily but I knew I would get no pain medication. I had no one to blame but myself for that. I started to cry again, this time from my physical pains. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them, sobbing into my knees. I didn't care that it made me feel worse. I deserved the pain.

I was vaguely aware of Papa getting up off the bed and getting himself some food. I looked up when I felt his presence close to me. "Eat this, darling." He handed me a couple of strawberries. "You will feel better." 

"I'm in pain, Papa," I whined, but took the fruit and did as I was told. They were sweet and eventually I wanted more. I abandoned my self pity for the tray of tea, toast and fruit. 

"Eat a little," Papa encouraged. "If the pain is too much, I will take you back to the infirmary." 

My heart rate increased at the very thought of having to return to the hospital so I kept quiet and ate enough to satisfy myself. When I was done I relaxed back into the chair and prayed for some relief. 

I looked up when I realized that Papa was watching me. "I'm fine," I muttered before he spoke. 

"You shouldn't be allowed to suffer, darling," Papa whispered. "The hospital is where you should be. I cannot take care of you if I can't care for myself." 

"I'm not going back there," I said. "I don't want to be trapped in a bed." 

"I cannot give you anymore morphine, Andrea," Papa said seriously. "I won't. The doctor will control your dosage, and you won't be able to get any extra. It's the best way to manage your pain and stop you from abusing it." 

I bit my lip and looked away, I was scared and felt my panic returning. As my breathing quickened I did the only thing I could think of in the moment, I got up and locked myself in the bathroom. 

I half expected Papa to follow me so I was slightly surprised when I didn't hear a knock on the door for several minutes. I ignored it. 

"I did some thinking," Papa spoke through the door. I sat there on the floor, waiting for him to continue. "I don't expect you to say something about this, Andrea," he continued. "But at least hear me out." 

"I'm listening, Alessandro," I whispered with a sigh. I did want to hear what he had come up with but wouldn't guarantee I would end up going along with it. 

"It might be best if we give this some time," Papa said. "I know why you panicked and I'm sorry." He paused. "I won't make you go back to the infirmary if you don't want to." 

"Are you sure?" I muttered. 

"Yes, Andrea," he replied and it sounded sincere. 

I shifted across the floor with a wince. My body still hurt. I reached up with a hand and clicked the lock open. 

Papa opened the door and looked down at me with apologetic eyes. 

"Is there anything we can do about the physical pain?" I asked. 

"You're done with the pills, darling," Papa said, voice firm. "I'm going to have to make that very clear." I didn't like the tone he had used but I bit back my reply, swallowing and closing my eyes instead. "But perhaps a hot bath can help. Can you stand up?"

"Yeah," I muttered. A bath would suffice. Even if it didn't make me feel better physically, I could at least relax a little. 

Papa braced himself against the wall and leaned down to turn on the water while I climbed to my feet. I started to undress. I stopped and looked at Papa when I realized that he was watching me with a conflicted expression. 

"What, Papa?" I asked slightly impatiently. Dropping my pants to the floor. I stepped out of them.

"Can I join you, Andrea?" He chewed on his lip. 

"If you want," I shrugged, climbing over the high side of the bath. The water felt nice, warm and calming. 

Papa sighed and turned. "I'll get one later," he muttered, reaching for the door. 

"I'm sorry, Alessandro," I said. I really didn't want him to leave the room. "You can join me...Please join me."

Papa turned back to me and I caught a hint of a smile on his beautiful lips. "Okay, darling," he said, closing the door.


	41. My Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copia seeks comfort from his Papa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final real chapter. There is some sexiness in here, romantic sexiness.

April 17th, 1912

The warmth of the bath, followed by a cuddle session wrapped up in the warm bed had me feeling quite content. I was still aware of my aches and pains but being safe in the arms of my Pope helped to calm me and I felt I could deal with them. 

We were resting but not sleeping. Papa was on his back and I was laying on my side, my arm draped across his waist and my face nuzzled in his neck. His hand was slowly rubbing over my back, his touches comforting me. I sighed and pressed a gentle kiss to his neck before nuzzling him with my nose and breathing deeply. I loved his scent. 

"Is this helping you, Andrea?" Papa asked quietly. 

I raised my head and looked at him. "Yes, Papa," I replied. 

"Good," he said. "I was hopeful that cuddles would make you feel better." 

"Then why wait until now?" I asked. I was still slightly upset that he wouldn't touch me earlier. "Why distance yourself from me, if you knew this was what I needed?"

"I did what had to be done at the time," Papa explained. "I did it for both us. You needed to understand that I wouldn't give in to your demands, and I needed to make sure that I wasn't tempted to." Papa paused and brought a hand up to touch my face tenderly. "This isn't something we can just ignore, Andrea. We will give you some time to see if you get better, but if you do not-" 

"Stop," I said, pressing a finger to his lips. "I know what you're going to say, Alessandro. And I don't want to hear it right now. I understand though. I just don't want to ruin my better mood." I ran my finger along his lips, giving him a small smile. 

"Would you rather I do something else with my lips?" Papa asked, a bit of playfulness in his voice. His hand moved to my hair and he ran his fingers through it.

I sighed as my scalp started to tingle. "What did you have in mind, Papa?" I asked shyly. 

"Kissing you." He pushed himself up so that his face was inches away from mine. I took in a breath and met his intense gaze as he gently captured my lips in a tender kiss. I moved my lips against his, kissing him back but keeping it clean. 

"Lay back down, Andrea," Papa whispered when he pulled away. He put a hand on my chest and applied some light pressure, encouraging me back onto the mattress.

I shifted down, laying flat on my back. Papa crawled over me. His hand braced against the mattress on either side of my shoulders and he dipped his head, kissing me again. I deepened it this time and Papa allowed it, sliding his tongue against mine and sucking on my tongue eagerly. I pulled back after a few moments to catch my breath. "Are you alright with this, Alessandro?" I asked. 

Papa hummed and nodded his head. "I am, as long as you are, darling," he replied, kissing me again. 

"Yes," I said when our lips parted. Papa smiled at me and rolled his hips down into mine. Neither of us wore clothing and the feeling from the contact of his bare skin against mine made me moan. A flash of heat going straight to my groin. I reached up and threaded my hand into Papa's hair, tugging gently. 

Despite the strong desire between us, we kept our touches light and careful. We were both still very much recovering from our injuries and didn't want to cause each other pain or discomfort. 

"Can I give you some bruises, Papa?" I asked, voice wavering as he continued to gently grind his hips into mine. My half-hard cock sliding against his. 

I sighed as Papa's lips moved to my neck and he sucked on my throat. "Of course, my love," he whispered as he peppered my skin with wet open-mouthed kisses. I shivered. 

I turned my head and latched my lips onto his shoulder, sucking a small bruise into his pale skin. Papa whimpered quietly, hips faltering for just a moment. I circled the bruise with my tongue soothingly. I gave him another, a few inches below the first one as I wrapped my arms around his waist, gently pushing him down to get more friction. 

"You're doing so well, my darling," Papa groaned. "I'm so proud of you." I whined at the praise as he sucked on my collarbone bone, rewarding me with a mark. 

"Can you fuck me, Alessandro?" I sighed as I felt Papa's hand close around my cock. 

"I am sorry, Andrea," Papa shook his head slowly as he began a steady stroke over my shaft. "I am not well enough to attempt intercourse." I whimpered in slight disappointment, but was soon replaced by a moan when Papa rubbed his thumb back and forth on the underside of my cock. "Put your hand on me, darling," Papa encouraged, taking my hand in his and guiding it to his cock. "Let us stroke each other to orgasm, yes?"

I nodded, content with that idea. My fingers wrapped around his erection, giving him a gentle squeeze before stroking in time with his hand. We nipped and sucked at each other's necks as our hands moved together. 

I took my free hand and raked it down Papa's chest, stopping at his nipple to pinch and roll it between my fingers. "Andrea…" Papa sighed, circling the head of my cock with his thumb before kissing me hard. He removed his hand from me and reached behind my balls, stroking my taint a few times. 

I shivered as I felt the heat between my legs begin to burn pleasantly. I whimpered when he pressed down, finding the spot that made my cock twitch and squirt out some precum. "Alessandro…" I whined, pushing down onto his hand. "Fuck yes…" I reached for Papa's balls and gave them a squeeze. He groaned and dropped his head to my chest, placing a tender kiss to the place just above my wildly beating heart. 

My other hand went to his back and I rubbed soothingly up and down his soft skin. "Andrea," Papa whispered, raising his head and looking at me with desire filled eyes. I stroked him faster, teasing his leaking tip with my fingers. Tears fell down my beautiful Pope's face as I held his gaze. "Promise me that you'll be alright. I will help you through this darkness inside you. But I need to know that you want this too." 

"I promise," I whispered, my own face wet with tears as my desire began to reach its peak. My breath hitched as Papa's hand twisted around my shaft. I pushed my hips up into his grip. "I want this, Papa. I want you. Forever. You are my light, Alessandro." He smiled and captured my lips in a passionate kiss.

I cried out as the tension in my body released. My hips continued their movements until I felt the waves of intense pleasure subside. Moments later, Papa groaned and came into my fist. He collapsed against my body and cried. I gently wrapped my hands around him and held him close. 

For the rest of the day, Papa and I stayed in bed. The only times that we got up was to get food and to use the restroom. Papa spent a few moments composing two telegrams for our steward to bring to the wireless room. One for this father back in Sweden, explaining that he had survived the Titanic disaster and that he had also gotten engaged after meeting someone on the ship. The second telegram was for his church in New York, instructing them to send a driver to pick us up when we arrived tomorrow evening. 

I fell asleep that night, feeling the best I had in days. I had my Alessandro in my arms and although I was emotionally traumatized, I knew that with his help I would make it through this.


	42. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Carpathia arrives in New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have come to the end, my friends. Thank you all for sticking with me through this and I may have a sequel for you all in the very near future.

April 18, 1912

A cold mist fell over the harbor as the steamship Carpathia anchored at the end of the pier. The dock was crowded with reporters and family members of the Titanic passengers who were desperate to find their loved ones. 

Papa held my hand as we disembarked on the forward gangway. There were many photographers waiting for us at the bottom of the ramp and I began to panic, trying to hide my face. 

"Put your head on my shoulder, Andrea," Papa whispered, pulling me close. I turned my head and buried it into his coat, closing my eyes. 

Papa said nothing as he pushed us through the crowd. I could not look up and didn't until we were safely in the car that would whisk us away to the church. 

I was glad when the car door closed beside me and Papa pulled me into his arms. "It's all over, my darling," he whispered soothingly rubbing my back. "We are finally home." 

I looked up at him, tears shining in my eyes. "I love you, Alessandro Emeritus." 

"You are everything to me, my dear. I love you too, Andrea Copia." 

Papa cupped my face between his warm hands and kissed me passionately.


End file.
